


The Rad Sad

by hootnooot



Series: The Rad Sad Universe [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Matt Holt, Bisexual Shay (Voltron), Bisexual Shiro (Voltron), Chatting & Messaging, Fluff, Gay, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hi I'm sorry, Hunay, I don't know how to tag?, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Keith is soft, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Memes, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Allura (Voltron), Secret klance, Shatt, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vines, Voltron Group Chat, aaaaa, but its MY big mess, demisexual Pidge (Voltron), established hunay, established plax/florona, established shatt, klance, my shit, nymallura, plaxona??, some dark jokes, this is a big mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-05-13 15:45:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 36,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14751734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hootnooot/pseuds/hootnooot
Summary: Summer is finally here.And it just happens to be the summer before Matt, Shiro, and Allura head off to college, so Pidge creates a group chat, for the whole gang.Or,A bunch of stupid things happen, over text.and,some gay shit.





	1. Summer is here and Pidge has A Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Podge= Pidge  
> Keefers= Keith  
> Plaxtic= Plaxum  
> Shirt= Shiro  
> Memethew= Matt  
> Hunkey= Hunk  
> Long= Lance  
> Mermania= Florona  
> Lura= Allura  
> Shayaway= Shay
> 
> hhhhhhhhhhhhh welcome to my Giant Shitpost, hope you enjoy this crap.

_**Edgey Teens With Even Ediger Meme's** _

**9:45 am**

**Podge:** ITS SUMMER YOU HOES

 **Podge:** DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 **Keefers:**  Your mom takes away your bedtime?

 **Plaxtic:**  You get burned to a crisp??

 **Shirt:**   Matt also gets burned to a crisp???

 **Shirt:** also school is over, so that's cool

 **Memethew:**  Keith gets to drown????

 **Keefers:**  THAT WAS ONCE, MATT *oNCE*

 **Memethew:** huehuehuehuehue

 **Podge:** I Hate You All.

 **Shirt:** Why would you lie to me?

 **Plaxtic:**  You hurt his feelings, Pidge

 **Keefers:**  He is only but a child, Katie

 **Podge:**  siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

 **Podge:**  anywhoser,

 **Podge:** ALL OF THOSE THINGS MIGHT BE CORRECT, BUT

 **Podge:** IT MEANS THAT WE ALL GET TO HANG OUT AND GO TO MCYDICKS AT 3AM MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK!!

 **Keefers:** Hell ye

 **Plaxtic:** wootwoot

 **Memethew:** ya yeet

 **Shirt:** That's not all of it... she's planning *something* I can smell her scheming from here

 **Podge:** Fuck you, Shito

 **Podge:** but yeah, he rite. 

 **Shirt:** as always.

 **Podge:** incorrect.

 **Podge:** Anywhoser, 

 **Podge:** I wanna make a group chat with the *other* group and I just wanted to Sugar Coat Y'all before I done did the deed. 

 **Memethew:** other group? in front of my salad?

 **Plaxtic:** Matt, that meme is like a year old, let it go.

 **Memethew:** never.

 **Keefers:** bhrfejdkk as in *other group*, do you mean...?

 **Plaxtic:** [x-files theme song plays]

 **Podge:** Yes, Keith, I mean *them*

 **Keefers:** It's a no from me

 **Plaxtic:** I hope you know, just because of that, she's gonna make it.

 **Keefers:** I realized my mistake. 

 **Keefers:** pls Pidge, if you love me you won't do it

 **Podge:** :)

 **Shirt:** you're gonna make him cry

 **Plaxtic:**  I mean, *I'm* down with the deed

 **Plaxtic:** sounds lit

 **Keefers:** I hope you choke.

 **Podge:** :)) 

 

 

 

_**Podge- >Hunkey** _

**10:02 am**

**Podge:** Hunketh, my beautiful boy

 **Hunkey:** Katie, my wonderful girly

 **Podge:** fcgvhgj

 **Podge:** Anywhoser, 

 **Hunkey:** :)

 **Hunkey:** what's up?

 **Podge:** two things:

 **Podge:** 1, did finish the coding?

 **Hunkey:** I'll send it to you when I summon the strength to get off of the floor.

 **Podge:** valid.

 **Podge:** 2, Ok, so you know how we wanted to hang out more? Like our two groups?

 **Hunkey:** continue...

 

 

 

_**Cuntasaurus Rex** _

**10:12 am**

**Long:** daily Shark Appreciation. 

 **Long:** HOLY SHIT SHARKS ARE RAD. 

 **Long:** Ok, thank you for coming to my TedTalk, have a beautiful day.

 **Mermania:** thank, really enjoyed it. 

 **Shayaway:** you should write a book

 **Long:** bet.

 **Lura** **:** that was the best one yet.

 **Hunkey:** Shark Appreciation is my favorite part of the day,

 **Hunkey:** all those good boys

 **Hunkey:** anyway, I come bearing an offer

 **Mermania:** no

 **Shayaway:** ooooo, I love me some offers

 **Lura:** I Am Intrigued 

 **Long:** as Am I, continue Hunketh,

 **Hunkey:** I-

 **Hunkey:** nvm, just gonna get to the point and ignore your awfulness

 **Mermania:** awful is my middle name

 **Long:** no its not, it's Percilia 

 **Mermania:** stop exposing me

 **Long:** :3

 **Hunkey:**  jhgffdgf Pay Attention To Hunk

 **Shayaway:** anytime, bb boy

 **Long:** sorry bro

 **Lura:** Yes, please continue Hunk, ignore the peasants. 

 **Hunkey:** hhhhhh

 **Hunkey:** SO! you all know pidge right?

 **Long:** I Love Pigeon 

 **Shayaway:** ^^^!!

 **Mermania:** she's my GF's best pal, ofc I know her.

 **Lura:**  I know the gremlin very well. 

 **Hunkey:** nice, sssso, Pidge and I talked about maybe merging our groups together?? And make a group chat with us all????

 **Mermania:** OH HELL YEAH, I AM SO DOWN. 

 **Lura:** oh yes oH YES I LOVE

 **Shayaway:** The Good Shit

 **Long:**.....doesn't that mean...

 **Hunkey:** yes

 **Long:** ok, yeah, I guess that sounds like a good plan. 

 **Hunkey:** huehueheueheue

 **Hunkey:** excellent 

 

 

_**Hunkey- > Podge** _

**10:24 am**

 

 **Hunkey:** Operation "mush friend groups together" is underway

 **Podge:**  *excellent*

 **Hunkey:** did you just do the thing with your fingers that all Evil People do? 

 **Podge:** I hate how well you know me.

 


	2. just bros being bros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge and Hunk started the group chat. 
> 
> And Keith stans Taylor Swift. 
> 
> also some Klance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Love Taylor Swift, anyone who hates her can meet me in the pit. 
> 
> yesterday in English my teacher was trying to explain something and she goes "Imagine that you're Taylor Swift." and I got super pumped and then she goes, "Now imagine something bad happens and it ruins your life" and I whispered, "like Kayne hadn't already done that."  
> and this girl, that I never talk to, fucking starts wheezing her ass off and it gets to the point where my Teacher has to stop talking. 
> 
> Idk that just made me a happy boyo.

_**Keefers- >** **Long** _

**11:18 am**

 

 **Keefers:** they're making a group chat and adding all of us to it. 

 **Long:** I am aware. 

 **Long:** what's up?

 **Keefers:** idk just

 **Keefers:** hhhhhhhhhh

 **Long:** Keith. 

 **Keefers:** hhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **Long:** calm down, amor

 **Keefers:** I am totally calm. 

 **Long:** ok, then tell me what's wrong

 **Keefers:** well, like

 **Keefers:** they don't *know*

 **Long:** oh

 **Long:** I see where you're coming from

 **Keefers:** hhhh

 **Long:**  hey, it's alright, 

 **Long:** they don't need to know right now

 **Keefers:** I know,

 **Keefers:** that's not what I'm worried about, tho

 **Keefers:** I'm worried that one of us will slip and then

 **Keefers:** *chaos* 

 **Long:**  that won't happen, amor

 **Keefers:** are you sure?

 **Long:** positive, we've been in this relationship for 6 months without telling them. I think a tiny group chat should be fine.  

 **Long:** try to stay calm and remember

 **Long:** we can tell them whenever you're ready

 **Keefers:** what did I do to deserve you?

 **Long:** everything right apparently 

 **Keefers:** ok, we're done here. 

 **Long:** <333

 **Keefers:**... <33

 **Long:** can we fuck with them tho?

 **Keefers:** of course. 

 

 

**11:30 am**

**_Podge added Hunkey, Keefers, Long, Shirt, Memethew, Shayaway, Lura, Plaxtic, and Mermania to the group chat_ **

**_Podge named the group chat:_ ** **The Rad Sad**

 

 **Podge:** Hello you sacks of beautiful people

 **Hunkey:** Welcome to the new group chat that Pidge and I have been wanting to make for 4 months. 

 **Plaxtic:** that's some dedication. 

 **Mermania:** BABE!

 **Plaxtic:** HONEY!

 **Mermania:** AAAAA

 **Plaxtic:** <3333

 **Shirt:** gross

 **Memethew:** disgusting. 

 **Lura:** revolting

 **Shirt:** ahhh, Allura, pleasure seeing you here

 **Lura:** I wish I could say the same to you, Takashi

 **Podge:** tpsssssssssssssssh

 **Shirt:** I Am Hurt. 

 **Lura:** tragic. 

 **Memethew:** Lura!!!!

 **Lura:** Matty!!!!

 **Shirt:** I 

 **Long:** roasted toasted

 **Plaxtic:** of course Lance shows up just for the memes

 **Long:** umm, have you met me?

 **Keefers:** Unfortunately, yes

 **Long:**  Keith.

 **Keefers:** Lance. 

 **Long:** how have you been?

 **Keefers:** decent, you?

 **Shirt:** (whats? happening??)

 **Long:** I've been alright. 

 **Keefers:** oh, that's nice. 

 **Podge:** (Idk but I'm scared)

 **Long:** mhmm, I'm glad to hear that you are doing alright. 

 **Keefers:** same for you. 

 **Long:** Well, talking to you is always a pleasure. 

 **Keefers:** ditto.

 **Hunkey:** why am I experiencing physical pain right now?

 **Shayaway:** who are you and what have you done with Keith and Lance????

 **Plaxtic:** I am so scared, wtf

 **Mermania:** I am just

 **Mermania:** *confused*

 **Shirt:** Keith are you running a temperature? 

 **Lura:** I have the need to call the police. 

 **Keefers:** they will never find me. 

 **Memethew:** wh

 **Memethew:** Keith?

 **Keefers:** I'm sorry

 **Long:** don't do it

 **Keefers:** the old Keith can't come to the phone right now,

 **Podge:** OH MY GOODOODO

 **Keefers:** why?

 **Keefers:** oh, cause he's dead

 **Long:** you did the thing I told you not to do

 **Shayaway:** did-

 **Shayaway:** did keith just quote Taylor Swift?

 **Mermania:** I do believe he did. 

 **Hunkey:** I'm crying. 

 **Hunkey:** literal tears are streaming down my face. 

 **Shirt:** Keith loves Taylor Swift, he has a poster of her in his room. 

 **Mermania** HE WHAT GRUHEJK

 **Podge:** I wish I knew what to do with this information. 

 **Keefers:** listen, 

 **Keefers:** she's a goddess and I stan

 **Long:** I-

 **Long:** I love this

 **Keefers:** she and her snakes are going to take over the world, 

 **Keefers:** I will be prepared when it happens. 

 **Shirt:** he also sleeps in a TSwift shirt

 **Keefers:** itS SOFT

 **Long:** rygeihfjodks

 **Plaxtic:** okok, but the real question is,

 **Plaxtic:** whats your favorite song?

 **Keefers:** Gorgeous. 

 **Plaxtic:** that was

 **Plaxtic:** not what I was expecting 

 **Mermania:** this is amazing

 **Lura:** keith, you are now my favorite, sorry Matthew. 

 **Keefers:** nice. 

 **Memethew:** THIS IS ABSURD 

 **Keefers:** rest in penises @matt

 **Hunkey:** omggg, keith is now my favorite too

 **Shayaway:** I ain't even mad about that

 **Shayaway:** But I Do Have One Question For Keithbert

 **Shirt:** Keithbert. 

 **Keefers:** questions are valid. 

 **Shayaway:** so *why* is that your favorite song?

 **Shayaway:** hmmm???

 **Keefers:** well you see,

 **Keefers:** it has a really good chorus and a very nice beat. Also, the lyrics mean something so, 

 **Keefers:** yeah. 

 **Shayaway:** inch resting

 

 

_**Keefers - > Long** _

**11:52 am**

 

 **Keefers:** I lied

 **Long:** hmm?

 **Keefers:** it's my favorite song because it reminds me of you. 

 **Long:** KEEEEEEEEEEEEEITH, YOU CAN'T JU7ST TUGHIRJELKD

 **Keefers:** :)

 **Long:** gosh I love you so much

 **Keefers:** I love you too, spaceman. 

  **Long:** hueheuhue

 **Long:** is Shiro home?

 **Keefers:** no? he's at Plax's, they had a sleepover. 

 **Long:** gr8, I'm on my way over

 **Keefers:** hhhhhwhat

 **Long:** I Am On My Way Over

 **Keefers:** Lance, 

 **Long:** I wanna cuddle my boyf and see him in his Taylor Swift shirt. 

 **Long:** gimme all the softness

 **Keefers:** you're gonna be the death of me

 **Long:** you know you love it ;)

 **Keefers:** hell yeah I do

 **Long:** RGEHSJDK

 

 

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

**12:18 pm**

 

 **Hunkey:** anyway, how are you all?

 **Plaxtic:** Shiro just put a spoon in my microwave and almost blew it up

 **Shirt:** I have been exposed.

 **Memethew:** omgggg, that's my boyf

 **Plaxtic:** when he realized what he'd done, he screamed "RED ALERT, RED ALERT, THIS ISN'T A DRILL BOYS"

 **Plaxtic** : and my dad

 **Plaxtic:** just saluted Shiro as he ran toward the microwave with oven mitts.

 **Plaxtic** : mind you, he was screaming the whole time.

 **Plaxtic:** he was also wearing a shirt with the giant cat on it and his SpongeBob boxers.

 **Plaxtic:** Takashi Shirogane, the Man™

 **Shirt:** stop exposing me

 **Plaxtic:** never :)

 **Shayaway:** that's

 **Shayaway** : amazing

 **Shayaway:** anyway, I'm doing just dandy, Hunky

 **Hunkey:** that's great to hear, love

 **Shayaway** : <33

 **Hunkey:** <333

 **Memethew** : Katie and I are building a computer.

 **Mermania** : as any normal person does on the first day of summer.

 **Podge:** precisely.

 **Mermania** : ghfj I'm currently watching my snake eat its prey.

 **Plaxtic:** that's my girlfriend!

 **Mermania:** <33

 **Long** : I Hate Keith.

 **Hunkey:** oh?

 **Long:** so much, so very much

 **Shayaway:**  sounds fake, but okay

 **Keefers** : suck my ass

 **Long** : he

 **Long** : he's

 **Long:** he's mean

 **Keefers** : I already apologized, what more do you want from me?

 **Long** : :)

 **Keefers** : this conversation is over.

 **Podge** : NO IT'S NOT, LANCE PLEASE CONTINUE.

 **Long** : gladly

 **Long** : he

 **Keefers** : I ate the last Oreo in front of him

 **Long** : I have never felt more betrayed.

 **Long:** he made eye contact with me while doing it, I felt my soul leave my body. 

 **Keefers** : he's curled around Blue now, crying

 **Keefers** : he's actually crying omg, Lance 

 **Keefers** : part of me feels bad, the other part of me really enjoyed that oreo

 **Long** : I'm canceling my subscription

 **Keefers:** I want my money back.

 **Shayaway** : wait...

 **Memethew** : so you guys are hanging out?

 **Shayaway** : alone?

 **Memethew** : just, bros being bros?

 **Long** : yeah??

 **Keefers** : so??

 **Podge** : soooo, what are you guys doing?

 **Keefers** : umm, we're gonna take Red and Blue out for a walk then watch all of the Sharknado's

 **Long** : I Love Sharks

 **Keefers** : did you already do daily shark appreciation?

 **Long** : I sure did

 **Mermania:** It was his best one yet

 **Shayaway:** i

 **Shayaway:** Keith how do you know about Shark Appreciation?

 **Lura:** that's a good question... I thought Lance only told our gc

 **Long:** I spend every Shark week with Keith

 **Lura:** oh...

 **Shayaway:** o

 **Memethew:** oh,

 **Podge:** ohh

 

 

**_Long - > Keefers_ **

**12:32 pm**

 

 **Long:** they're on to us

 **Keefers:** let's have fun with it

 **Long:** really??

 **Long:** you're ok with that??

 **Keefers:** I mean, yeah, kinda

 **Keefers:** I know that we agreed on telling them when I'm ready

 **Keefers:** I'm still nervous about it, how they will react. 

 **Keefers:** but I'm sick of pretending that I hate you 

 **Keefers:** because every time we are the tiniest bit nice to each other, they get all weird. 

 **Long:** Hey, I know it's awful

 **Long:** but they *are* our friends

 **Long:** hopefully they will understand

 **Keefers:** I know, it's just

 **Keefers:** I'm kinda scared. 

 **Long:** you said that to me when I first asked you out, look where we are now

 **Long:** madly in love with each other and texting each other from different rooms. 

 **Keefers:** I wouldn't say *madly*

 **Long:** *gay gasp*

 **Keefers:**  *sigh*, I love you

 **Long:** :3

 **Keefers:** where are you?

 **Long:**  on the porch, watching Red chase Blue. 

 **Keefers:** be prepared to get ambushed with love and affection. 

 **Keefers:** also our dogs are gay for each other. 

 **Long:** I KNOW!!

 **Long:** JUST LIKE US!!!

 **Keefers:** I

 **Keefers:** yeah, you right. 

 **Long:** :3

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some of that Good Shit™ aka Klance, for yall. 
> 
> I also have no clue if the time's add up, Math might be my best class, but I suck at it


	3. oops, I just Shatt myself (heheheheh get it? yeah you do)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the group gets suspicious 
> 
> more klance
> 
> Shatt
> 
> some pining Allura and More!!!!!
> 
> (I feel like I'm on an infomercial or something)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to start thinking of a plot. 
> 
> I lied, I am starting to think of a plot. 
> 
> huehueheueheuheu

_**Shayaway added Memethew, Podge, Plaxtic, Shirt, Mermania, Lura, and Hunkey to the group chat** _

_**Shayaway named the group chat:**  _ **Klance??**

**1:12 pm**

 

 **Shayaway:**  something is going on

 **Memethew:**  hbrgjfenkd I thought I was the only one who noticed

 **Plaxtic:**  Keith has been pining over Lance since yall first went to the tree house with us, ofc everyone else noticed. 

 **Lura:**  Lance has liked Keith since the first time he saw him at our swim meet. 

 **Mermania:**  lol, I remember him tripping when he first saw him in the stands. 

 **Shirt:**  then the 'rivalry" began

 **Hunkey:**  oof, yeah

 **Hunkey:** Lance would always complain to me and rant about how pretty Keith's eyes are

 **Podge:**  no homo, but Keiths eyes are the prettiest thing I have ever laid eyes on. 

 **Memethew:**  I second that, they're like

 **Memethew:**  *purple*

 **Shirt:**  stop talking about my brothers eyes

 **Memethew:**  are you jealous? of *Keith*?

 **Shirt:**  yes. 

 **Memethew:**  then come over

 **Podge:**  no, pls don't

 **Hunkey:**  THIS IS A KLANCE CHAT

 **Hunkey:**  GET YOUR SHATT OUT OF HERE. 

 **Lura:** please

 **Lura:** omg I'm never gonna get rid of these fuckers. 

 **Memethew:** :3

 **Shirt:** :33

 **Lura:** I'm gonna fake my death and create a new identity

 **Shirt:** you can't hide from Shatt

 **Memethew:** we'll find you

 **Mermania:**....anyway, back to Klance

 **Shayaway:** thank you, darling

 **Mermania:** np deary

 **Plaxtic:** do you think,

 **Plaxtic:** that they *are* dating

 **Plaxtic:** and they're hiding it from us?

 **Podge:**...

 **Shirt:** ...

 **Memethew:**...

 **Lura:** ,,,

 **Mermania:** ,,,

 **Hunkey:** .,..,.,.

 **Plaxtic:** nah

 **Shirt:** no fucking way

 **Mermania:** that's impossible

 **Lura:** they're not *that* good at acting

 **Hunkey:** no way in hell

 **Shayaway:** that's the funniest thing I have ever heard

 **Memethew:** impossible. 

 **Podge:** they would never be able to keep something like *that* hidden

 **Hunkey:** Lance would never keep something that big from me

 **Plaxtic:** if Keith kept something like that hidden, I would punch him

 **Mermania:** guys, they're probably finally putting the past behind them, I think it's good for them

 **Lura:** Florona is right, they probably feel very uncomfy because we always make a big deal whenever they hang out alone. 

 **Lura:** we are all friends, it's only normal for them to hang out.  

 **Memethew:** ah shit, you right

 **Lura:** when am I not?

 **Mermania:** when am I not?

 **Mermania:** whoa

 **Lura:** we need to stop spending so much time together

 **Mermania:** but

 **Mermania:** I love you

 **Lura:** valid, we need to spend *more* time together. 

 **Mermania:** terrific 

 **Shayaway:** ah, you guys are right, we need to let them breathe

 **Hunkey:** yeah, we need to stop pestering them so much

 **Plaxtic:** I agree

 **Shirt:** as do I

 

 

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

**12:19 pm**

 

 **Keefers:** Shiro?

 **Shirt:** what

 **Keefers:** tell Lance to leave

 **Long:** no, father, please

 **Shirt:** wha

 **Shirt:** what's going on?

 **Long:** I

 **Long:** I, maybe, accidentally, possibly, losthisstuffedhippo

 **Keefers:** HE LOST HAROLD

 **Long:** I SAID I WAS SORRY

 **Keefers:** LANCE, I *LOVE* THAT HIPPO

 **Long:** HE'S JUST SOMEWHERE IN THE BACKYARD

 **Long:** WHY IS YOUR BACKYARD SO BIG

 **Memethew:** omg, rest in penises @Lance

 **Keefers:** I locked him outside

 **Keefers:** retrive the Hippo, then you can come inside. 

 **Long:** BABE, I SAID I WAS SORRYRY

 **Long:** Keith** silly autocorrect 

 

 

_**Long - > Keefers** _

**12:25 pm**

 

 **Long:** oh shishishsishi

 **Keefers:** it's fine, calm down

 **Long:** I now have to apologize for two things

 **Keefers:** no, only one

 **Keefers:** where is the hippo, Lance

 **Long:** I am cradling him in my arms as we speak 

 **Keefers:** Yay!

 **Long:** ghfdj stop being so s o f t

 **Keefers:** hmm

 **Keefers:** no

 **Long:** hhhnnng, just let me inside so we can take a nap and cuddle while Harold gets washed

 **Keefers:** are we also gonna ignore the gc and all the chaos you caused. 

 **Long:** of course

 **Keefers:** ALSO

 **Long:** oh no

 **Keefers:** you told me that *this* wouldn't happen, you owe me something

 **Long:** I'm scared

 **Keefers:** good, you should be

 

 

 ~~ ~~ _**The Rad Sad** _

**12:32 pm**

 

 **Podge:** that's gay

 **Plaxtic:** wha

 **Plaxtic:** how does "Keith" get corrected to "babe"

 **Mermania:** idk man, phones are weird, he probably typed a bunch of random letters then sent it

 **Lura:** ^^ that's happened to me more than once, I once called Nyma Nector and idk how that happened

 **Shirt:** valid argument. 

 **Hunkey:** that's tru, I once called Shay Straw

 **Shayaway:** he did, I loved it

 **Memethew:** are we ignoring the fact that Allura and Nyma text??

 **Lura:** this is why Keith is my favorite

 **Shirt:** DID YOU GUYS CONFESS TO EACH OTHER YET?

 **Lura:**...no

 **Shayaway:** aww, why not?

 **Lura:** BECAUSE FEELINGS ARE DISTURBING

 **Lura:** and I really like her and I don't wanna mess anything up

 **Hunkey:** soft Lura is my favorite Lura

 **Lura:** don't get used to it, bitch

 **Hunkey:** I will, bitch

 **Lura:** you're lucky

 **Lura:** you're one of the good ones

 **Memethew:** what does that mean?

 **Lura:** It means that I won't hurt him

 **Hunkey:** honored. 

 **Shirt:** Lura, do remember how Matt and I confessed? 

 **Memethew:** OH MY GOOOOOD

 **Memethew:** baby, pls no

 **Shirt:** you forced us into a room together and locked it

 **Shirt:** only supplying us with connect four and some crackers. 

 **Shirt:** after 4 painful hours I finally cracked 

 **Shirt:** because Matt was being an adorable fuck and I couldn't take it anymore

 **Memethew:** all I remember is making eye contact with him before he grabbed my face and kissed me

 **Memethew:** after we parted he got all panicked because

 **Memethew:** "oh my god, I didn't ask if I could kiss you, I'm sorry. Consent is key, I'm an awful person omg, what have I done???"

 **Memethew:** to which I shut him up with another kiss. 

 **Podge:**  omg, can more guys be like Shiro?

 **Lura:** honestly tho

 **Plaxtic:** he's the perfect guy

 **Mermania:** we should clone him

 **Memethew:** no, mine, back off. I get the only one

 **Shirt:** you sure do, baby

 **Memethew:** tfyguhijk

 **Shirt:** but the point I was getting to, Allura, if you don't act soon you might act on impulse 

 **Shirt:** and knowing you, you want to confess in the best way possible

 **Shirt:** yet, knowing Nyma, she is the one to be more impulsive. 

 **Lura:** hhhhh

 **Shayaway:** Shiro is right, Allura

 **Hunkey:** shay and I were dancing around each other for 7 months before we both cracked

 **Plaxtic:** you all suck

 **Mermania:** yeah, 

 **Plaxtic:** Flor just came up to me with my fav coffee and asked if I wanted to go on a date

 **Podge:** ok, clone Shiro *and* Flor

 **Podge:** because wtf

 **Podge:** not many people go on dates before diving into a relationship these days

 **Podge:** so proud

 **Mermania:** thanks Pigeon 

 **Plaxtic:** but, Shiro *is* right

 **Plaxtic:** omg I regret saying that, he just looked at me and did *the cat face*

 **Memethew:** That's! My! Boyf!

 **Plaxtic:** ygfuhdiu but really Allura, just ask to hang out with her soon, then ask if she wants to go on a date sometime

 **Plaxtic:** it's better if you do it in person because you see their reaction. 

 **Lura:** I

 **Lura:** that sounds like a good idea

 **Lura:** imma do it

 **Podge:** THAT'S MY SISTER FROM ANOTHER MISTER!!!

 **Lura:** :33333

 **Shirt:** she's panicking on the inside. 

 **Lura:** fuck yeah I am

 

 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whips* I don't know what I'm doing 
> 
> also, Nyma and Allura is a really cute concept to me?? I've seen fanart for it And I Love It. TBH, I love most ships, I'm just in it for the cute fanart. 
> 
> ALSO, a pal of mine got an idea from this fic. /She's writing a really angsty piece that hurt my heart and she got the idea from the "Memethew: Keith gets to drown??? Keefers: THAT WAS ONCE MATT *oNCE*" and It's Not My Fault/ I resist it


	4. McDicks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (this takes place a day after the first 3 chapters, honestly, I feel like I'm just gonna stop putting in the times and leave it to the imagination)
> 
> Oops, looks like I forgot to mention that Keith, Shiro, and Acxa are siblings. Silly me. 
> 
> Allura and Florona are the bestest pals. 
> 
> Also: Klance are idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hueueueuueueueueu, this chapter is a mess
> 
> I also am going to start writing more main chat things! And also try not to make this completely about Klance! I wanna give Plax/Flor some love! Also! Nymallura! Shatt! and Hunay! I love all, so I will try my best to show that love <3

 

  
_**Acka- > Keefers** _

 

 **Acka** : brother,

 **Keefers** : sister,

 **Acka** : would you care to explain *why* Lance McClain was in your bed?

 **Acka:** better yet, *why* you were cuddling Lance McClain in your bed?

 **Keefers** : you little fucker

 **Keefers:** what will it take?

 **Acka** : you know what

 **Keefers** : Acxa, no, please

 **Acka** : I have Shiro's number on speed dial

 **Keefers** : fine, I will give you my jolly ranchers

 **Acka** : nice, also there is another reason why I texted you

 **Acka:** it's kind of awkward for me to ask, but I didn't want to go to Shiro or mom with this

 **Keefers** : spill

 **Acka** : mmmm I think I have a crush on my best friend

 **Keefers** : Ezor?

 **Acka** : aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 **Keefers** : okok

 **Keefers:** when did you start developing feelings?

 **Keefers:** if you can think of a certain time, that is

 **Acka** : aaaa ok, so it was like 3 months ago

 **Acka:** even tho I soon realized that I Have Always Had Feelings For her

 **Acka:** but

 **Acka** : we were having a sleepover, and we were both in her bed and

 **Keefers** : kinky

 **Acka** : shut.

 **Acka:** we were in her bed and I didn't notice her fall asleep and

 **Acka:** I look over and she's out cold and then I try to shift a bit so I can cover her up and junk

 **Acka** : but then she just

 **Acka:** she moves over and latches on to me and we started cuddling??

 **Acka:** it was in that moment when I knew I was fucked.

 **Keefers:** wow

 **Keefers** : thats

 **Keefers** : really gay

 **Acka:** I KNOW

 **Keefers** : Like Hayley Kiyoko gay

 **Acka:** HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Keefers:** ok, little sister, listen to big brother

 **Acka:** why did I come to you? I could have gone to Zethrid or Narti

 **Keefers:** Because I Am The Best

 **Acka** : ok, whatever

 **Keefers** anyway

 **Keefers** : just tell her? She's bi, right? And you two have known each other for 3 years now?

 **Keefers** : It's easier to just come out and say it instead of letting it fester

 **Keefers:** you do that, you might act on impulse

 **Keefers:** and you don't know how that would end

 **Acka** : hhhh

 **Keefers** : just organize a time to hang out soon

 **Keefers:** then ask her if she would like to go on a date.

 **Keefers:** it's better to do it in person, that way you can see their reaction

 **Acka:** Keith,

 **Acka:** that actually sounds like a good idea, wtf

 **Acka:** since when are you good at relationship advise?

 **Keefers:** since never

 **Keefers** : I totally just stole that all from Shiro

 **Acka** : wh

 **Keefers:** and some from Plax

 **Acka:** omg you are awful

 **Keefers:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Keefers:** but seriously Acxa, will you keep me and Lance a secret?

 **Acka:** as long as I get the candy, then yes.

 **Keefers:** groovy

 **Acka:** I don't want to be related to you anymore.

 **Keefers:** :)

 

 

 

_**Keefers- > Long** _

  
**Keefers:** not to alarm you or anything

 **Long** : already alarmed

 **Keefers:** but Acxa might have seen us napping together and is now blackmailing me

 **Long:** how terrific.

 **Long:** how is she blackmailing you?

 **Long:** do I need to *talk* to her

 **Keefers:** yguhij no, babe

 **Keefers:** she's keeping her mouth shut

 **Keefers** : as long as I give her my jolly ranch stash

 **Long** : sucks for her, I took all the blues

 **Keefers:** I. Love. You

 **Long:** aw shucks

 **Long:** I love you too

 **Long:** Also! I actually was going to text you later

 **Long:** but since you texted first

 **Long** : I have a question for you, my beautiful star

 **Keefers:** hhhng, what is it

 **Long:** Madre wanted to know if you wanted to come over later?

 **Long:** she misses you

 **Keefers:** good, I miss her too

 **Long:** smh

 **Long:** plus I wanna cuddle more, we hardly get to do "coupley" things

 **Keefers:** I know, I hate it

 **Keefers:**  we should tell them? That way we get to be more open?

 **Long:** really?

 **Keefers:** or, we could just keep fucking with them

 **Long:** I like that one

 **Keefers:** huheuehueheu

 **Long:** :333333333333333333333333

 

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Long:** Keith has a nice ass

 **Keefers:** rdtfyguhijk

 **Podge:** WHAT

 **Shayaway:** EXCUSE

 **Shirt:** TWHAT

 **Memethew:** I JUST CHOKED ON MY CEREAL 

 **Hunkey:** UMMMMMMMM

 **Plaxtic:** WELL

 **Mermania:** old news, come back with some good tea

 **Lura:** did you just complement Keith's ass?

 **Mermania:** yes

 **Keefers:** thank you

 **Mermania:** np, bb

 **Keefers:** Flor, leave Plax and run away with me

 **Keefers:** we'll move to West Virginia 

 **Hunkey:** why WV?

 **Keefers:** mothman

 **Mermania:** hell yeah

 **Mermania:** i'm packing my things right now, baby

 **Plaxtic:** um

 **Long:** uM

 **Memethew:** wait, Lance

 **Memethew:** why are you um-ing?

 **Long:** what? I don't know what you're talking about

 **Memethew:** you just um-ed

 **Long:** no, no I didn't

_**Podge Sent an Image** _

**Podge:** yeah, yeah you did

 **Long:** that's clearly photoshop. 

 **Keefers:** clearly

 **Shayaway:** WHATS GOING ON

 **Keefers:** well

 **Keefers:** Plax is now single because I stole her gf and we are running away together

 **Mermania:** yes

 **Hunkey:** OK OK, BACK IT UP FOR A MOMENT

 **Hunkey:** Lance?

 **Long:** Lance

 **Hunkey:** why did you say that keith has a good ass, that was so random?

 **Long:** easy

 **Long:** Keith *does* have a nice ass

 **Mermania:** stop hitting on my boyf!

 **Long:** meet me in the pit, he was mine before he was yours

 **Keefers:** and that's my cue to leave. 

 **Plaxtic:** WAIT

 **Podge:** HWT

 **Shirt:** KEITH GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE

 **Hunkey:** LANCE?

 **Long:** IMSORRYTHEOLDLANCECAN'TCOMETOTHEPHONERIGHTNOW, HE'SABOUTTOGETSTABBED

 **Memethew:** OH MY GOGOGOOGOGOGOD

 **Lura:** I

 **Lura:** I'm crying

 

 

_**Long - > Keefers** _

 

 **Long:** are you mad at me?

 **Keefers:** of course not

 **Keefers:** that was beautiful 

 **Keefers:** not as beautiful as you, but

 **Long:** K E I T H

 **Keefers:** IM SORRY IM IN A MOOD

 **Long:** COME OVER THEN

 **Keefers:** BET

 

 

_**Klance??** _

 

 **Podge:** THOSE FUCKERS

 **Shayaway:** WHATS HAPPENING IM SO SCARED

 **Plaxtic:** I was right

 **Shirt:** omg, I think you might have been

 **Hunkey:** no fucking way, 

 **Memethew:** Idk man

 **Shirt:** I'm on my way home rn, I'll be home in about 5 minutes

 **Shirt:** which means I get to sit on Keith until he spills

 **Memethew:** I Love You

 **Shirt:** I Love You Too

 **Shayaway:** that's gay

 **Hunkey:** hhhhhhh WHAT'S HAPPENING

 **Podge:** neither of them are answering their phones

 **Mermania:** really? you guys think that they are really dating?

 **Podge:** whAT ELSE COULD THIS BE??

 **Lura:** simple. Them pranking us. Cause of it:

 **Lura:** me, I dared them

 **Mermania:** gosh, you beat me to it

 **Lura:** :3

 **Hunkey:** how

 **Lura:** I bribed them with McD's

 **Shirt:** ok, sounds about right. 

 

 

_**Mermania - > Lura** _

 

 **Mermania:** we need to protect them

 **Lura:** indeed. 

 **Mermania:** I can't believe they have been dating for like 6ish months and haven't told anyone

 **Lura:** it's their choice. 

 **Lura:** also, I'm so thankful we found Lance's diary. 

 **Mermania:** me too bitch

 **Mermania:** I can't believe he writes songs for Keith, it's so sweet

 **Lura:** RIGHT

 

 

_**Mermania created a group chat with Lura, Keefers, and Long** _

_**Mermania named the group:** _ **The Cool Kids**

 

 **Mermania:** listen you fuckers

 **Lura:** we know

 **Keefers:** know *what*

 **Lura:** that you two have been dating for over 6 months and haven't told any of your friends

 **Long:** h

 **Long:** wha

 **Keefers:** whe

 **Long:** wait a minute

 **Mermania:** Lance, we're sorry

 **Long:** you!

 **Long:** You fuckers read my diary, didn't you!

 **Lura:** IT WAS JUST SITTING THERE, OFC WE READ IT

 **Mermania:** YOU HAD THESE TWO BITCHES OVER AND YOU JUST LEFT IT OUT IN THE OPEN THEN LEFT US UNSUPERVISED 

 **Long:**....fair enough, you thots

 **Keefers:** wait, you guys have known this whole time?

 **Lura:** yes

 **Mermania:** *and* we have been taking the suspicion off of you guys, trying to convince the group that you two aren't in love or whatever

 **Mermania:** so, you're welcome

 **Keefers:** omg

 **Lura:** one problem:

 **Lura:** YOU MESSED UP WITH YOUR DISGUISE WTF BOYS

 **Keefers:** listen, we wanted to fuck with them

 **Mermania:** understandable 

 **Mermania:** we covered for you saying that it was a prank that Lura dared you to do

 **Lura:** also, do you guys want some McD's?

 **Keefers:** pls, we're starved

 **Lura:** k, I'll go pick up Flor, then Keith? then Lance?

 **Long:** well...

 **Keefers:** actually...

 **Long:** Keith is at my house. 

 **Mermania:** omfg

 **Long:** ok but guys?

 **Lura:** hmm?

 **Mermania:** yeah?

 **Long:** thank you, we really didn't think that one through

 **Keefers:** not at all, and now you too are getting dragged into this

 **Long:** it might come back and bite you in the ass

 **Lura:** good thing I have a biting kink

 **Mermania:** ALLURA

 **Keefers:** MY FAV

 **Long:** I CANt BELIEVE

 **Lura:** :33

 **Lura:** now put your dicks away I'll be there shortly

 **Keefers:** you heard the women Lance, put him away

 **Mermania:** GHEFDJFJN

 **Long:** sigh

 **Long:** I love this man

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WAS LISTENING TO GIRLS/GIRLS/BOYS WHILE WRITING THIS AND I WAS SCREAMING IT THE WHOLE TIME.


	5. girls/girls/boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nymallura. 
> 
> also some Keith and Lance being idiots
> 
> ALSO SOME CUTE ASS HUNAY 
> 
> Something big happens in this chapter, so enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you best believe that I am only writing this chapter as an excuse not to do my Science project (that was totally due two weeks ago)

_**Lura- > Manhands** _

 

 

 **Lura:** um, hey

 **Manhands:** why um

 **Lura:** huh?

 **Manhands:** you did an um before you did a hey

 **Lura:** hhhhhh

 **Manhands:** *why are you hhhh-ing now?*

 **Lura:** HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Lura:** are you free today?

 **Manhands:** I have no social life, I'm always free

 **Lura:** do you maybe wanna hang out later? At my place? 

 **Manhands** : why, of course. 

 **Lura:** rad

 **Manhands:** omg, you did not just say "rad"

 **Lura:** omg I did

 **Lura:** I'm hanging out with Lance too much

 **Manhands:** aww, you can never have too much Lance

 **Lura:** touche 

 **Lura:** so, can I pick you up in like an hour?

 **Manhands:** yeah, an hour will do

 **Lura:** terrific

 **Manhands:** I'm pumped. 

 **Lura:** woot

 **Manhands:** !!!

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Lura:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Podge:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

 **Lura:** IM DOING IT TODAY

 **Long:** doing what?

 **Lura:** asking out Nyma

 **Long:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Lura:** right!!!!!

 **Shirt:** GET SOME

 **Memethew:** THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND

 **Keefers:** you go, girl!

 **Plaxtic:** FLOR AND I ARE SO PROUD

 **Plaxtic:** she would say so herself but I Am Lying On Top Of Her

 **Keefers:** goals. 

 **Shayaway:** Hunk and I wish you luckk!

 **Shayaway:** he's nappinhg, but I know he's wishing you the besr

 **Shayaway:** srry ehs cuddling em and I can't bove my other jand

 **Podge:** Hunay is so pure

 **Long:** *Lies*

 **Shayaway:** shut

 **Memethew:** oh my god

 

 

_**Manhands - > Long** _

 

 **Manhands:** IM PANICKING

 **Long:** WEAR THE YELLOW CROPPED SWEATER AND THE HIGH WAISTED BLUE SHORTS AND YOUR CONVERSE

 **Manhands:**  h-

 **Long:** ALSO PUT YOUR HAIR UP WITH YOUR BLUE SCRUNCHIE

 **Manhands:** i

 **Manhands:** I love you

 **Long:** that's sweet

 

 

_**Lura- > Long** _

 

 **Lura:** WHAT DO I DO?

 **Long:** Pink t-shirt dress with blue and white stripes, your purple vans, and put your hair up with a purple ribbon. 

 **Long:** wow, this isn't even your first date, I need to start thinking about what you will wear then. 

 **Lura:** wh

 **Lura:** what would I do without you?

 **Long:** perish

 

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Lura:** thanks to Lance, I am looking hella fly

_**Lura sent an image** _

**Long:** I do my job and I do it well

 **Keefers:** Wow, Allura I am so straight for you

 **Lura:** that

 **Lura:** that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me

 **Lura:** thank you, Keith

 **Keefers:** <3

 **Plaxtic:** *which one of you fuckers is turning Keith soft?*

 **Keefers:** idk what you mean, I've always been soft

 **Long:** I mean, look at his username, it's literally Keefers

 **Long:** it's adorable

 **Podge:** its all because he volunteers at the children's library and the younglings call him "Keef"

 **Keefers:** Stop exposing me

 **Shirt:** he also volunteers at the old people home every other Sunday. He sometimes sings for them and that's where the "Keefers" comes from

 **Keefers:** STOP EXPOSING ME

 **Lura:** I think I'm in love with Keith

 **Mermania:** get in line

 **Mermania:** also half of my body is numb because of Plax

 **Plaxtic:** love you  <3

 **Long:** gross

 **Long:** but soft Keith is my favorite Keith

 **Keefers:** shut up, all Keith's are your favorite Keiths

 **Podge:** RDFTYGUHJK

 **Memethew:** i am also in love with Keith, wtf

 **Shirt:** no, pls, that would ruin me

 **Keefers:** ',:)

 **Shayaway:** ONG

 **Long:** stop hanging out with me, this is getting scary

 **Keefers:** but 

 **Keefers:** what about *the thing*

 **Plaxtic:** what thing

 **Keefers:** Lance, lets do it

 **Keefers:** let's tell them, Lance

 **Long:** keith no

 **Keefers:** lance and I have a child together

 **Long:** stop

 **Keefers:** his name is Fredrico and he is a cactus 

 **Long:** I want a divorce 

 **Hunkey:** do you really want Fredrico growing up in a broken home? also, I am awake now, hello

 **Long:** it's ok, he'll have Dave

 **Keefers:** YOU BITCH

 **Keefers:** DON'T BRING DAVE INTO THIS

 **Shirt:** who is Dave?

 **Long:** my lover

 **Keefers:** he cheated on me

 **Long:** I love Dave, I'm sorry Keith

 **Long:** I'm taking Fredrico and the dogs, we're moving to Cuba

 **Keefers:** I

 **Keefers:** but I thought we had something special

 **Keefers:** WE HAD A BONDING MOMENT

 **Long:** mmmmnope don't remember

 **Shirt:** get reckt

 **Hunkey:** I

 **Hunkey:** I'm going back to bed

 **Hunkey:** and I'm bringing shay with me

 **Hunkey:** see you later, sluts

 **Shayaway:** catch you on the flipside, you cunts

 **Podge:** Hunay: The "Pure" Couple

 

 

_**Lura - > Manhands** _

 

 **Lura:** I'm leaving now!

 **Manhands:** Yay!!

 **Lura:** Also! I was wondering if you would want to go for a stroll in the garden when we arrive at my home?

 **Manhands:** tbh, I've always wanted to go into the garden

 **Manhands:** so yeah! of course!

 **Lura:** Yay! Ok, I'll be there shortly!

 **Manhands:** I can't wait

 **Lura:** neither can I

 

 

_**Shayaway - > Hunkey** _

 

 **Shayaway:** baaaaaaaaaabe, where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuu

 **Hunkey:** I'm in the kitchen

 **Shayaway:** buuuuut whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **Shayaway:** I'm coooooooooooooooooooooold

 **Hunkey:** then cover up

 **Shayaway:** not like *that* cold

 **Hunkey:** what?

 **Shayaway:** I'm cold because I miss your body pressed into mine

 **Hunkey:** so, you just miss me?

 **Shayaway:** of course!

 **Hunkey:** God, you are so cute

 **Shayaway:** hhhhhhunk

 **Hunkey:** you know, I can't wait until we have a place of our own

 **Shayaway:** HHHHHHHHHHHHUNK

 **Hunkey:**  and I get to wake up next to you each and every morning

 **Shayaway:** stop, gonna cry

 **Hunkey:** I know that we're still young

 **Hunkey:** but, God I would be stupid if I ever let you slip away

 **Hunkey:** I won't

 **Hunkey:** not ever

 **Hunkey:** because you're perfect and I love you with every muscle and molecule in my body

 **Shayaway:** fuck you

 **Shayaway:** I'm crying what the fuck

 **Shayaway:** who gave you permission to do this?

 **Hunkey:** I just love you so much

 **Shayaway:** I love you too, Honeybunch

 **Shayaway:** I don't ever wanna leave you either

 **Shayaway:** I wanna wake up every day to you singing in the kitchen

 **Shayaway:** I wanna fall asleep each night to your loud snoring 

 **Shayaway:**  you are so sweet and caring

 **Shayaway:** I don't know how I found you

 **Shayaway:** But I'm never letting you go

 **Hunkey:** NOW IM THE ONE CRYING

 **Shayaway:** THEN COME BACK UPSTAIRS SO I CAN HOLD YOU

 **Hunkey:** IM ON MY WAY

 **Shayaway:** I LOVE YOU

 **Hunkey:** I LOVE YOU TOO

 

***

 

 _**Lura- >** _ _**Manhands** _

 

 **Lura:** thanks for coming, I had a really nice time

 **Manhands:** are you kidding? I had a blast

 **Lura:** I did too, truly

 **Lura:** so, next Saturday?

 **Manhands:** next Saturday. 

 **Lura:** Teriffic

 **Manhands:** Splendid 

 **Lura:** spectacular

 **Manhands:** I can't wait to see you in all of those lights, you're gonna glow

 **Lura:** FYGUHIJ 

 **Lura:** warn a girl next time

 **Manhands:** where's the fun in that?

 **Lura:** I

 **Lura:** you are evil

 **Manhands:** but you like it

 **Lura:** damn right I do

 **Manhands:** rdtfyguhigyFTyguhj

 **Lura:** *now you know how it feels*

 **Manhands:** hmm, I like it

 **Lura:** *evil*

 **Manhands:** huehue

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Lura:** GUESS WHO HAS A DATE TO THE FAIR NEXT SATURDAY

 **Lura:** it's me, you hoes

 **Long:** NEXT SATURDAY?

 **Long:** THE FAIR?

 **Long:** GREAT, NOW I HAVE TO RETHINK ALL OF MY OUTFIT CHOICES. 

 **Long:** also congrats, I guess

 **Lura:** I know you say that lovingly and I thank you. 

 **Long:** <3

 **Shirt:** WOAH

 **Memethew:** GET SOME GET SOME

 **Podge:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OMG, YES YES *YES*

 **Mermania:** PLAX AND I CONGRATULATE YOU!! WE ARE SO FUCKING PROUD

 **Mermania:** me and my GF are so proud that my gf is finally getting a GF

 **Keefers:** !!!!!!!!

 **Keefers:** WOWZA

 **Long:** omfg, stop being cute, it's hurting me

 **Keefers:** hhhh

 **Podge:** what???

 **Mermania:** stop fucking up, you asswipes

 **Lura:** I Am Tired

 **Shirt:** *what*

 

 

_**Klance??** _

 

 **Podge:** I can smell the love from here

 **Shirt:** shhh, don't jump the gun

 **Memethew:** but what if the gun deserves to be jumped?

 **Shirt:** Matt, I swear to god

 **Memethew:** :3

 

 

_**Long - > Keefers** _

 

 **Long:** I am sorry, It just

 **Long:** *slips out*

 **Keefers:** it's fine, babe

 **Long:** are you sure?

 **Keefers:** yeah,

 **Keefers:** let's just

 **Keefers:** *do it*

 **Keefers:** I'm sick of hiding

 **Keefers:** I love you and I want the whole universe to know

 **Long:** pls call me so I can hear you say that. 

 **Keefers:** better yet, just come over

 **Long:** bet

 **Keefers:** so we're really gonna do this?

 **Long:** wait till I get to you, that way we can brace each other

 **Keefers:** oh god, yes

 

 

_**The Cool Kids** _

 

 **Mermania:** you're telling them, aren't you?

 **Lura:** we figured, that's why we didn't say anything to cover you up

 **Long:** h

 **Mermania:** Lura and I are connected through the brain

 **Lura:** it's sometimes scary

 **Lura:** most of the time cool

 **Keefers:** weird

 **Keefers:** but yeah, we're gonna tell them

 **Mermania:** we'll be with you every step of the way

 **Mermania:** well, Allura will, I will be holding down Plax

 **Long:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 **Lura:** I BELIEVE IN YOU, MY SONS!

 **Keefers:** thanks mom

 **Long:** Thanks mami

 **Lura:** ok, we're done here, you heathens

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Long:** so uh

 **Keefers:** you see

 **Long:** the thing is

 **Keefers:** thisisalotharderthanithoughtitwouldbe

 **Long:** iknowright

 **Podge:** oh. My. God

 **Lura:** come on, you can do it

 **Mermania:** remember, *do it for mother*

 **Plaxtic:** omgomgomgomg

 **Shirt:** who's mother in this?

 **Lura:** me, you thot

 **Shirt:** fair enough

 **Mermania:** hhhh shut up

 **Mermania:** Keith, Lance, go ahead. 

 **Long:** we've been dating for a little over six months and we didn't tell anybody 

 **Keefers:** we also ate Shiro's Dorito stash, but that's irrelevant, just needed to get it off my chest

 **Keefers:** but yeah

 **Keefers:** we uh

 **Keefers:** yeah

 **Podge:** funny joke guys, just like the prank you pulled a few days ago

 **Long:**...that wasn't actually a prank, that was Allura and Florona covering up for our stupidness

 **Podge:** wh

 **Podge:** LURA? FLOR?

 **Podge:** iS THIS TRUE??

 **Mermania:** very much so, Lura and I have known the whole time

 **Lura:** we read Lance's diary

 **Mermania:** Lance didn't know that we knew until a few days ago

 **Memethew:** wh

 **Memethew:** why keep it a secret?

 **Shirt:** because Keith has commitment issues and wanted to make sure that the relationship was stable before announcing it. 

 **Keefers:** I

 **Keefers:** I

 **Long:** it's ok, bb

 **Keefers:** *I*

 **Keefers:** shiro scares me

 **Shirt:** me too, bitch

 **Memethew:** hhhhh *6 months*??

 **Long:** yup

 **Long:** six long and painful months of keeping our undying love for each other hidden

 **Keefers:** well

 **Long:** don't "well" me and don't you dare say "I wouldn't say undying" 

 **Keefers:** aw shucks

 **Plaxtic:** SO *LANCE* IS THE ONE TURNING KEITH SOFT(er)

 **Plaxtic:** stop it

 **Long:** no

 **Plaxtic:** pls

 **Keefers:** no

 **Long:** HAVE YOU HEARD THIS BOY GIGGLE? ITS LIKE MAGIC

 **Keefers:** lance, please, not this again

 **Plaxtic:** I can't believe. 

 **Mermania:** again???

 **Keefers:** every time I giggle he does a really dramatic death scene because "Keith, my heart can't take it. You're too cute and it's killing me. Goodbye kind world, thank you for blessing me"

 **Long:** you have it memorized, I'm so proud

 **Keefers:** you say it *every time* ofc I have it memorized 

 **Podge:** this is disgusting

 **Memethew:** I both hate and love this

 **Shirt:** Why is Lance in our house? I can hear his laughter

 **Keefers:** it's just your imagination 

 **Keefers:** shhh, go to sleep

 **Shirt:** no, he's most definitely here, I just heard "Fuck off Shito" through the walls

 **Long:** <3

 **Lura:** I, personally, Love this

 **Lura:** they are so cute together, you should see it when Lance plays with Keith's hair

 **Lura:** it warms my heart

 **Mermania:** Lance also writes songs for Keith

 **Memethew:** aww

 **Podge:** awww

 **Plaxtic:** awwwww

 **Shirt:** omg that's adorable

 **Long:** HHHH, THOSE ARE FOR KEITH AND ONLY KEITH

 **Long:** heathens

 **Keefers:** I am going to expose myself

 **Keefers:** most of my sketchbook is just Lance

 **Long:** HES! SO! GOOD!

 **Keefers:** hhhhh

 **Podge:** I can't handle all this ga-

 **Podge:** WAIT A MINUTE

 **Podge:** klaNCE, HUNAY,  ****PLAXONA, AND SHATT ARE CANON, AND NYMALLURA IS UNDERWAY

 **Shirt:** yes?

 **Plaxtic:** your point being?

 **Podge:** I

 **Podge:** I'm gonna be the only single one

 **Memethew:** PSSSSSSSSSH

 **Podge:** I'm gonna be surrounded by couples all the time

 **Podge:** I don't want this life

 **Keefers:** rest in penises

 **Long:** rest in prostitutes 

 **Mermania:** rest in prabula's

 **Plaxtic:** rest in plastic

 **Memethew:** rest in pies

 **Shirt:** rest in pasta

 **Lura:** Rest in rest

*******

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Hunkey:** OK, YOU TAKE ONE NAP

 **Hunkey:** JUST *ONE*

 **Hunkey:** AND SUDDENLY KLANCE IS CANON?

 **Shayaway:** I'm going back to bed, fuck yall

 **Shayaway:** I have the best boyf and you all can fight

 **Shayaway:** but you won't

 **Shayaway:** test me,

 **Shayaway:** do it

 **Shayaway:**  *I dare you*

 **Hunkey:** she's just upset she missed the big reveal.

 **Shayaway:** I also really Love Hunk

 **Hunkey:** fyguhijo 

 **Keefers:** rest in penises

 **Hunkey:** yup, ok, we are going back to bed

 **Hunkey:**  fuck you all, have a beautiful day

 **Shayaway:** Bye bye, you wenches

 **Podge:** ah yes, The Pure Couple. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allura is super fucking rich, fight me on it, I Dare You
> 
> I AM SO TIRED AND SO BONED BECAUSE I WROTE THIS INSTEAD OF DOING MY HW. oopsie


	6. Loturd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU........Lotor
> 
> *yay*
> 
> jk, everyone hates him
> 
> I WANTED TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT
> 
> also, there is some angst, but it's soft angst, calm down Hannah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LISTEN, I ACTUALLY LIKE LOTOR, I DON'T KNOW WHY IM DOING HIM SO DIRTY

 

_**Kogays** _

 

 **Acka:** BROTHERS!

 **Keefers:** SISTER!

 **Shirt:** what

 **Acka:** this is why Keith is my favorite sibling

 **Shirt:** omg, he's my favorite too

 **Keefers:** Wow, I'm so popular

 **Acka:** you have like 5 friends, shut

 **Keefers:** fair enough

 **Acka:** BUT I SUMMONED YOU HERE FOR A REASON

 **Acka:** I AM NO LONGER THE ONLY SINGLE KOGANE SIBLING

 **Keefers:** yoU DID IT?

 **Acka:** FUCK YEAH I DID

 **Shirt:** WAIT WHAT DID YOU DO?

 **Acka:** ASKED EZOR OUT

 **Shirt:** LOOK AT MY LITTLE SISTER, BEING ALL ROMANTIC AND SHIT

 **Keefers:** oh my god

 **Keefers:** I just realized

 **Keefers:** none of us are straight

 **Acka:** oH

 **Shirt:** poor mom

 **Acka:** poor *dad*

 **Keefers:** lol, he still thinks Shiro and Matt are "just friends"

 **Shirt:** I'm not telling him until our wedding

 **Acka:** are you gonna wear the dress?

 **Shirt:** no, why would I?

 **Keefers:** because you have the tits for it

 **Shirt:** I want a refund 

 **Acka:** :33

 **Keefers:** :333

 

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Long:** HEY BABE

 **Keefers:** YES DARLING?

 **Long:** I love you

 **Keefers:** *gay gasp*

 **Keefers:** I love you too

 **Podge:** I hate this

 **Lura:** I love this

 **Plaxtic:** fuck you guys

 **Long:** sorry, you missed your chance

 **Plaxtic:** this is why

 **Plaxtic:** this is why I almost drowned myself

 **Long:** IT WAS A GOOD JOKE, PLAX

 **Plaxtic:** NO IT WASNT, I ALMOST DROWNED MYSELF BECAUSE IT WAS AWFUL

 **Plaxtic:** IT WAS A JOKE ABOUT *COWS*, LANCE

 **Plaxtic:** my whole swimming career has been hell because of you

 **Long:** :3

 **Memethew:** diD I HEAR DROWNING?

 **Keefers:** MATT NO

 **Podge:** MATT YES YES YESSSS

 **Shirt:** MATT YES

 **Plaxtic:** its what you deserve 

 **Memethew:** two summers ago we were all at the beach and Keith and I wanted to swim out really far.

 **Keefers:** I can't swim

 **Keefers:** I forgot that

 **Shirt:** he really can't

 **Memethew:** we got like 5 feet out and then Keith was underwater 

 **Keefers:** I hate you

 **Keefers:** I made a friend down there

 **Keefers:** a crab, I named him Lenny

 **Long:** Iloveyousomuchohmygod

 **Podge:** g a y

 **Keefers:** hell yeah

 

_**Long** - > **Keefers**_

 

 **Long:** marry me?

 **Keefers:** bet

 **Long:** ftyguhij love you

 **Keefers:** I love you too

 **Long:** hhhh I miss you

 **Keefers:** come over then

 **Long:** soon, I have to wait until mama gets home

 **Long:** babysitting Claire and James

 **Keefers:** tell them I said Hi

 **Long:** will do

 **Keefers:** <33

 **Long:** <333

 

 

**_LÓreal - > Keefers_ **

 

 **LÓreal:** hello, Keith

 **Keefers:** whomst the fuckest gave you my numberest

 **LÓreal:** that's unimportant.

 **Keefers:** wrong

 **LÓreal:** can I just do what I came here to do?

 **Keefers** : you have 10 seconds, my attention span is short.

 **LÓreal:** I was hoping that you would like to hang out sometime? Just me and you?

 **Keefers:** um

 **LÓreal** : A date, if you will. I will pay for it all

 **Keefers:** uM

 **LÓreal** : I know its odd, we don't talk a lot and I know you don't enjoy my company

 **LÓreal:** but I think if we got to know each other, we would get along swimmingly.

 **Keefers:** Lotor, buddy, pal, bro, dude

 **Keefers:** I'm kinda dating someone

 **LÓreal:** oh,

 **LÓreal:** would you mind me asking who?

 **Keefers:** That's kind of confidential

 **LÓreal:** Keith, please, do not make up fake boyfriends to rid me off

 **LÓreal:** I am very persistent

 **Keefers:** omg, It's Lance

 **Keefers:** Lance McClain, we've been dating for over 6 months

 **LÓreal:** oh, how sweet

 **LÓreal** : but this changes nothing, I always get what I want.

 **LÓreal:** and now I want you.

 **Keefers:**  Um, well,

 **Keefers:** no

 

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Keefers:** GUYS WE HAVE A CODE ORANGE

 **Podge:** OH MY GOD

 **Shirt:** ORANGE? LET ME GET THE BAT

 **Memethew:** KATIE AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OVER

 **Plaxtic:** I'M ALRDY RUNINGF

 **Shayaway:** wha

 **Shayaway:** what's going on?

 **Shirt:** THAT'S NONE OF YOUR CONCERN

 **Shayaway:** DONT YELL AT ME, I'M FRAGILE 

 **Hunkey:** DON'T YELL AT HER, SHES FRAGILE

 **Lura:** isn't a code orange a "Potential threat/flirt that is threatening a member's well being"?

 **Keefers:** WHO TAUGHT HER OUR CODE

 **Memethew:** IM SORRY 

 **Podge:** MATT, YOU FUCKER

 **Memethew:** SHUT UP AND RUN

 **Long:** what

 **Long:** *who is threatening your well being?*

 **Mermania:** I love protective Lance

 **Keefers:** I, personally, love all Lance's

 **Lura:** gross

 

_**Long - >** **Keefers:**_

 

 **Long:** what's going on?

 **Keefers:** hhhhh, I'll just send it to the group

 **Long:** babe, 

 **Keefers:** It's fine!

 **Keefers:** *I'm* fine!

 **Long:** do you want me to come over?

 **Keefers:** yesplease

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

_**Keefers sent two images** _

**Keefers:** HHHHHH

 **Shayaway:** whomst?

 **Hunkey:** oh shit

 **Long:** heheheheh

 **Long:**  *what?*

 **Lura:** oh no

 **Mermania:** I can feel his rage from here

 **Shirt:** I

 **Shirt:** I Beat His Ass Once

 **Shirt:** I'll Fucking Do It Again

 **Shirt:** no one talks to my little brother like that

 **Memethew:** Shiro, stop thhis is turning me on

 **Podge:** EW, SHUT UP AND RUN

 **Podge:** we'RE ALMOST TO YOU

 **Keefers:** Lance and Plax just burst through the door

 **Plaxtic:** Shiro is clenching the baseball bat

 **Lura:** HAHAHAHAHH LOTOR?

 **Lura:** I'm gonna kill him :)

 **Keefers:** FYGUHIJO HE'S TYPING

 **Hunkey:** OH SHIT OH SHIT

 **Shayaway:** ROAST HIS ASS

 **Keefers:** anything for you bb

 **Long:** excuse?

 **Keefers:** I love you more than anything else in this world @Lance

 **Long:** I feel better

 **Plaxtic:** omg, shut up you are literally holding him

 **Long:** shhhh

 **Keefers:** HHHH HE SAID SOMETHING

 

**_LÓreal- > Keefers_ **

 

 **LÓreal:** excuse me?

 **LÓreal:** I am being polite?

 **Keefers:** no, you are being creepy. 

 **Keefers:** I have a boyfriend, not interested

 **LÓreal:** that will change. 

 **Keefers:** umm, sorry, he's kinda holding me rn, not changing anytime soon

 **LÓreal:** my arms are much more comfortable 

 **Keefers:** Listen, how many times do I have to say it?

 **Keefers:** I'm not fucking interested. 

 **Keefers:**  I Love Lance, and that's not changing

 **LÓreal:** wow, love? such a strong word

 **LÓreal:** what's gonna happen when he breaks your heart?

 **LÓreal:** he's a player Keith, you're just another chapter in his book

 **Keefers:** say that to my face you fucking asswipe

 **LÓreal:** gladly

 **LÓreal:** you are too good for a piece of trash like him. 

 **LÓreal:** you need a real man, someone who will treat you right. 

 **LÓreal:** like me, for an example. 

 **Keefers:** the day I even consider thinking about going out with you is the same day Mothman dies

 **Keefers:** meet me in the fucking pit, he's never dying, you thot

 **Keefers:** now, if you excuse me. I have a boyfriend to cuddle and a brother to hold back

 **LÓreal:** oh

 **LÓreal:** Shiro

 **Keefers:** yeah, and if you try anything

 **Keefers:** and I mean *anything*

 **Keefers:** he'll kick your ass

 **LÓreal:** mark my words, darling

 **LÓreal:** you will fall for me

 **Keefers:** oh, shove it up your ass

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

_**Keefers sent 3 images** _

**Keefers:** now if you excuse me, I have a Lance to love

 

 

_**Klance??** _

 

 **Hunkey:** oh my god

 **Hunkey:** poor lance

 **Podge:** poor lance?

 **Lura:** lance is insanely insecure when it comes to relationships and his own self-worth, he read all of those didn't he?

 **Shirt:** yes, and towards the end, he had a death grip on Keith

 **Mermania:** oh no

 **Shayaway:** I'm gonna kill Lotor

 **Shayaway:** Lance is probably crying now, oh no

 **Shayaway:** he hates crying in front of others, it makes him think he's weak. 

 **Shirt:** I'm not sure about the crying, but Keith's with him

 **Shirt:** we need to talk about Lotor tho

 

* * *

Keith excused them from the group, detaching himself from Lance's hold and grabbing his hands. Lance followed without question, letting Keith lead him into his room. Once inside, Keith wrapped his arms around Lance, burying his face into his shoulder, his hands tangled in his hair.

Lance sniffled, wrapping his slender arms around Keith's waist, his grip death-defying.

"You are worth everything in this world to me" Keith mumbled against Lance's shoulder. Lance's breath hitched. "I love you so much, so so much." Lance blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears in check. "No one. And I mean no one, will ever get in the way of my love for you," Keith pulled back, cupping Lance's face in his hands. A soft smile graced his rather strong features. Yet, the smile faltered when he saw a tear roll down Lance's cheek.

"I-I know. It's just, he's right, you deserve so much better. I mean, I'm just Lance. I can't give you anything and I-"

"Hey, Lance, I don't want anything else, you are not 'just Lance.' You are so special and loving and funny and smart and selfless, and I love everything about you." Keith stated firmly, his hands now gripping Lance's shoulders. Lance chuckled a bit, ducking his head to rest on Keith's shoulder.

"everything?" he questioned innocently, his hands rubbing circles into Keith's lower back.

"every single thing. All the way from your dimples to your awful taste in music. I love it all" Keith kissed Lance's head, letting out a small giggle when Lance hummed in contentment.

"Eres la estrella más brillante en mi cielo nocturno," whispered Lance, his nose nudging against Keith's neck. Keith whined

"You know I can't handle it when you compare me to the stars" he pouted, raking his fingers through Lance's messy hair.

"I didn't compare you to them, I said you are one. Nothing can compare to you." Lance lifted his head, deciding on pressing his forehead against Keith's.

"You are the brightest star in my night sky," Lance whispered softly, feeling satisfaction when he saw Keith's blush.

Keith grinned, biting his lip in the process, "Just shut up and kiss me."

 

* * *

 

_**Shirt - > Acka** _

 

 **Shirt:** darling sister of mine

 **Acka:** dearest brother?

 **Shirt:** why is Lotor harassing Keith?

 **Acka:** *excuse*

_**Shirt sent five images** _

**Acka:** fuck the what

 **Acka:** I'm gonna beat his ass

 **Shirt:** you and me both

 **Acka:** he has no right to talk about Lance like that!

 **Acka:** let alone talk to *Keith* like that

 **Shirt:** I Am Angry

 **Acka:** don't worry, i'll ask the ass hat what he's planning

 **Shirt:** thank

 

_**Spaghetti-hoes** _

 

 **Acka:** HEYO LOTURD

 **LÓreal:** yes?

 **Acka:** WHY YOU BEING CREPPY TOWARDS MY BRO

 **LÓreal:** brother?

 **Acka:** uh, yeaah, Keith

 **LÓreal:** KEITH IS YOUR BROTHER?

 **Nartiintheusa:** omg, what did you do this time?

 **Zethide:** Keith is such a good, what did you do Lotor?

 **Acka:** HE'S BEING CREEPY AND TELLING KEITH THAT HE WANTS HIM, EVEN THO KEITH LISTED MANY TIMES THAT HE'S NOT INTERESTED AND HAS A *BOYF*

 **Ezroar:** omg really! who?

 **Acka:** Lance

 **Ezroar:** THAT FUCKER, WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME

 **LÓreal:** listen, I like Keith very much

 **Nartiintheusa:** but it seems as if he doesn't like you. 

 **LÓreal:** that will change

 **Ezroar:** omg stop, seriously

 **Ezroar:** he doesn't like you, he likes Lance

 **Acka:** loves*

 **LÓreal:** but Lance is not good enough for him

 **Ezroar:** MCFUCKINGSCUZE ME?

_**Acka removed LÓreal from the chat** _

**Zethide:** fucking finally. 

  
  


    

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') I might have given up and the plot is totally starting to look like some shitpost. I'm sorry, I'm tired and drained of all emotion.


	7. cuties and booties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Shatt
> 
> Some Nymallura
> 
> Some Plaxora (or whatever their ship name is)
> 
> Some Klance
> 
> Some Hunay (the good kush)
> 
> poor, single, miserable, Pidge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS GONNA BE A SOFT CHAPTER BECAUSE YOU ALL DESERVE A SOFT CHAPTER AND I WANT A SOFT CHAPTER BECAUSE I LOVE MY SOFT BABIES
> 
> THIS IS FOR YOU HANNAH. 
> 
> ITS ALSO KINDA A MESS

_**Manhands - > Lura** _

 

 **Manhands:**  just popping up to say

 **Manhands:**  You Are Beautiful and I Hope You Have A Splendid Day

 **Lura:**  fuck you

 **Manhands:**  not yet

 **Lura:**  FUCK OFF

 **Lura:**  it's too early to be this flustered, you heathen

 **Manhands:**  I bet you're giggling

 **Lura:**  pshsshhshsh am not

 **Manhands:**  omg, you totally are

 **Lura:**  well, you have that sort of effect on me

 **Manhands:**  fuck

 **Manhands:**  you can't just say things like *that*

 **Lura:**  hue hue hue

 **Manhands:**  oh gosh, why do I like you?

 **Manhands:**  nvm, I know why

 **Manhands:**  shall I share

 **Lura:**  Nymaaaaaa

 **Manhands:** I'll take that as a yes, 

 **Manhands:**  you are the smartest person I know

 **Manhands:**  you are so fucking beautiful, like its unreal, are you an alien or something?

 **Lura:**  NYMA

 **Manhands:**  and you are so caring and soft but also super strong and you are such a little shit

 **Lura:**  NYMA PLEASE

 **Lura:**  you are hurting my poor heart

 **Manhands:**  I'm not sorry

 **Lura:**  well you should be

 **Manhands:**  well, I'm not, and you can't argue with me anymore because I'm getting in the car to go to work

 **Lura:**  you monster

 **Lura:**...

 **Lura:**  ,,,,,

 **Lura:**  you are the prettiest person I have ever seen, you are such a little shit, but you are also sweet and sensitive and selfless and I admire you greatly

 **Lura:**  have a wonderful day

 

__

_**Shirt- > Memethew** _

 

 **Shirt:** hey babe?

 **Memethew:** yes?

 **Shirt:** I love you. 

 **Memethew:** oh!

 **Memethew:** I love you too

 **Shirt:** like, I love you a lot

 **Shirt:** like, a lot a lot

 **Shirt:** so much, you are

 **Shirt:** the love of my life

 **Memethew:** ssssshiro

 **Memethew:** why are you doing thiiiiiiis

 **Shirt:** I just feel like I don't say it enough, you mean the world to me and I want you to know that

 **Memethew:** hhhhhhhhhh

 **Memethew:** Shirooo

 **Shirt:** y'know what?

 **Memethew:**  what?

 **Shirt:** I miss how you used to be the big spoon

 **Memethew:** hhhHHHHH

 **Shirt:**  I used to love it when you would play with my hair

 **Memethew:** I loved that too, babe

 **Shirt:** I would lay my head on your chest, my arms wrapped around your back

 **Memethew:** Shiro,

 **Shirt:** I felt so safe in your arms

 **Memethew:** what's wrong, babe?

 **Shirt:** ah, you could tell?

 **Memethew:** you forget, we've been dating for two years, we were friends for 10, I know everything about you

 **Memethew:** now, tell me what's wrong

 **Shirt:** it's just

 **Shirt:** college is in the fall

 **Shirt:** I don't

 **Shirt:** wanna mess up

 **Memethew:** babe, 

 **Shirt:** I don't wanna lose you

 **Shirt:** I don't want to mess up my future. 

 **Shirt:** I just

 **Shirt:** I feel like I'm gonna fail

 **Shirt:** and I don't wanna fail you, disappoint you

 **Memethew:** baby, you will never disappoint me. You are the smartest person I know, you won't fail *anything*. Okay? I know for a fact that I'm not leaving you anytime soon. Yes, we're starting college, but we're starting college *together*. We're gonna be roommates, we're gonna study together and only eat Chinese takeout. Nothing awful is going to happen, okay? I love you so fucking much and I will *not* let you leave me and I will *not* let you fail anything. 

 **Shirt:** fuck you, man

 **Shirt:** I'm not supposed to cry, it's too early for tears

 **Memethew:** come over?

 **Memethew:** let me cuddle you?

 **Shirt:** ...I'm already at your door, I started walking when you said you Loved Me

 **Memethew:** of course you did

 **Shirt:** yes, now let me in so I can sweep you off of your feet and kiss you so hard that you forget your name

 **Shirt:** Also before Pidge opens the door. 

 **Memethew:** I'm coming, calm your tits

 **Shirt:** you love my tits

 **Memethew:** damn right. 

 

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Podge:** help, Shiro and Matt are being gross

 **Lura:** OH, do tell

 **Shayaway:** rest in penises

 **Hunkey:** whats hapen

 **Podge:** I was in the living room when Matt ran down the stairs, threw open the door, and jumped into Shiro's arms

 **Podge:** Shiro then grabbed Matt's face and kissed him

 **Podge:** and kissed him *hard*

 **Podge:** they're now in Matts room and I can hear their giggles and its nasty. 

 **Plaxtic:** ew, affection

 **Mermania:** excuse me?

 **Plaxtic:** the only affection I accept is the affection my beautiful gf gives me

 **Mermania:** that's what I thought

 **Plaxtic:** Love you!

 **Mermania:** I love you more

 **Plaxtic:** I love you most

 **Shayaway:** gross, 

 **Shayaway:**...

 **Shayaway:** HUNK I LOVE YOU, YOU SHINE BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN

 **Hunkey:** AAAAAAAAAA

 **Hunkey:** I LOVE YOU TOO, MY BEAUTIFUL MOONBEAM

 **Podge:** STOP IT YOU HEATHENS

 **Keefers:** I heard heathens, I Have Arrived. 

 **Lura:** ofc, Keith

 **Long:** I heard Keith, I Have Arrived

 **Podge:** oh

 **Podge:** mY

 **Podge:** GOD

 **Podge:** I hate this

 **Long:** you just salty that you don't have a gal pal or boy toy

 **Keefers:** I Have A Boy Toy

 **Long:** I Am His Boy Toy

 **Keefers:** I Love My Boy Toy

 **Long:** *gasp* I Love You Too

 **Plaxtic:** I don't think I can call Flor my "pal"

 **Lura:** wha

 **Mermania:** you better shut the fuck up

 **Plaxtic:** well, you don't do the things that we do and then call each other "pals"

 **Mermania:** I told you to shut the fuck up

 **Long:** oh. my. god

 **Podge:** WHOMST

 **Keefers:** what the fuck do you guys do?

 **Mermania:** nothing, next question

 **Long:** whats your favorite color?

 **Mermania:** peach

 **Long:** I knew that

 **Mermania:** I know that you knew that

 **Keefers:** Florona?

 **Mermania:** Keithbert?

 **Keefers:**  ily

 **Mermania:** *gasp*

 **Mermania:** ily2 babe

 **Keefers:** no homo, tho

 **Mermania:** whatever you say bro

 **Keefers:** *no homo*

 **Podge:** no homo, ever, we are all straight

 **Hunkey:** most def

 

_**Plaxtic- > Mermania** _

 

 **Plaxtic:** heeeeey baaaaby

 **Mermania:** what do you want

 **Plaxtic:** I'm sorry, I just wanted to fuck with them

 **Mermania:** understandable, and its fine!

 **Mermania:** are you still coming over?

 **Plaxtic:** yeah, leaving in 15

 **Mermania:** bring your bathing suit

 **Plaxtic:** whyyyy

 **Mermania:** because it's hot as fuck outside and I Wanna See My Girlfriend In A Bikini

 **Plaxtic:** aaaaaaaaaaaa

 **Plaxtic:** love

 **Mermania:** love  <3

 **Plaxtic:** you better wear your yellow suit

 **Mermania:** anything for you

 **Mermania:** you better wear your purple one

 **Plaxtic:** of course, princess

 **Mermania:** evil

 **Plaxtic:** <33333

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Plaxtic:** sorry Keith, she's mine

 **Plaxtic:** I called dibs like 5 years ago

 **Long:** five????

 **Plaxtic:** I met Flor in 8th grade

 **Plaxtic:** that's when I found out that I was Bi

 **Mermania:** I was her awakening

 **Long:** thats

 **Long:** actually really cute

 **Plaxtic:** yeah, I know

 **Plaxtic:** we're the cutest

 **Keefers:** sorry to butt in

 **Keefers:** BUT

 **Keefers:** I Have To Strongly Disagree

 **Long:** as do I

 **Long:** the way I asked out Keith was hella romantic

 **Keefers:** I will never forget

 **Lura:** OOOOOH, DO TELL!!!

 **Long:** Keith? Do you want the honors?

 **Keefers:** fuck yeah I do

 **Keefers:** It was November 19th, and around 2 am Lance texted me and asked if I wanted to go to McD's with him. I said yes. We get there and we eat for like 10 minutes. I was kinda confused because Lance was being shy and was fidgeting and I wasn't used to Lance acting like that, it kinda scared me. So, when we finished eating Lance grabbed my hand and led me back into the car, I tried to ask what he was doing but he kept giving me *a look*, and it was so soft and cute, so I just shut my mouth and let Lance drive. After about 20 minutes of driving Lance pulls into a clearing on the side of a dirt road, we get out of the car, Lance grabs a blanket from the back seat, he grabs my hand again and we walked for a few minutes before Lance laid the blanket down. He sat down, pulling me down with him. For a while we just watched the stars, then Lance spoke. He told me all of his feelings, then I told him all of mine. I don't wanna go into detail because it's personal. We stayed there for a while, we made up our own constellations and cuddled until the sun came up. 

 **Keefers:** we also had our first kiss. 

 **Keefers:** so, suck it

 **Long:** I wanna go back there soon

 **Keefers:** tonight?

 **Long:** tonight.

 **Lura:** o

 **Lura:** m

 **Lura:** g

 **Lura:** you fuckers are so cute, wtf

 **Plaxtic:** that's unfair

 **Mermania:** Lance is the best boyf, wtf

 **Shayaway:** lies, Hunk is the best boyfriend

 **Shayaway:** he asked me out with food

 **Hunkey:** I did do that

 **Lura:** smh, I asked Nyma out in my garden

 **Mermania:** I asked Plax out with coffee, wtf

 **Long:** I win, you fuckers

 **Podge:** Klance is canon king

 **Keefers:** Lance, we win

 **Long:** *finally*

 

_**Shayaway - > Hunkey** _

 

 **Shayaway:** hey bb boy

 **Hunkey:** hey bb girl

 **Shayaway:** all this talk about relationships is making me miss you

 **Hunkey:** Shay,,,,you saw me yesterday

 **Shayaway:** I MISS YOU

 **Hunkey:** OH FUCK, I MISS YOU TOO

 **Shayaway:** I just wanna cuddle and play with your hair and kiss your nose

 **Hunkey:** hhhhh Shay

 **Hunkey:** I wanna cuddle, rub your back, give you Eskimo kisses, and kiss your forehead

 **Shayaway:** gosh

 **Shayaway:** can I come over? I miss you a lot right now

 **Hunkey:** yeah, of course, you can come over. 

 **Hunkey:** do you want me to pick you up?

 **Shayaway:** yeah, that would work

 **Hunkey:** mmmk, heading out now, get your pretty butt ready

 **Shayaway:** my pretty butt is always ready

 **Shayaway:**....wait

 **Hunkey:** HAHHAHAHAH

 

_**Keefers - > Long** _

 

 **Keefers:** y'know, Shiro is gone

 **Keefers:** Acxa is staying at Ezor's for a few days

 **Keefers:** and the parents are out of town

 **Long:** give me 10 minutes, I'll be there with blankets, snacks, and movies

 **Keefers:** are we still going to go stargazing tonight?

 **Long:** of course. 

 **Long:** I would not miss the chance to see you illuminated by the night sky

 **Keefers:** oh fuck off

 **Long:** and I get to hold you in my arms as we try to find the constellations we made

 **Keefers:** hhhhLance

 **Long:** I get to say all those things again,

 **Long:** I get to hear your giggle when the breeze tickles the back of your neck

 **Long:** I get to kiss you as many times as I want

 **Long:** I know we haven't been dating for long, we only said "I love you" two months ago

 **Long:** but, damn, I love you

 **Keefers:** I love you too, Lance

 **Keefers:** so much

 **Long:** I just

 **Long:** I wanna get to know every part of you

 **Long:** all your quirks, all your expressions

 **Long:** I want to know every inch of you like the back of my hand

 **Long:** I wanna touch every dip, freckle, and scar. 

 **Keefers:** Lance, 

 **Long:** I want to kiss every part of your body

 **Keefers:** laance

 **Long:** I just want to show you how much I love you

 **Keefers:**  hhhurry up and get over here

 **Keefers:** I have the sudden need to kiss you

 **Keefers:** I always have that need

 **Long:** Keeeith

 **Keefers:** whenever you smile, oh god, its so addictive

 **Keefers:** your hands are so soft and gentle

 **Keefers:** your voice is so soothing

 **Keefers:** I love how you like to dance and how you make me dance with you

 **Long:** we'll dance tonight

 **Long;** just us

 **Long:** slow dancing under the stars

 **Keefers:** I like that

 **Keefers:** I like that a lot

 **Long:**  anything for you

 **Keefers:** hhhhh

 **Long:** <3

 **Keefers:** <33

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally wanna write a one-shot for Lance and Keith's "first date". I'm just too lazy.


	8. BRO!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: things get a little spicy in this chapter, so, I'm sorry. 
> 
> Ummm, PLATONIC HANCE?? YES
> 
> IT GETS A LITTLE STEAMY IN THE SHATT DEPARTMENT AND BY A LITTLE, I MEAN A LOT
> 
> Also! Some background stories!!!!
> 
> softness, always soft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I BROKE MY COMPUTER, I WANTED TO DO A CHAPTER ON THE FIRST BUT I BROKE BERNARD (my computer, yes I named him) AND I TRIED TO DO IT ON MY PHONE BUT I RAGE QUIT. LUCKILY I HAVE ANOTHER SHITTY COMPUTER. 
> 
> and, tbh this is gonna be a pretty short series. I think I might stop at 15 chapters. Don't you worry. I wanna do another chat fic, just *different*. It's kinda like I started writing this and then realized that it's not really what I wanted it to be. So, yeah.

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Podge:** Keith is planning to wear his rainbow pins all month

 **Keefers:** ITS PRIDE MONTH, OFC I AM PLANNING TO WEAR THEM ALL MONTH

 **Long:** I have yet to take off my "Bi Bi Bi" shirt

 **Shayaway:** My shirt is just the bi-colors

 **Hunkey:** she looks adorable

 **Shayaway:** as always

 **Hunkey:** I

 **Hunkey:** yeah, u rite

 **Plaxtic:** My shirt says "Bi and ready to Cry"

 **Memethew:** Mine just has Shiro's face on it

 **Shirt:** Mine has matt's face on it

 **Mermania:** smh, mine is just a black shirt that says "Gay" in rainbow lettering

 **Keefers:** I. Want. That

 **Mermania:** >:3

 **Mermania:** I bought you one

 **Keefers:** GASP

 **Keefers:** Flor is the best gf

 **Podge:** omg, not this again

 **Podge:** anywhoser,

 **Podge:** my shirt is just the demi-sexual flag

 **Podge:** so, yeet

 **Hunkey:** My pan shirt is just a picture of a frying pan

 **Lura:** *my* pan shirt has a picture of Hunk on it

 **Hunkey:** *gasp*

 **Keefers:** Allura wins

 **Keefers:** she has the best shirt

 **Long:** tru, Hunk is the best

 **Shayaway:** I love Hunk

 **Shirt:** my favorite child

 **Lura:** *my* favorite child

 **Podge:** he's the best

 **Memethew:** I love hunk

 **Shayaway:** watch yourself Holt. 

 **Shirt:** yeah, Holt. 

 **Memethew:** nnnn

 **Mermania:** Hunk is my fav

 **Plaxtic:**   such a gem

 **Hunkey:** WH

 **Hunkey:** ITS NOT APPRECIATE HUNK DAY, WTF IS HAPEN

 **Shayaway:** ummm, excuse me?

 **Shayaway:** its always appreciate Hunk day

 **Shayaway:** I love

 **Hunkey:** HHHHH I LOVE

 **Long:** <3

 **Keefers:** <33

 **Podge:** <333

 **Lura:** <3333

 **Memethew:** <33333

 **Mermania:** <333333

 **Plaxtic:** <3333333

 **Shirt:** <33333333

 **Shayaway:** <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

 **Hunkey:** shay wins

 **Shayaway:**  (:

 **Podge:** the backwards smiley is terrifying

 **Keefers:** well

 **Plaxtic:** shay

 **Keefers:** *is*

 **Plaxtic:** terrifying

 **Long:** h

 **Plaxtic:** Keith and I are mentally connected

 **Keefers:** like Lura and Flor, but better

 **Mermania:** GASP

 **Lura:** *gay gasp*

 **Long:** hhhng

 **Plaxtic:** Keith is The Love of My Life #2

 **Keefers:** *gayerest gasp*

 **Keefers:** *babe*

 **Long:** I

 **Lura:** let's review

 **Long:** wha

 **Lura:** Lance was rejected by: Me, Flor, Nyma, and Plax. 

 **Lura:** and now all of those people are in love with his boyf

 **Lura:** how does that feel Lance?

 **Keefers:** omg

 **Long:** this

 **Long:** this is slander

 **Keefers:** omG

 **Podge:** Lance, baby boy

 **Hunkey:** wow, Allura went there

 **Long:** y'know what?

 **Long:** it's fine

 **Long:** cuz I'm the one he's holding rn, not any of you bitches

 **Memethew:** YGGUHIJOK

 **Memethew:** THIS IS WHY LANCE IS *MY* FAVORITE CHILD

 **Long:** Matt, I'm honored 

 **Memethew:** you should be

 

**_Hunkey - > Long_ **

 

 **Hunkey:** bro

 **Long:** bro?

 **Hunkey:** we haven't hung out at all this summer, bro

 **Long:** omg bro!

 **Hunkey:** bro...

 **Hunkey:** I miss you bro

 **Long:** BRO

 **Long:** I miss you too, bro

 **Hunkey:** really bro!

 **Long:** of course bro!

 **Hunkey:** hhhhhh ok, this is becoming too much

 **Long:** yeah, u rite

 **Hunkey:** as always

 **Long:** as always. 

 **Long:** BUT, tomorrow ma is making torta de tres leches

 **Hunkey:** SHE IS

 **Long:** YEAH

 **Long:** I also think she's making that stew that you like

 **Hunkey:**  ropa vieja!!!!

 **Long:** yeah!!!!!

 **Long:** y'know what time dinner starts, but you should most def come early so we can play some games

 **Hunkey:** bro, of course

 **Hunkey:** I'm gonna give you a big hug bro

 **Long:** BRO

 **Long:** I love your hugs

 **Hunkey:** and I love *you*

 **Long:** *bro*

 **Long:** I love you too

 **Hunkey:** <3

 **Long:** <33

 **Long:** Ma will be happy to see you

 **Hunkey:** and I will be happy to see her

 **Long:** smh, she loves you more than me

 **Hunkey:** everyone's parent's love me more than their children

 **Long:** wh

 **Long:** fair enough

 **Hunkey:** hue hue

 **Hunkey:** but I'll get there at like 2 and then we can fuck around for a while

 **Long:** yeet

 **Hunkey:** I'm regretting my decision

 **Long:** oh, shut up you love me

 **Hunkey:** sadly

 **Long:** SLANDER

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Keefers:** Hunk and Lance say bro to each other way too much

 **Long:** it's how we communicate!

 **Hunkey:** I Love My Bro

 **Long:** BRO

 **Long:** I LOVE YOU TOO BRO

 **Podge:** you should've seen them when Lance went away for 3 months

 **Long:** I MISSED HUNK SO MUCH

 **Hunkey:** I CRIED EVERY TIME I TALKED TO HIM

 **Long:** THEN THAT MADE ME CRY

 **Shirt:** w

 **Shirt:** where did you go for 3 months?

 **Long:** Cuuuba

 **Long:** My home planet

 **Memethew:** you were born there?

 **Long:** ye, then daddio got a job here, so

 **Long:** ye

 **Hunkey:** thank god for that job

 **Keefers:** thank god for that job

 **Hunkey:** HHH

 **Keefers:** whoa

 **Shayaway:** my boyf loves Lance more than me, and I'm ok with it

 **Long:** I had his heart first

 **Hunkey:** and you always will

 **Long:** BRO

 **Podge:** I'M HAVING WAR FLASHBACKS, STOP THIS

 **Long:** hhhh, sorry pidgetto

 **Lura:** war flashbacks?

 **Podge:** space camp

 **Keefers:** space camp

 **Long:** space camp

 **Hunkey:** space camp

 **Plaxtic:** WAIT THATS HOW YOU ALL MET?

 **Mermania:** ommmg

 **Keefers:**  That's the summer I fell in love

 **Long:** *gasp*

 **Keefers:** I was talking about Pidge, smh

 **Podge:**  (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

 **Keefers:**  (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

 **Memethew:** OK WAIT, SO YOU FOUR ARE THE OG'S?

 **Hunkey:** I mean, yeah?

 **Podge:** Hunk and I bonded over our respect for engineering and science. I become pals with Keith because of how sassy he was and we bonded over cryptids and aliens. I became friends with Lance because he was confident and easy going, but also because he was really sweet.

 **Podge:** I met Keith during one of the camp fire's, he was drawing Mothman in his sketchbook and I Screamed.

 **Keefers:** she did.  

 **Podge:** I met Lance at the Lake, he was arguing with some lameo about how awesome sharks are. Of course, I backed him up. Then our amazing friendship blossomed. 

 **Long:** *awwww*

 **Hunkey:** I have been friends with Lance since we were 5, so that's nothing new. Keith is actually the one who approached me, he told me that I looked like a nice guy and asked if he could sit with me. 

 **Shirt:** KEITH WAS BEING SOCIAL??!?

 **Keefers:** I wanted to protect Hunk

 **Shayaway:** thats understandable. 

 **Hunkey:** WAIT WHAT

 **Keefers:** yeah, some douche's were planning to ruin your spaghetti tower, so I sat with you to scare them off

 **Podge:** tbh, Keith is really fucking scary

 **Long:** right? it's so hot. 

 **Memethew:** Lance has a bad boy kink: confirmed. 

 **Plaxtic:** shut up, you do too

 **Memethew:** I'm sorry, but Shiro in a leather jacket is *hot*

 **Shirt:** HHHHH I ONLY WORE THAT *ONCE*

 **Long:** I WANNA SEE KEITH IN A LEATHER JACKET, WTF

 **Podge:** he has like 7

 **Long:** hhhng

 **Long:** Keith would have his way with me if he had a motorcycle 

 **Memethew:** omg, Shiro on a motorcycle is my *dream*

 **Keefers:** ...

 **Shirt:** ...

 **Keefers:** well

 **Shirt:** you see,,,

 **Keefers:** we do have motorcycles,,,

 **Long:** HHHHHHHHHH

 **Memethew:** I totally just creamed in my pants. 

 **Shayaway:** MATT

 **Hunkey:** I can't believe, we were just talking about how we met

 **Lura:** Matthew Samuel Holt, wtf

 **Podge:** ngl, it's a sexy bike

 **Shirt:** RIGHT

 **Shirt:** I love her

 **Keefers:** The Only Female I Will Ever Ride Is Red

 **Shirt:** Black is hotter

 **Keefers:** UM NO, HAVE YOU SEEN MY BABY?!? SHE'S BEAUTIFUL

 **Mermania:** keith's bike is so fucking hot

 **Long:** YOU'VE SEEN IT?

 **Keefers:** yeah, I asked her to help me when putting in the engine

 **Shirt:** btw, we made these bikes. 

 **Memethew:** Shiro, I know we said that we would wait until college, but You Are Pushing My Limits. 

 **Shirt:** Matthew,

 **Memethew:** Takashi,

 **Long:** Keith, pls come over with your bike

 **Plaxtic:** I can't believe

 **Lura:** Matt and Shiro are gonna go fuck

 **Podge:** Allura, can I come over? I'm scared

 **Lura:** pls do. I'm bored and the mice don't wanna play

 **Podge:** sweet

 **Lura:** let me just text Coran

 **Mermania:** aren't you in the same house?

 **Lura:** yea, but he's in the kitchen and I'm in the living room, and that's just too far

 **Shayaway:** fair enough, your house is like a *castle*

 **Hunkey:** smh, we started out talking about how we all met, now we're talking about how hot the Brogane's are and Allura's castle. 

_**Long sent 16 images** _

**Long:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Long:** MY BOYF IS SO HOTTTT

 **Keefers:** red is hotter, smh

 **Hunkey:** holy shit

 **Mermania:** I am so straight for Keith, wtf?

 **Plaxtic:** I've always been straight for Keith

 **Plaxtic:** he was never straight for me tho

 **Keefers:** lol, Plax was my first kiss

 **Long:** I just tripped. 

 **Lura:** WHATATTA

 **Hunkey:** EXCUSE ME?

 **Shayaway:** OMMMMMMMG

 **Memethew:** smh, Nyma was my first kiss

 **Lura:** WHATATATATATTATATAT

 **Shirt:** My first kiss was Allura

 **Lura:** smoochy smoochy

 **Long:** my first kiss was Hunk

 **Hunkey:** yeah

 **Shayaway:** wh

 **Mermania:** Shay was my first kiss

 **Shayaway:** yeah, lol that happened. Wow, all of our firsts are in the group

 **Podge:** Losers, I haven't had my first kiss

 **Plaxtic:** to be fair, Keith and I were like 9

 **Plaxtic:** I'm how he found out he liked dicks instead of chicks

 **Long:** thank you, so much

 **Long:** but yeah, Hunk and I were pretty young too, it was also a dare and Hunk cried afterward cuz he thought he ruined our friendship. 

 **Hunkey:** I WAS SCARED, OK??

 **Shayaway:** lol, Florona and I also got dared. I knew she was gay and I knew she saw me as a sister. 

 **Lura:** I just thought that Shiro was hot

 **Shirt:**  Allura was a spunky preteen

 **Memethew:** Nyma and I dated for a year and 3 months

 **Shirt:** don't. remind. me

 **Podge:** is

 **Podge:** is Shiro jealous? 

 **Shirt:** listen

 **Shirt:** I was madly in love with Matt at the time, of course I'm jealous. 

 **Memethew:** hhhhng Jealous Shiro is so hot because he clenches his jaw and mmmmmmmmmmm his jawline could cut diamonds. 

 **Shirt:** Matthew. 

 **Memethew:** Takashi. 

 **Podge:** I'm heading out now, Shiro. 

 **Podge:** Mom and dad are out of town for the week. Just don't be too loud

 

 

_**Memethew - > Shirt** _

 

 **Memethew:** please

 **Shirt:** Matt, 

 **Shirt:** I want this as much as you do, but

 **Memethew:** Shiiiiiiro

 **Memethew:** we go to college in two months, I'm giving you permission, basically begging you. 

 **Memethew:** Now get over here, ride your motorcycle, put on your leather jacket, and fucking fuck me. 

 **Shirt:** MATT

 **Shirt:** omg, I can't believe

 **Shirt:** You really wanna do this?

 **Memethew:** you have no idea. 

 **Memethew:** it's also really embarrassing talking about this

 **Shirt:** I agree

 **Memethew:** I just think we're ready. We've been dating for two years, Takashi

 **Memethew:** I love you and I want to do this with you. 

 **Shirt:** Fine, I'm coming over

 **Shirt:** but we're gonna talk about this before anything happens. 

 **Memethew:** yeah, 

 **Memethew:** that sounds like a good idea. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUE HUE HUE
> 
> ALSO
> 
> GIVE US THE TRAILER DREAMWORKS, YOU COWARDS. STOP BEING ALL CRYPTIC YOU SLUTS. IM STARVING AND YOU'RE JUST WATCHING ME BEG FOR FOOD. (jk, I love you pls feed me Klance, you know you want to. Jeremy is dropping many hints, he wants to feed me but he's trapped in the basement.)


	9. skanky skunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang gets high,,,well some of them do
> 
> Thats mostly it
> 
> I gave up, I'm sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHHHH IM SORRY FOR THE SLOW UPDATE. My grandma is in the hospital so I'm trying to focus on her rn, but expect this fic to end soon and a new one to pop up.

_**Edgey Teens with even Edgier Memes** _

 

 **Podge:** WHATS UP FUCKERS

 **Podge:** KEITH AND MATT ARE HIGH AND IM SCARED

 **Shirt:** WASDWF

 **Shirt:** MATT HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO NOT LET MY BROTHER GGET HIGH

 **Shirt:** DO YOU NOT REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME?f?s??

 **Memethew:** Keith ate a glowstick

 **Shirt:** KEITH ATE A GLOWSTICK

 **Keefers:** In my defense, pidge told me it was a gummy worm

 **Podge:** :))

 **Plaxtic:** you fuckers, getting lit without me

 **Memethew:** Plaxum,,,,you're in the bathroom

 **Plaxitc:** oh shit

 **Podge:** SHES FUCKING LAUGHING HER ASS OFF RN, IM SCREEECHING

 **Keefers:** Takashi,,,can I eat the icy crem

 **Shirt:** Keith, no, you're lactose intolerant 

 **Memethew:** hahah

 **Podge:** he already ate half of the container 

 **Shirt:** FUCKING HELL

 **Shirt:** I'M AT WORK, BUT IM CALLING AXCA TO COME GET YOU

 **Keefers:** she's already here, you hoe

 _**Memethew added Acka to** _ **Edgey Teens with even Edgier Memes**

 **Acka:** SUP FUCKERS

 **Shirt:** I hate this family

 **Acka:** and I hate your stupid face

 **Keefers:** anf your hair

 **Memethew:** HOW DARE, SHIRO'S FACE IS GODLY

 **Memethew:** but, yeah

 **Memethew:** his hair is shit

 **Plaxtic:** but

 **Plaxtic:** you said it was a perfect handlebar

 **Shirt:** EHT

 **Plaxtic:** like, for holding

 **Shirt:** OH MY GOD

 **Shirt:** MATTHEW

 **Keefers:** Skanky Skunk

 **Podge:** TFYGUHYIUYFYUGH

 _**Podge changed** _ **Shirt's** _**name to** _ **Skanky Skunk**

 **Skanky Skunk:** I fucking hate this family

 **Skanky Skunk:** WIAT

 **Acka:** wiating

 **Keefers:** wacka wacka

 **Memethew:** acka acka

 **Skanky Skunk:** *why didn't you say this in the main chat?*

 **Plaxtic:** SKANKY SKUNK NO

 **Keefers:** I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO DEATH

 **Acka:** Main chat? Infront of my bong?

 **Podge:** HUE HUE HUE

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 _**Podge added** _ **Ezroar _and_ Acka _to the group chat_**

 **Podge:** TAKE IT AWAY SHIIIIRO

 **Acka:** YOU FUCKER

 **Ezroar:** owo?

 **Long:** OWO!

 **Ezroar:** OWO

 **Lura:** I

 **Lura:** *what*

 **Long:**  irrelevant 

 **Ezroar:** unimportant 

 **Shayaway:** OWO!!!

 **Long:** OWO

 **Ezroar:** OWO

 **Hunkey:** I can't 

 **Mermania:** Ezor, a pleasant surprise

 **Ezroar:** Meet me in the pit, you hoe

 **Mermania:** BET

 

_**Edgey Teens with even Edgier Memes** _

 

 **Keefers:** SHIRO PLEASE

 **Acka:** SHE WILL GUT ME LIKE A FISH

 **Memethew:** Nice Grinch reference 

 **Acka:** thanks

 **Plaxtic:** I'm crying

 **Keefers:** as am I

 **Podge:** they're cuddling in the bathtub

 **Podge:** and crying

 **Skanky Skunk:** I CAN'T BELIEVE 

 **Podge:** Matt and Acxa just took another hit

 **Podge:** "HUKUNA MY TATA'S MOTHER FUCKERS" -Acxa

 **Podge:** IM DEAD

 **Skanky Skunk:** that's it, I'm doing it

 **Keefers:** rest in penises @ us

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Skanky Skunk:** @ Lance, Florona, and Ezor

 **Skanky Skunk:** your s/o's are currently very much high

 **Ezroar:** haha, skanky skunk

 **Ezroar:** and

 **Ezroar:** mcscuse?

 **Acka:** baby

 **Acka:** listen

 **Long:** Keith Akira Kogane, what are you thinking?

 **Mermania:** Plaxum, what the fuck?

 **Memethew:** ha

 **Memethew:** fucking loozers

 **Skanky Skunk:** Matthew, you are *not* off the hook

 **Memethew:** oh please, punish me

 **Hunkey:** I

 **Hunkey:** I'm taking Shay and leaving, she just screamed and threw her phone

 **Memethew:** tell her I love her

 **Hunkey:** no

 **Plaxtic:** listen

 **Keefers:** listen

 **Acka:** listenen

 **Plaxtic:** it's all Matts fault

 **Acka:** I blame doormatt

 **Keefers:** Matt told me Shiro's dick size and I started crying

 **Long:** oh my god, Keith

 **Ezroar:** Acxa, baby girl

 **Mermania:** Plax, I'm gonna beat your ass

 **Podge:** fyi, Keith and Plax are in the bathtub, crying, and cuddling

 **Long:** I can't believe 

 **Podge:** Acxa is whisper shouting "Burn" while watching Matt try to put out a fi

 **Podge:** HOLY SHIT, THERE IS A FIRE

 **Skanky Skunk:** I'm 

 **Skanky Skunk:** Matthew, what the fuck

 **Podge:** He just burned some of his hair off

 **Podge:** Keith just ran in going "WEEWOO, ITS THE FIRE DEPARTMENT YOU SLUTS" and threw a cup full of water at matt

 **Podge:** Pls come take your children home, I have a Matt to take care of

 **Podge:** DRTFYGH 

 **Podge:** Matt- "It won't grow back" Keith- "why?" Matt- "because Keith! when its cut, it loses its power!" Then Keith started singing the Healing song

 **Long:** I'm on my way rn, Ezor you want me to come get you?

 **Ezroar:** pls

 **Mermania:** I'm almost there, Lura is driving

 **Mermania:** she said she *has* to see this

 **Mermania:** she is also very concerned and her Mom instincts are kicking in

 **Skanky Skunk:** thank god

 **Long:** I'm gonna kick Matts ass

 **Memethew:** lol, you can try, green bean

 **Shayaway:** you should be terrified 

 **Memethew:** wh

 **Shayaway:** Lance beat the shit out of Rolo when he hit Nyma

 **Mermania:** Then Allura joined it

 **Hunkey:** It was considered self-defense so they didn't get charged

 **Keefers:** I 

 **Skanky Skunk:** Keith, buddy. I don't think that's a good idea

 **Ezroar:** ????

 **Hunkey:** ????????

 **Shayaway:** ????

 **Mermania:** ???

 **Long:** what

 **Keefers:** mmmmmm

 **Acka:** Keith, im with shiro on this, maybe another time

 **Acka:** just not right now?

 **Keefers:** but keeping secrets is bad for the soul

 **Long:** whats going on? Secrets? I'm panicking? 

 **Hunkey:** aren't you also driving?

 **Long:** no, Benji is, he needs his practice

 **Long:** ANYWAY 

 **Long:** what's going on?

 **Plaxtic:** Oh No, this is not a matter that should be texted about

 **Skanky Skunk:** you two can talk about this later. 

 **Long:** HHHH

 **Podge:** Keith just jumped out the window

 **Long:** HOLY FUCK WHAT

 **Podge:** FGHJK

 **Podge:** Keith- "I'm Asain, therefore I'm better than you all." He then rolled out the window

 **Podge:** Acxa- "WAIT BITCH, ME TOO. we gotta blast before they deport us and we have to live with granny again!" she also rolled out the window

 **Podge:** holy shit, they're fluent in Korean

 **Podge:** HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS

 **Skanky Skunk:** umm, well they *are* Korean. They *were* born there. Dad *still* speaks it

 **Memethew:** I always forget that you arent actually related to them

 **Hunkey:** WHAT

 **Skanky Skunk:** hhh yeah, their mom left after they were born and dad moved to the states with them. Then he met mom and yeah. My dad left when he found out that my mom was pregnant. 

 **Skanky Skunk:** exactly why Keith and Acxa have abandonment issues

 **Keefers:** skanky skunk, stop exposing us

 **Mermania:** beep beep mother fuckers, we're here.

 **Acka:** SHIT, WE'VE BEEN SPOTTED

 **Mermania:** Plax, get out here

 **Memethew:** don't be weak, Plax

 **Mermania:** I have brownies and a hot bath ready for you

 **Plaxtic:** FUCKING YEET

 **Plaxtic:** also, I'm sorry baby, I didn't think it would get like this

 **Mermania:** you can apologize in person, now please get down here so I can check for injuries.

 **Plaxtic:** omw

 **Plaxtic:** I loooove you

 **Mermania:** *sigh*

 **Mermania:** I love you too

 **Ezroar:** Lance and I are pulling up rn

 **Acka:** oh shit

 **Keefers:** Lance? I heard Lance? I love Lance

 **Memethew:** Don't be weak Keith

 **Lura:** don't you worry Matthew, I'm coming up to get you

 **Podge:** he just screamed

 **Long:** I know, I heard it

 **Long:** now, Keith, please come off of the roof

 **Keefers:** only if you say please

 **Hunkey:** this is why Keith is my fav

 **Keefers:** <3

 **Long:** sigh

 **Ezroar:** baby,

 **Acka:** fine

 **Ezroar:** thank you

 **Skanky Skunk:** wh

 **Skanky Skunk:** what are your secrets? 

 **Ezroar:** my undying love

 **Skanky Skunk:** ew, nvm

 **Podge:** update: Lance climbed onto the roof and Keith tackled him into a hug, they are now cuddling. Acxa jumped down and is now being held by Ezor. Allura is trying to open the bathroom door because Matt locked himself in there. Plax and Flor are in Allura's car, Flor is being very stern- *trying* to be very stern with Plax. Her efforts keep failing because Plax is soft when she's high. 

 **Mermania:** fucking fight me, she's adorable

 **Podge:** Lance got Keith off of the roof. He and Ezor are now bringing Acxa and Keith home. Allura gave Flor her car keys and told her to bring Plax home. She's about to beat the shit out of Matt

 **Skanky Skunk:** pls don't, I love him

 **Memethew:** lol, why?

 **Memethew:** I mean, look at the mess I caused. I'm a screw up lol

 **Skanky Skunk:** matt, 

 

_**Skanky Skunk - > Memethew** _

 

 **Skanky Skunk:** you're not a screw up

 **Memethew:** yes I am

 **Skanky Skunk:** no

 **Memethew:** I got your siblings high, pissed off half of our friends and made a huge mess

 **Skanky Skunk:** Matt, its fine

 **Skanky Skunk:** it's not like you forced them to do it, they choose to

 **Memethew:** hhhhh

 **Skanky Skunk:** I'm still gonna talk to you about this, but we can cuddle afterwards

 **Memethew:** ok, I'm sorry

 **Skanky Skunk:** I know

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Memethew:** @all, I'm sorry

 **Long:** Matt! You're fine!

 **Keefers:** *I'll always love you matthew*

 **Skanky Skunk:** ok, no

 **Long:** ok, no

 **Hunkey:** I'm proud of you for apologizing, Matt

 **Shayaway:** as am I! I love you!!

 **Podge:** oh fuck you, I hate a sad matt

 **Podge:** makes my insides feel weird

 **Acka:** Matt is my second favorite brother

 **Keefers:** ha

 **Skanky Skunk:** fucking hell

 **Lura:** Matt, just open the door, I won't kill you

 **Lura:** we can cuddle

 **Memethew:** tempting,,,,yeah ok

 **Ezroar:** You're fine, Matt! thank you for the apology

 **Mermania:** it's not your fault Matthew, don't beat up yourself

 **Plaxtic:** Matt is my second favorite boyfriend

 **Keefers:**  ha

 **Long:** smh, we all love you Matt

 **Acka:** yeah, now Ez and I are gonna leave you gay fuckers alone

 **Ezroar:** smh, you also gay

 **Acka:** shhh, they don't need to know

_**Acka and Ezroar left the chat** _

 

***

 **Skanky Skunk:** WAIT, I FEEL A DISTURBANCE 

 **Skanky Skunk** _**changed their username to** _ **Shirt**

 **Shirt:**  better

 **Keefers:** rest in penises skanky skunk

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actual good writing? Lol I don't know her


	10. repressed furry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do I smell dnd??
> 
> Also! WARNING! Things get a little intense towards the end, so....yeah
> 
> Coran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love waking up at 3 am and screaming.

_**Dicks and Drag** _

 

 **Corn:** LADIES AND YENLTES 

 **Corn:** its that time of the year :)

 **Long:** WAIT REALLY?

 **Hunkey:** HHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEAH

 **Lura:** excellent!!

 **Podge:** I Am Ready

 **Shirt:** oh hell yeah. 

 **Corn:** the first meeting will be this Saturday at the Altea residence 

 **Lura:** smh, Coran don't act like you don't live here

 **Corn:** well

 **Podge:** you do fuck her father

 **Corn:** WELL

 **Lura:** UNCALLED FOR

 **Lura:** anywhoser

 **Hunkey:** *are we bringing our costumes?*

 **Corn:** if you would like 

 **Long:** YEET

 **Podge:** furry Lance back in action. 

 **Long:** smh, you're a fucking dwarf

 **Podge:** BUT I HAVE A BACKSTORY, AT LEAST IM NOT SOME THEIF

 **Long:** IM NOT A THEIF IM A NINJA

 **Hunkey:** whatever you say, bud

 **Long:** I can't believe this slander

 **Shirt:** it's ok Lance, you're a ninja furry, we all support you

 **Long:** SLANDER

 **Podge:** owo

 **Podge:** does keith know?

 **Shirt:** DOES KEITH KNOW THAT YOU'RE A FURRY

 **Lura:** UWU

 **Corn:** wait...Keith? why would it matter if Keith knew?

 **Hunkey:** no one told Coran

 **Long:** CORAN IM SORRY

 **Podge:** Lance and Keith are gay for each other and are tots dating

 **Lura:** I CAN HEAR HIM SNIFFLING, YOU MADE HIM CRY

 **Corn:** lance, my boy, I thought you loved me

 **Long:** I DO, YOU'RE A FATHER FIGURE TO ME

 **Podge:** how sweet

 **Corn:** ...keith will know

 **Podge:** CORAN YOU GORGEOUS MAN

 **Lura:** GYREHIUOGJ

 **Hunkey:** rest in penises @ Lance

 

 

_**Long - > Keefers** _

 

 **Long:** don't believe anything Pidge, Shiro, Allura, *or* Coran tell you

 **Keefers:** wha

 **Keefers:** I'm gonna believe it

 **Long:** but

 **Keefers:** you told me not to believe it

 **Keefers:** so that probably means its true. 

 **Long:** but its not

 **Keefers:** ...we'll see

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

_**Podge added Corn** _

**Corn:** ello

_**Corn sent 17 images** _

**Corn:** :)

 **Plaxtic:** what

 **Plaxtic:** what am I looking at

 **Shirt:** CORAN YOU WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO EXPOSE LANCE, NOT ALL OF US

 **Corn:** :))

 **Lura:** i

 **Lura:** I REALLY WISH I COULD HATE YOU

 **Corn:** :)))

 **Shayaway:** hunk, why do you have a beard?

 **Hunk:** HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Memethew:** SHIRO, HOLY FUCK YOUR HAIR

 **Memethew:** YOU LOOK SO HOT, WTF

 **Mermania:** pidge, your armor... is huge on you

 **Podge:** listen, 

 **Podge:** it has a backstory

 **Mermania** : FTYGUYIU

 **Keefers:** Allura looks smoking

 **Lura:** *straight gasp* thank you, Keith

 **Keefers:** any day bbg

 **Memethew:** ok

 **Plaxtic:** but why isn't anyone talking about the best part of this?

 **Long:** no

 **Plaxtic:** LANCE IS A FUCKING FURRY

 **Long:** no

 **Podge:** yes

 **Hunkey:** yes

 **Shirt:** yes

 **Corn:** yes

 **Lura:** yes

 **Long:** slander

 **Keefers:** IS THIS WHAT YOU TEXTED ME ABOUT?

 **Long:** shhh, go to bed

 **Keefers:** bitch, I just woke up

 **Long:** Keith, what happened to healthy sleeping habits?

 **Keefers:** listen, 

 **Keefers:** I don't wanna sound clingy

 **Keefers:** but I can't sleep well without you

 **Long:** ohmy

 **Lura:** rest in penises @ Lance's gay heart

 

 

_**Keefers - > Long** _

 

 **Keefers:** you're on your way over, aren't you?

 **Long:** shhhh and unlock your front door

 **Keefers:** unbelievable

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Plaxtic:** so,,,Lance is a furry

 **Long:** no

 **Podge:**  yes

 **Hunkey:**  yes

 **Shirt:**  yes

 **Corn:**  yes

 **Lura:**  yes

 **Long:** I MADE THE CHARACTER WHEN I WAS 13

 **Long:** *13*

 **Hunkey:** but like, you could have changed it

 **Long:** but

 **Lura:** I mean, I changed mine

 **Shirt:** I didn't need to change mine, it's amazing

 **Hunkey:** mines pretty chill

 **Podge:** I was just too lazy

 **Lura:** "too lazy" more like "I spent three weeks coming up with a backstory, I even made a diagram of my characters favorite foods"

 **Podge:** fuck you

 **Corn:** I am the dungeon master, I have the ultimate power

 **Shirt:** no

 **Long:** wrong, but ok

 **Memethew:** @ Keith

 **Memethew:** our boyfriends are bigger nerds than we are. 

 **Shirt:** last summer you and Keith lived in the tree house because you thought you saw Big Foot

 **Keefers:** HE WAS OUT THERE

 **Memethew:** WE HAD PROOF

 **Plaxtic:** I WAS ALSO THERE, HE WAS OUT THERE

 **Podge:** he was most def out there

 **Long:** I love my cryptid hunting boyf

 **Shayaway:** I've been quiet because I was looking at those pictures and,,,,

 **Shayaway:** Allura, you are so hot

 **Lura:** *lesbian gasp*

 **Lura:** Shay!

 **Hunkey:** pls no

 **Hunkey:** I love her more than I love Lance, pls don't steal her away from me. 

 **Long:** understandable

 **Shayaway:** AWWW, HUNKEY

 **Shayaway:** you finally admit to it

 **Long:** *sigh*

 **Long:** I'm giving up, I'm a repressed furry, and I no longer have Hunks heart

 **Long:** now nap time with the boyf

 **Keefers:** peace out future prostitutes. 

 **Mermania:** this is why I'm straight for Keith. 

 **Corn:** this is why I'm leaving

 **Corn:** pleasure talking to you all again, till we meet again

 **Mermania:** BYYE CORAN

 **Hunkey:** see ya later!

 **Long:** goodbye, you gorgeous man  <3

 **Corn:** Lance is my favorite

_**Corn left the group chat** _

**Lura:** :O

 **Long:** hudey hue

 

_**Keefers - > Manhands** _

 

 **Keefers:** do you want to see something beautiful?

 **Manhands:** is it you?

 **Keefers:** Jebesus, no

 **Keefers:** stop hitting on me, we're gay

 **Manhands:** but I love you

 **Keefers:** I love you too

 **Keefers:** BUT

 **Keefers:** I got the next best thing 

_**Keefers sent 5 images** _

**Manhands:** HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Keefers:** my boyf is a furry, you're lucking you got a warrior princess 

 **Manhands:** I

 **Manhands:** are they playing dnd?

 **Keefers:** yes, Nyma, they are

 **Manhands:** beautiful

 **Keefers:** just like you

 **Manhands:** KEITH GHUFD

 **Keefers:** ;)

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Long:** Keith and Nyma flirt with each other, what the fuck

 **Lura:** what the fuck?

 **Lura:** smh, she's in love with Keith

 **Long:** he just hit on her

 **Long:** I

 **Long:** I don't know how to feel. 

 **Keefers:** rest in penises 

 

 

_**Manhands- > Lura** _

 

 **Manhands:** hey, you're a beautiful nerd

 **Lura:** fucking hell

 **Lura:** Keith?

 **Manhands:** Keith.

 **Lura:** I've been exposed

 **Manhands:** what the fuck? like I wanna see you now

 **Manhands:** I wannA KISS YOUR NOSE

 **Manhands:** AND GIVE YOU ESKIMO KISSES

 **Manhands:** I WANNA RUN MY FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR

 **Manhands:** AND CUDDLE

 **Manhands:** LAY MY HEAD ON YOUR CHEST

 **Lura:** shut your fuck rn

 **Lura:** I'm coming over

 **Lura:** and I'm gonna kiss your hands

 **Lura:** and play with your hair

 **Lura:** omg, fuck you, you're turning me soft

 **Manhands:** soft allura is my favorite allura

 **Lura:** funny, Hunk said that once

 **Manhands:** o?

 **Lura:** I was going to threaten him with death, but he's one of The Good Ones. 

 **Manhands:** o.

 **Manhands:** am I one of the good ones?

 **Lura:** we'll see

 **Manhands:** *gasp*

 

 

_**The Rad Sad** _

 

 **Long:** Hi, yes, Keith just told me about what happened with Rolo

 **Plaxtic:** hhhhhhhhhhng

 **Mermania:**???

 **Hunkey:** explain

 **Shirt:** y'know when they all were high? and Pidge, Plax, and I stopped Keith from saying something?

 **Hunkey:**  oh

 **Shayaway:** I'm curious now. 

 **Long:** hahahhahahaiwantmurderhahhahahhaha

 **Memethew:** oh yeah,

 **Memethew:** that happened

 **Lura:** Nyma knows what happened but she's not telling me, so spill those juicy beans

 **Keefers:** shiro or pidge can do it

 **Podge:** gladly

 **Podge:** Keith and Rolo dated for 3 months

 **Keefers:** ew

 **Long:** omgiloveyou

 **Mermania:** *what*

 **Shayaway:** I am surprised

 **Podge:** Rolo was very mean to Keith and was always putting him down. Feeding his insecurities and causing him to distance himself. 

 **Podge:** he hit him

 **Podge:** made Keith drink beer and shit

 **Podge:** then he tried forcing himself on Keith

 **Podge:** that's when Keith kicked the fuck face in the nuts and ran out of the house. 

 **Shirt:** Plax and I later returned with a baseball bat and a screwdriver

 **Plaxtic:** I dislocated his ankle :)

 **Memethew:** pidge and I hacked into all of his social media and trolled him

 **Podge:** I also changed all of his grades

 **Keefers:** I was pretty shaken up for a while, that's kinda why the whole Lotor thing affected me in the way that it did. 

 **Keefers:** possessive talk like that scares the living shit out of me

 **Lura:** I Wanna Kill This Hoe

 **Long:** He's fucking lucky that he moved states

 **Long:** I would beat his ass

 **Mermania:** *again*

 **Keefers:** hhhhcanwechangethetopic?

 **Lura:** Lance died once

 **Long:** OH BOY

 **Lura:** I brought him back to life

 **Shayaway:** I'm intrigued

 **Hunkey:** I REMEMBER THIS

 **Hunkey:** CAN I TELL!

 **Lura:** I can never say no to you, my precious ray of sunshine

 **Hunkey:** <33

 **Hunkey:** SO

 **Hunkey:** Lance and Allura were surfing

 **Hunkey:** A huge wave came out of nowhere and it was coming right at an unexpecting Allura

 **Hunkey:** Lance, on the other hand, noticed. 

 **Hunkey:** He quickly swam over and pushed Allura out of the way before the wave could hit her

 **Hunkey:** he, of course, got hit pretty hard

 **Hunkey:** then Allura was dragging him to shore

 **Hunkey:** performing CPR and all that jazz

 **Hunkey:** nothing was working, Lance wasn't breathing

 **Hunkey:** then Allura just placed her forehead against Lance's

 **Hunkey:** and poof

 **Hunkey:** Lance is quickly springing back to life. 

 **Lura:** I'm pretty darn magical

 **Long:** she is

 **Lura:** Hunk bought us ice cream after, so that was fun!

 **Keefers:** I no like the idea of Lance dying

 **Long:** He doesn't

 **Long:** he's in koala mode rn, latched onto my back. 

 **Keefers:** not let go

 **Long:** I know baby, I know

 **Shayaway:** ew

 **Shayaway:** ,,,,Hunk get over here so I can koala you

 **Hunkey:** omw, baby doll

 **Memethew:** shewwo?

 **Shirt:** never say that again

 **Shit:** and I'm in the bathroom, be there in a sec

 **Plaxtic:** flor,

 **Mermania:** I wanna koala *u*

 **Plaxtic:** bet

 **Plaxtic:** get your ass upstairs

 **Lura:** Nyma is currently in Koala mode

 **Lura:** im love

 **Podge:** this

 **Podge:** this is why I hate being single. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmmmmmmmmm time to get 2 hours of sleeeeep


	11. :(

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sad. Fluff. SAD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im not sorry

**_Long - > Hunkey_ **

 

**Long:** Hunk I cant

**Long:** I just *cant*

**Hunkey:** what?

**Long:** everything is falling apart, I

**Long:** I can't do anything

**Long:** I'm such a failure

**Hunkey:** buddy, whats up?

**Hunkey:** talk to me, Lance

**Long:** its just, mom and dad are fighting over how they're gonna pay for college

**Long:** I also tried talking to dad about my depression

**Long:** like you told me to do

**Hunkey:** and? how did it go?

**Long:** he said, "Oh it's nothing, I was just like that when I was younger, you'll get over it soon."

**Hunkey:** Lance, buddy

**Long:** and I haven't eaten a full meal in two days, I've only been snacking on small things.

**Hunkey:** are you purging?

**Long:** no

**Hunkey:** self-harming?

**Long:** i

**Long:** I'm sorry

**Hunkey:** Lance, have you tried the alternatives I told you?

**Long:** Hunk I'm sorry, I can't

**Long:** it's just too much

**Long:** I try but then I feel foolish

**Hunkey:** buddy, do you want me to come over?

**Hunkey:** we can cuddle like we used to?

**Long:** please, I feel like I'm gonna break down at any second

**Hunkey:** I'll bring the sweater you like

**Long:** thank you

**Long:** really

**Hunkey:** I'm always here for you Lance

**Long:** my best bro

**Hunkey:** best bros for life

 

**_Hunkey - > Keefers_ **

 

**Hunkey:** hey, has Lance talked to you recently?

**Keefers:** we talked this morning for a bit, but then I had something to do, why?

**Hunkey:** oh, ok

**Hunkey:** It's not really my place to talk, but just

**Hunkey:** show your support

**Keefers:** of course

**Keefers:** is he ok?

**Hunkey:** tbh, no

**Hunkey:** but I think he needs some time rn

**Hunkey:** pls text him in the morning

**Keefers:** yeah

**Keefers:** yeah of course

**Keefers:** Tell him I love him

**Hunkey:** of course.

 

**_Lura - > Hunkey_ **

 

**Lura:** my boy is sad, I can sense it

**Lura:** what is wrong?

**Hunkey:** omg, wow

**Lura:** it's 3 am on a Saturday and he's not sending me slime vids

**Lura:** what's wrong with my sweet prince?

**Hunkey:** he's not looking good Allura

**Hunkey:** he's relapsing and hasn't been eating

**Lura:** Lance, oh no

**Hunkey:** I'm with him now, he's currently crying into my sweater

**Hunkey:** Allura his dad told him that his depression is just a phase

**Lura:** oh my god

**Lura:** ooooooh my god

**Lura:** I'm gonna kidnap him

**Lura:** and give him the life he deserves

**Hunkey:** LETS TAKE HIM BACK TO CUBA

**Lura:** BET

**Hunkey:** ok

**Lura:** yeah

**Lura:** so tomorrow I will kidnap him and you

**Lura:** and a nice day with the three of us cuddling

**Hunkey:** he said "tell Allura that I worship the ground she walks on" he also mumbled something about coconuts but I didn't get it because he shoved his face into my arm

**Lura:** coconut chocolate macaroons, got it

**Lura:** tell him that I love hiiiim

**Hunkey:** he started crying some more and gave me a thumbs up

**Lura:** :(((

**Hunkey:** he said "for every frown she adds, I picture it as a double chin"

**Lura:** OMG, PUT HIM TO BED

**Hunkey:** will do

**Lura:** quick, before you go

**Lura:** are you gonna tell the group chat?

**Hunkey:** yeah I'll do it in the morning

**Lura:** beautiful

**Lura:** SLEEP WELL MY PRINCE AND MY LOYAL KNIGHT

**Hunkey:** SLEEP WELL MY SWEET PRINCESS, AND GET OFF OF YOUR PHONE ITS BAD FOR YOUR EYES

**Lura:** lol, I'm supposed to be the squad friend

**Hunkey:** SLEEP

**Lura:** shit, okay, damn

**Hunkey:** <33

**Lura:** <33

 

***

 

**_Keefers - > Long_ **

 

**Keefers:** good morning, spaceman

**Keefers:** just wanted to say

**Keefers:** that you mean so much to me. You are one of the smartest people I know. You have the biggest heart ever, you are so kind. You are so bright and cheery and I love that. You are funny and sensitive and sweet and soft. You also have your down days, but I'm always here to tell you that I care. To tell you to take care of yourself and to be yourself. Because I Love Lance McClain just the way he is. Broken bits and all. I love how you cry over RomComs and laugh at cute things. I love how you get sad when someone else it sad, how selfless you are. I love everything, your scars and beauty marks. How your hair curls in the morning. I Love Everything About You. You need to understand that I am always here for you. I am always going to hold you when you need me to.  I will never let you go.

**Keefers:** I love you too much to let you go

**Long:** gosh

**Long:** I

**Long:** Keith,

**Keefers:** lance?

**Long:** I love you so much, holy shit

**Keefers:** I know

**Keefers:** I love you too

**Long:** no, like

**Long:** I love you so much that it *hurts*

**Keefers:** and it hurts me knowing that you are hurting

**Keefers:** what's up, love?

**Long:** hunk texted you?

**Keefers:** hunk texted me.

**Long:** hhhhh

**Long:** I just

**Long:** feel like *shit*

**Long:** mom and dad are fighting over college funds and dad told me that my depression was a phase and

**Long:** the whole lotor and rolo thing

**Long:** I just

**Long:** feel so out of control

**Keefers:** did you relapse?

**Long:** I'm so sorry

**Long:** I tried, I really did

**Keefers:** shhhh, don't apologize, ok?

**Keefers:** just explain the rest to me in person

**Long:** I have plans with Hunk and Allura, she's kidnapping us

**Keefers:** good

**Keefers:** I hope you have fun

**Long:** I hope you don't worry too much

**Keefers:** no promises.

**Long:** <33

**Keefers:** <33

  
  


**_Klance???_ **

 

**Hunkey:** hey @everyone, Lance is *not* feeling himself today

**Hunkey:** he totally broke down last night and is very fragile

**Memethew:** my son :(

**Podge:** my illegitimate older bro :(

**Shayaway:** oh no

**Lura:** I will be kidnapping Hunketh and Lancelot today, no one can stop me

**Shirt:** of course not, tell him that I love him

**Hunkey:** he just screeched and went "Shiro? him too? gosh!"

**Shirt:** lol

**Memethew:** TELL HIM THAT I LOVE HIM WITH ALL OF MY HEART

**Shirt:** i

**Hunkey:** ahem

**Hunkey:** "MATT, MY SUN, MY MOON, MY STARS, I LOVE YOU TOO"

**Hunkey:** "now if you excuse me, I have a date with Agustus Waters"

**Lura:** his plan is to cry himself dry

**Plaxtic:** MY BB BOY

**Mermania:** :((((((((((((((((

**Lura:** he was right, those do look like double chins

**Mermania:** tfyguhj

**Shayaway:** noah fence, but I'm just confused

**Shayaway:** he doesn't seem sad?

**Hunkey:** oh!

**Hunkey:** that's because he turns into a man baby when he is tired

**Hunkey:** and being sad makes him kinda super sarcastic

**Hunkey:** he is both tired and sad

**Lura:** he's a beautiful mess rn

**Podge:** does Keith know?

**Hunkey:** yeah, he made Lance cry this morning

**Mermania:** *what*

**Hunkey:** good tears!

**Hunkey:** i texted him last night and told him to show him support

**Hunkey:** the next thing I know, Lance is crying into his lucky charms

**Plaxtic:** omg

**Memethew:** omf

**Shayaway:** omf?

**Shirt:** "oh my fuck"

**Podge:** FTYGUHIJ

  
  


**_Lura - > Manhands_ **

 

**Lura:** darling dearest,

**Manhands:** baby girl?

**Lura:** I have to cancel today's plans, I'm so sorry

**Manhands:** whyy :(

**Lura:** my sweet prince is a sad sweet prince and I need to make him a happy sweet prince again

**Lura:** he's really out of it and I'm concerned

**Lura:** so, I will be spending the day with Lanceylance and Hunkey Monkey

**Manhands:** look at you, being all supportive and junk

**Manhands:** and it's fine!

**Manhands:** we can just reschedule, Lance's mental health is more important than a cafe date

**Lura:** :((

**Manhands:** I mean it, its fine

**Lura:** :((

**Manhands:** it's *f i n e*

**Manhands:** now go cuddle loverboyo for me.

**Lura:** already doing it

**Lura:** good

  
  


Hunk, Lance, and Allura all sat on the floor. Hunk had an arm around Lance's shoulder, Allura had her legs draped over Lance's. Lance was perfectly content being in the middle of his two best friends. They ate 3 tubs of Oreo ice cream, watched The Notebook, Fault in our Stars, and Titanic. Lance was running out of tears and his heart yearned for Keith. All he wanted to do was kiss him, cuddle him, have him hold Lance in his arms. All Lance wanted was to feel protected... Well, he already feels that way, Allura and Hunk had firm grips on him, cuddling him and holding his hands. 

Lance was so grateful for his friends. So grateful that they cared about him this much, Grateful that they cared about his feelings and state of mind. 

He loved his two best friends... but he really needed his boyfriend. 

"Hey-"

"Yes, he can come pick you up." Allura interrupted Lance, a smug smirk on her face

“But-”

“No, you need to see him, he needs to see you. We get it. We’re just gonna watch Camp Rock and cuddle. Go, call Keith.” Hunk patted Lance’s back,

“Jesus, its like you know what I’m thinking” Lance mumbled as he stood and walked into the bathroom. 

He leaned against the sink while he dialed Keith’s number, his mind already calming. 

  
Keith answered on the second ring

 

_ “Hello?” _

“Hey,”

_ “Is everything ok? Are you ok? Is something wrong?” _ Keith panicked, Lance could hear shuffling in the background. 

“Everything is  _ fine _ , mulletman”

“ _Oh, then what’s up?”_ Lance heard Keith’s sigh of relief, could feel the panic leaving his boyfriend’s body. 

“I just missed your voice” 

It was silent for a minute, a loud thud sounding from the other side, then a squeal. 

“ _ You do dirty things to my heart, McClain” _

“Heh, I can do even dirtier things with yo-”

“ _ LANCE!” _

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Lance chuckled, feeling a weight get lifted off of his chest. Gosh, just talking to Keith makes him feel better

“But in all seriousness, I miss you.” Lance bit his lip, his eyes scanning the wall in front of him

“ _ I miss you too, so much.” _

“Can you come pick me up?”

“ _ What about Hunk and Allura?” _

“They’re fine with it, they said I should be with you.”

_ “Damn right, you should, yeah i’ll come pick you up.  _

“beautiful.”

“ _ Just like you” _

“Hmmmm, just hurry up and get here so I can kiss you.”

“ _ Roger that, Spaceman” _

Lance giggled, earning a fond sigh from Keith

“I love you, my shooting star,” Lance’s voice was laced with love, his eyes closed and face pulled into a giant smile. 

_ “I love you, my sweet prince.” _

  
  
  


Lance's face bloomed into a beautiful smile when he saw Keith walk down the basement stairs. He ambushed him, rushing into him and wrapping his arms around his neck. Keith stumbled but then quickly caught his footing, he wrapped his arms around Lance's waist, trying to  steady the bouncing boy. 

“Hello to you too” Keith teased, rubbing Lance’s sides. Lance pulled back, a huge smile on his face. 

“I missed you so much,” He kissed Keith’s nose. “I missed you so so so much” both of Keith’s cheeks. “I can’t even fathom how much I missed you” his forehead and chin. 

“I missed you too” Keith smiled calmly, cupping Lance’s face and kissing his lips. “Now let's get out of here and let Hunk and Allura watch Camp Rock in peace.”

Lance quickly said goodbye to his friends, thanking them again for what they did for him. They each hugged him and told him that they would call him later. Keith said his goodbyes before grabbing Lance’s hand and leading him out of Allura’s house.    
  
Lance hummed contently at the feel of Keith’s fingers intertwined with his own. Keith makes everything feel better. 

Even the parts of Lance that he never thought could feel good. 


	12. Nyall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mess? A Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I'M SO SORRY!!!! I'll be doing weekly updates from now on! A lot of things were happening in my life and I had to focus on those, I honestly forgot about this fic, not gonna lie dude. buT YEAH HERE'S A NEW CHAPTER I'M SORRY IF IT SUCKS!!! I'M TIRED!!!

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Long:** good morn thots

 **Podge:** thotosaurus rex

 **Long:** that me

 **Keefers:** ok, no

 **Memethew:** why not?

 **Keefers:** cuz I said so

 **Shayaway:** buuut daaad

 **Plaxtic:** you just made a mistake

 **Lura:** d-daddy?!

 **Keefers:** no.

 **Memethew:** n-n nani!!

 **Keefers:** this house is a fucking nightmare

  


**_Hunkey - > Long_ **

 

 **Hunkey** : how you doing, bud?

 **Long:** better.

 **Hunkey:** gimme a number

 **Long:** uhhh 7.43

 **Hunkey:** delicious

 **Hunkey:** how'd your night go

 **Long:** Keith and I talked about something's, tears were shed, and cuddles

 **Long:** lots and lots of cuddles

 **Hunkey:** good

 **Long:** thank you btw

 **Hunkey:** how many times do I have to tell you? Don't thank me. I love you bro, I would do anything for you

 **Long** : for real bro?

 **Hunkey:** of course bro

 **Long:** I love you bro

 **Hunkey:** I love you too bro

 **Long:** bro, tell the world that we're bros

 **Hunkey:** *whispers in your ear* we're bros

 **Long:** what the flip flop bro? Whyd you only tell me?

 **Hunkey:** because you are my world, bro

 **Long:** *bro*

 **Hunkey:** krkrnrj gotta blast before Shay throws me out the window

 **Long:** tell her I love her

 **Hunkey:** no

 **Long:** biphobia

  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

  


**Keefers:** lance and hunk are gayer than Lance and Keith

 **Mermania** : ...youre Keith.

 **Keefers:** the one and only

 **Long:** He just did a fucking hair flip

 **Long:** I love this boy

 **Shayaway:** fr tho, they're so gay for each other

 **Lura:** their bromance is beyond perfection

 **Memethew:** just like our thotmance

 **Shirt:** mcsuce me

 **Lura:** Mathew and I are thots

 **Memethew:** she's my number one hoe

 **Shirt:** I thought i was your number one hoe

 **Memethew:** nah u my daddy

 **Mermania:** not again

 **Plaxtic:** pls no

 **Lura:** owo? Daddy?

 **Memethew:** Owo my princess parts

 **Plaxtic:** I hate this family

 **Keefers:** Shiro just yelled “blocked”

 **Shirt:** how many times do I have to tell you, Matt? Stop calling me daddy

 **Memethew:** that's not what you said yesterday

 **Hunkey:** BLOCKED REPORTED

 **Shayaway:** the police have been called.

 **Memethew:** this is so sad

 **Podge:** don't fucking do it

 **Memethew:** Alexa, play Hello Kitty by Avril Lavigne

 **Podge:**....thats not what I was expecting

 **Podge:** buT STILL

 **Lura:** speaking of furries

 **Hunkey:** oh no

 **Plaxtic:** oh no

 **Mermania:** oh no

 **Shayaway:** *bursts thru wall* OH YEAH

 **Shirt:** I thought you were a good one

 **Shayaway:** you thought wrong skankyskunk

 **Keefers:** ah, the koolaid man

 **Keefers:** the rarest cryptid

 **Podge:** indeed,,,,,

 **Keefers:** ….

 **Plaxtic:**......

 **Keefers:** shay?

 **Plaxtic:** when?

 **Podge:** are?

 **Keefers:** you?

 **Plaxtic:** free?

 **Hunkey:** touch her and I'll kill you

 **Podge:** that's a no to the experiments then

 **Hunkey:** Pidge ily, but she's the mother of my future children and the love of my life

 **Long:** you guys would have beautiful babies, OMG

 **Long:** how am I just thinking of this?

 **Mermania:** your babies would be beautiful? Wtf????

 **Shirt:** I'm thinking about it now, they would be so soft yet strong

 **Memethew:** THEIR EYES WOULD BE SO PRETTY

 **Memethew** :next to keith, hunk has the prettiest eyes.

 **Keefers:** have you seen lances eyes?

 **Hunkey:** have you seen lances eyes?

 **Keefers:**....drift?

 **Hunkey:** drift.

 **Keefers:** lance has the bluest and brightest eyes I have seen

 **Memethew:**...wait really?

 **Hunkey:** they're beautiful

 **Long:** dkkdtnmrkdkdkf

 **Memethew:** why haven't I noticed them?? What????

 **Long:** oh! That's because the animator's like to deprive me of my beauty!

 **Long:** nah, I just have small irises

**_Keeters sent 8 images_ **

**Podge:** Keith's eyes are still hotter

 **Podge:** buT damn

 **Shirt:** lance your eyes are so beautiful wtf

 **Keefers:** I have the pleasure of looking into them whenever I please

 **Long:** if Keith and i could have children, they would be the most beautiful human being

 **Lura:** I hate how true that is

 **Podge:** ok but

 **Podge:** if Allura and Shiro had a child

 **Memethew:** excuse me?

 **Podge:** Matthew, knowing our family the kid would have crazy fucking hair and with Shiro that crazy fucking hair would be w h i t e

 **Lura:** speaking of hair and Shiro

 **Shirt:** SHIT

 **Memethew:** y'all

 **Long:** nyall

 **Plaxtic:** and he says he's not a furry

 **Lura:** SPEAKING OF FURRIES

 **Lura:** Matthew tell them the news first

 **Memethew:** Shiro never backs down from a dare.

 **Memethew:** that's all I'm gonna say.

 **Keefers:** I Don't Want To Find A Fucking Komodo Dragon In My Bathroom Again

 **Lura:** b

 **Keefers:** No Flamingos Either

 **Keefers:** and matt I swear if I see any stickers of your face around my house

 **Keefeers:** I will shank u

 **Memethew:** hehehehe [sweats nervously]

 **Long:** emo boy deserves cuddles.

 **Long:** I will break emo boy and make him soft boye

 **Keefers:** I can already feel myself weakening

 **Lura:** ew

 **Lura:** ANYWAY! @ ALL U DICKS AND DRAG PLAYERS, BE AT MY HOUSE BY 5, THIS NEXT QUEST IS A REAL LONG ONE

 **Podge:** AAAAAAAA

 **Shirt:** I NEED TO POLISH MY ARMOR

 **Long:** I just need to touch up my tail and adjust my ears and I should be fine

 **Keefers:**....fuck, my boyfriend's a furry

 **Long:** HEy…..fuck I'm a furry

 **Mermania:** babe you owe me ten

 **Plaxtic:** unfuckingbelievable

 **Mermania:** a bets a bet

 **Plaxtic:** Ik ik

 **Mermania:** I love you, peach

 **Plaxtic:** s I g h

 **Plaxtic:** I love you, lemon

 **Podge:** being gay? In my Christian Minecraft sever?

 **Mermania:** blocked.

 **Hunkey:** awwwee

 **Hunkey:** shay I owe you 45 minutes of cuddling I'll be by later….

 **Hunkey:** BUT IN OTHER NEWS

 **Hunkey:** I NEED TO FIND MY BEARD

 **Shayaway:** I can't wait to start a family with u

 **Hunkey:** :]

 **Long** : I'm divorcing all of you and eloping with Keith.

 **Keefers:** can you hear the bells, mother fuckers? Cuz I sure can.

 **Long:** THE LOVE OF MY LIIIIFE  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you smell that? Hmmm, failure? Oh, that's just my natural body odor


	13. Mile High Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A whole bunch of fuckery 
> 
> A new character!!??!?!?!
> 
> Yeeyya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shark Boy - Lance   
> Luxious The Kween- Luxia  
> Dolphin Douche- Plax  
> Literal Mermaid- Flor  
> Blumpydumpy- blumfump  
> Swirning- Swirn 
> 
>  
> 
> YEET NYALL

**_Chapter 13_ **

  
  


**_romEllen - > Keefers_ **

 

**romEllen:** hello Keith!!

**Keefers** : ROMELLE!!!! HI!!!

**Keefers:** I haven't heard from you in so long!!

**romEllen:** I know! I missed you!!!

**Keefers:** I missed you to, babe!

**romEllen:** awwww, honey bunches

**Keefers:** so! How are you? 

**romEllen** : I'm gr10! Crayola and I  _ might  _ be coming down 

**Keefers:** MY REAL MOM AND MY ADOPTIVE SISTER?! COMING HOME!!! YEET

**romEllen:** YeEAH!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!!!

**Keefers:** AAAAAAtextshirohemissesyouAAAA

**romEllen:** AAAAAiwilldothatnowAAAAAA

**Keefers:** AAAAAAAA

  
  


**_romEllen - > Shirt_ **

 

**romEllen:** hey shiro!

**Shirt:** sup wench

**Shirt:** we haven't talked in forever, what's up with that?

**romEllen:** I'm sorry! Krolia and I have been so busy with the project!!!

**romEllen:** ive missed you so much!!!

**Shirt:** ive missed you too!

**romEllen:** so, how's life? How are my favorite twins and my fake brother?

**Shirt:** fuck u

**romEllen:** id rather not

**Shirt** : Hhhh bitch

**romEllen:** that me

**romEllen:** buT fill me in! What's up?

**Shirt:** oh boy

**Shirt:** Acxa has a gf

**romEllen:** DID HER AND EZOR FINALLY ADMIT THEIR FEELINGS TO EACH OTHER?!?

**Shirt:** Y E A H

**romEllen:** so proud of my little sis!!

**Shirt:** also Keith got a boyf

**romEllen:** …

**romEllen:** HE  WHAT

**Shirt:** hue 

  
  


**_romEllen - > Keefers _ **

 

**romEllen:** Keith,

**Keefers:** yes?

**romEllen:** when were you going to tell me that You Have A Boyfriend???

**Keefers:** ..... [runs]

**romEllen:** I Need To Know Everything 

**Keefers:** s I g H

**Keefers:** I'll introduce you guys when you get back 

**romEllen:** splendid!!

**Keefers:** I'm having second thoughts 

**romEllen:** pleeeease

**Keefers:** I can see your puppy eyes, I hate 

**romEllen:** No you don't 

**Keefers** : darn

**romEllen:** <:3

**romEllen:** anyway! Sadly I have to go, Krolia and I need to finish packing  _ *and* _ we have a 13 hour flight ahead of us

**Keefers:** stay safe! I'll see you soon!

**romEllen:** see you soon little bro!!!

  
  


**_Memethew - > Keefers_ **

 

**Memethew:** our boyfs are being dorks, wanna hang?

**Keefers:** which translates to: wanna get high

**Memethew:** awww you know me so well!!

**Keefers:** yeah I'm chill, I actually like hanging out with you

**Memethew:** !!!!!! 

**Memethew:** bro that's gay

**Keefers:** sorry bro

**Keefers:** we should invite shay

**Memethew:** BrO I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE HER HIGH 

**Keefers:** TEXT HER YA WENCH

**Memethew:** don't yell at me, I'm sensitive 

  
  


**_Memethew - > Shayaway_ **

 

**Memethew:** hey bro

**Memethew:** wanna hang and get high?

**Shayaway:** is it organic?

**Memethew:** yeah

**Shayaway:** be there in 15

**Memethew:** sweet.

  
  
  


**_Memethew - > Keefers _ **

 

**Memethew:** BRO SHE COMING

**Keefers:** I'M ON MY WAY.

  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Shayaway:** whatever Matt says isn't true.

**Keefers:** I second that 

**Shirt:** should I be concerned?

**Shayaway:** lol

**Memethew** : heh

**Keefers:** yeet

**Long:** Did Keith just say yeet

**Keefers:** I sure did, shark boy

**Plaxtic:** shark boy, captain of the swim team

**Keefers:** the love of my nine lives

**Mermania:** are you a cat

**Shayaway:** hehe keef Kat 

**Hunkey:** shay? Are you ok?

**Shayaway:** shhhhhh

**Shayaway:** I'm perfectly peachy

**Podge:** are u with Matt?

**Shayaway:** why would I be with Matt? I have a boyfriend 

**Hunkey:** I'm gonna cry 

**Lura:** nO crying before drag!!

**Shirt:** Pidge and I are almost ready to leave

**Long:** hunk and I are heading out now  

**Mermania:** nerds

**Podge:** :p

  
  
  


**_Memethew added Keefers and Shayaway to the group_ **

 

**Memethew:** we're the best

**_Shayaway named the group “The Mile High Club”_ **

**Keefers:** THAT'S MY BITCH!!!

**Shayaway:** excuse me? You're *my* bitch

**Keefers:** I just got a boner 

**Memethew:** KENEBRBRNNRNR

**Memethew:** shay can I call you Mommy?

**Shayaway:** depends

**Shayaway:** are you a bad little girl?

**Keefers:** OK NOPE NO MORE 

**Memethew:** DJBDNDNNDNF

**Shayaway:** Diddly Darn

**Shayaway:** I love my bitches 

**Memethew:** and we love you Mommy 

**Keefers:** shay I want you to choke me

**Shayaway:** bet.

  
  


**_h2Hoes_ **

 

**Shark Boy:** we need to get together soon, I'm rusty

**Shark Boy:** also bc someone called me shark boy and I remembered that I haven't swimmed in like a month 

**Dolphin Douche:** you're the captain of the team, you've been swimming since before you could walk, I'm p sure there is chlorine in your bloodstream

**Literal Mermaid:** dude I'm so down

**Luxious The Kween:** I miss you guys!!!

**Shark Boy:** fuck u, u left us

**Luxious The Kween:** I went to college, Lance 

**Shark Boy:** yeah!! All the way in fucking Canada

**Blumpydumpy** : why “fucking” Canada 

**Swirning:** last time I checked. You can't fuck a country 

**Shark Boy:** …..

**Shark Boy:** nvm I don't wanna see you guys 

**Dolphin Douche:** so Saturday at 3? 

**Blumpydumpy:** works for me

**Swirning:** sounds delicious!

**Literal Mermaid:** *delicious*

**Swirning:** you got a problem bitch?

**Literal Mermaid:** yeah and his name is Swirn

**Swirning:** :0

**Shark Boy:** now now ladies

**Swirning:** I'm a guy but whatever, go off I guess

**Shark Boy:** you're both pretty (but I'm prettier)

**Shark Boy:** so knock it off

**Literal Mermaid:** BITCH

**Swirning:** How Dare.

**Luxious The Kween:** Jrjrjrnfj this is so sad

**Luxious The Kween:** Alexa play Smashmouth 

**Blumpydumpy:** yeah I'll see you guys Saturday 

**Shark Boy:** littykittywittytitty 

**Dolphin Douche:** blockt 

**Literal Mermaid:** reported 

**Luxious The Kween:** cops have been called 

**Swirning:** I'm already digging your grave 

**Blumpydumpy:** Here lies Lance McClain, killed off by his own horrendous humor 

**Shark Boy:** I'm quitting the team.

**Ezzywezzy:** oh shit what did I miss?

**Luxious The Kween:** Lance getting roasted.

**Ezzywezzy:** ah, the usual

**Shark Boy:** Plax, you're the captain now 

**Dolphin Douche:** *puts on hat* I'm da captain now.

**Shark Boy:** nO 

  
  
  
  


**_Dicks And Drag_ **

 

**Corn:** where is everyone!! Allura and I are waiting!!!

**Podge:** Matt refused to bring me so Shiro picked me up, we're almost to u. Hunk and Lance are behind us.

**Podge:** p sure they're singing “baby” at the top of their lungs

**Long:** oh we are.

**Podge:** disgusting.

**Podge:** also! Y'all are in for a surprise when you see Shiro 

**Lura:** wh-

**Lura:** OH MY GOD!! I FORGOT ABOUT LAST NIGHT!!!

**Long:** what,,,what happened 

**Podge:** :3

**Lura:** you'll see

**Corn:** should I be concerned?

**Lura:** always.

**Corn:** oh dear 

**Podge** : WE'RE HERE

**Long:** WHIP OUT YOUR DICKS AND PUT ON YOUR DRAG, LET'S GO!!!

**Corn:** please put your dick away.

**Hunkey:** w

**Hunkey:** SHIRO IS THAT YOU

**Long:** my soul just left my body 

**Shirt:** sigh

  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Long:** SHIRO BLEACHED HIS HAIR WHITE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEETYSKEETYMEATYTEETY


	14. Rupert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some backgrounds 
> 
> SOFT!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really just a filler chapter, it's kinda short so please don't yell at me I'm fragile

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Memethew:** he's no longer my daddy

 **Memethew:** he's my grandpapí

 **Shirt:** I want a divorce

 **Memethew:** :P

 **Long:** hunk is crying

**_Long sent a video_ **

**Shayaway:** HuNK CRYING MAKES ME CRY

 **Keefers:** you made her cry

 **Keefers:** apologise.

 **Long:** shay I'm sorry

 **Long:** Keith I love you

 **Keefers:** and I love *you* random citizen

 **Plaxtic:** did-

 **Lura** : I do believe he did.

 **Podge:** Keith are you high?

 **Keefers:** no, I'm Keith

 **Shirt:** s I g h

 **Long:** low-key love high keith, he's adorable and gets clingy

 **Keefers:** that's because I love u

 **Hunkey:**...wait a tic

 **Hunkey:** shay where are you

 **Shayaway:** with Keithums

 **Keefers:** u blew our cover, slut

 **Shayaway:** listen here fuck face

 **Shayaway:** you're *my* bitch

 **Keefers:** sorry ma'am.

 **Memethew:** Shay choked Keith because he asked her to

 **Hunkey:** oh my g o D

 **Long:** ,,,,,Keith are u ok?

 **Keefers:** yeah I'm fine, it was hot

 **Memethew:** Shiro I'm breaking up with you and dating your brother and shay

 **Keefers:** lance I'm breaking up with you and dating Matt and shay

 **Shayaway:** hunk I'm not breaking up with you but I am cheating on you will Keith and Matt.

 **Shirt:** I'm starting to think that I didn't bleach my hair and it's just grey because of stress

 **Shirt:** I'm dyeing it before college

 **Shirt:** gonna be fully black again

 **Memethew:** I'm already horny

 **Shayaway:** get away from me

 **Mermania:** OK that's cool and all,,,

 **Mermania:** but *why* did Shiro dye his hair

 **Lura:** he never backs down from a dare

 **Memethew:** never.

 **Keefers:** they once had a prank war.

 **Memethew:** the Prank War of 2016

 **Keefers:** I don't wanna talk about it

 **Shirt:** Keith has a fear of flamingos

 **Lura:** I put flamingos in the bathroom while he was taking a shower.

 **Memethew:** he cried

 **Long:** omg baby no

 **Hunkey:** out of *all* the things

 **Hunkey:** flamingos are his weakness

 **Shirt:** we were talking about the flamingos yesterday

 **Podge:** didn't you also mention a komodo dragon

 **Lura:** lissen

 **Memethew:** we all thought Keith would hate the dragon.

 **Shirt:** he screamed

 **Lura:** but in a good way

 **Keefers:** I miss Rupert

 **Shayaway:** ,,,,it's name was Rupert

 **Shirt:** yes, that's what Keith named *her*

 **Keefers:** shhh

 **Plaxtic:** classic Keith, who remembers the cat named Lola

 **Plaxtic:** who was very much a dude.

 **Mermania:** he refused to rename it

 **Keefers:** Lola loved his name.

 **Long:** I'm naming our future pets.

 **Keefers:** sweet, I call dibs on the kids

 **Hunkey:** KDJDNJKWKDJ

 **Podge:** Keith Akira Kogane, an icon

 **Keefers:** the one and only.

 **Memethew:** the fucking dragon cuddled him

 **Lura:** the trainer was so shocked

 **Shirt** : Keith also has a thing with Snakes

 **Keefers:** I want one so I can knit it a sweater and be aesthetically pleasing

 **Long:** ,,,,you can knit?

 **Keefers:** what do you take me for?

 **Keefers:** course I can knit.

 **Long:** I can't wait to marry you

 **Shirt:** our Mema thought him how to, they would just sit, knit, and discuss cryptids

 **Podge:** Mema, we have u to blame.

 **Plaxtic:** she's a really nice lady. I love her

 **Keefers:** I love her more, bitch

 **Plaxtic:** well no duh, she's your grandmother

 **Keefers:** speaking of family

 **Keefers:** Sherio does Acxa know that Momma K and Big Sister are coming home.

 **Shirt:** yeah, Krolia called her.

 **Mermania:**...whomst?

 **Keefers:** my adoptive sister and mother

 **Hunkey:** w h a t

 **Long:** WHAT

 **Plaxtic:** exfuckingscuse me?

 **Memethew:** lol ok, and I'm a virgin

 **Lura:** how high is Keith?

 **Shayaway:** about 5’10

 **Hunkey:** oh my god

 **Podge:** Keith go to bed

 **Shirt:** he's telling the truth guys

 **Podge:** that's bogus

 **Shirt:** Keith's mom didn't really “leave” them she was a fugitive and had *so many* warrants out for her arrest. So she flew the country 

 **Shirt:** then Tex left the country, took baby Acxa and Keith with him.

 **Shirt:** Tex and Krolia lost all contact and he honestly thought she died.

 **Shirt:** 5 years ago a tall lady with purple hair and a mullet show up at our door, next to her is a 14 year old boy named Roman

 **Shirt:** I actually hate saying that

 **Podge:** ,,,why

 **Shirt:** because Roman turned into Romelle.

 **Keefers:** I fucking love her so much bro

 **Keefers:** my fav sibling

 **Keefers:** even tho Shiro is her fav

 **Lura:** wow, that's a first

 **Memethew:** I'll throw hands Allura

 **Lura:** Krjdhdn

 **Shirt:** sigh

 **Shirt** : anyway, Romelle is from The Uk, Krolia found her on the streets and took her in

 **Hunkey:** awww

 **Mermania:** wow, she sounds like a good person,,,apart from the multiple warrants

 **Keefers:** she is!

 **Keefers:** she has a gf and her and mom get along really well. They come down at least once a year. Krolia and Acxa are really close

 **Long:** wow

 **Long:** *wow*

 **Keefers:** lance baby

 **Keefers:** some little bitch told Romelle that we're madly in love with each other and now she wants to interrogate you

 **Shirt:** how many times do I have to tell u

 **Shirt:** it's pronounced Shiro.

 **Long:** should I be scared?

 **Keefers:** she is literally the sweetest person ever

 **Shirt:** nah, she'll love you.

 **Long:** oh thank god, I already got “the talk” from your dad, I don't need to go through that again

 **Memethew:** Tex still thinks that Shiro and I are just *really* good friends.

 **Shirt:** I can't wait for our wedding

 **Shayaway:** this is dandy info and all

 **Shayaway:** but shouldn't you nerds be doing nerd things

 **Lura:** coran forgot his cloak in the West wing

 **Podge:** and she says it's not a castle

 **Mermania:** it's a fucking castle.

 **Plaxtic:** it most def is

 **Hunkey:** shay, my prettiest flower, brightest star, please take a nap.

 **Shayaway:** but

 **Hunkey:** please

 **Shayaway:** but

 **Shayaway:** I want cuddles

 **Keefers:** Matt has a giant teddy bear

 **Memethew:** I HAVE A GIANT TEDDY BEAR

 **Podge:** shay go lay down in my room while the losers do loser things

 **Keefers:** we're gonna watch Shrek the musical

 **Long:** I wanna marry you right now.

 

**_Lura - > Manhands_ **

 

 **Lura:** I don't have long before I have to dash

 **Lura:** but I owe you a date.

 **Manhands:** that you do, princess

 **Lura:** Tomorrow, 7pm, I'll pick you up

 **Lura:** dress nice, like fancy

 **Manhands:** ,,,what are you planning Altea?

 **Lura:** the best date you will ever have

 **Manhands:** you make me so soft

 **Manhands:** idc what we're doing I wanna slow dance with you.

 **Lura:** gosh, you're gonna kill me.

 **Manhands:** you're gonna look so pretty

 **Lura:** bet, you'll look prettier

 **Manhands:** nuh uh, you'll be prettier

 **Lura:** whatever you say, love. But you're wrong, you're beautiful

 **Manhands:** if u don't listen you're gonna catch these hands

 **Lura** : I'll catch those hands

 **Lura:** and I'll hold em

 **Manhands:** but these hands wanna hold u not ur hands

 **Lura:** o h

 **Manhands:** :3

 **Lura:** alrighty then

 **Lura:** do it

 **Lura:** _I Dare You_

 **Manhands:** BET OK

 **Lura:** b e t

 

**_Long - > Keefers_ **

 

 **Long:** hey baby boy

 **Long:** I haven't cuddled you in a hot minute

 **Long:** sure we saw each other two days ago,,,, but I miss you

 **Long:** idc if I sound clingy. I love you and I wanna hold you

 **Long:** or have you hold me

 **Long:** I miss your hair and running my fingers thru it and I miss how cute you are in the morning. I miss the way you giggle when I kiss your nose.

 **Long:** I really wanna kiss you rn

 **Long:** I have it so bad, damn.

 **Long:** 9 months is coming up soon and AAaaA I love you

 **Keefers:** Matt just asked me why I'm crying, you little shit

 **Keefers:** I love you so fucking much.

 **Keefers:** tbh, I wanna hold * _you*_ I want my arms around your waist and your head in the crook of my neck.

 **Keefers:** I wanna kiss the freckles on your shoulders

 **Keefers:** shit I really wanna kiss you

 **Long:** dnd ends in 2 hours. Pick me up?

 **Keefers:** does this mean I have to stop smoking?

 **Long:** :/

 **Keefers:** im joking baby, of course I'll pick you up.

 **Keefers:** Matt and I are gonna go join Shay in Pidges room and probably take a nap.

 **Long:** mmm ok, please don't do anything stupid

 **Keefers:** I'm sorry, you're my impulse control

 **Long:** sigh

 **Long:** go lay down baby

 **Keefers:** mmmk

 **Keefers:** I love you, shark boy

 **Long:** I love you, starlight

 

**_Mermania - > Plaxtic_ **

 

 **Mermania:** where did you gooooo

 **Plaxtic:** bathroom

 **Mermania:** hurry up, I miss u

 **Plaxtic:** baby I'll be there in a minute

 **Mermania:** :(

 **Plaxtic:** you want cuddles?

 **Mermania:** I'm tired and I wanna sleep on your boobs

 **Plaxtic:** oh gosh

 **Plaxtic:** I love you so fucking much

 **Mermania:** our 4 year is coming up

 **Plaxtic:** I Know, get ready to have your socks blown off

 **Mermania:** I'm so ready, peachy

 **Plaxtic:** I'm gonna romance the shit outta you

 **Mermania:** I'm so excited!!! I'm gonna love the fuck outta you

 **Plaxtic:** I'm counting down the days

 **Plaxtic:** NOW

 **Plaxtic:** start getting cozy, I'm in the hall

 **Mermania:** yayayay

 **Plaxtic:** GET READY TO GET AMBUSHED WITH KISSES

 **Mermania:** AAAAAA

 

**_Memethew - > Shirt_ **

 

 **Memethew:** Takashi,

 **Shirt:** yes I'll cuddle you when i get out, now go take your nap

 **Memethew:** gonna be dreaming of you~

 **Memethew:** speaking of dreaming...tell Hunk that shay is sleep talking and she keeps saying that she loves him.

 **Memethew:** and tell Lance that Keith is mumbling shit about Lances freckles

 **Shirt:** kdmrnfnfj theyre crying now

 **Memethew:** oops

 **Shirt:** sigh

 **Shirt:** I love you, Matthew

 **Memethew:** I love you more Takashi

 **Shirt:** I love you most

 **Memethew:** never gonna get over this, even if it's over text

 **Shirt:** I sure hope you won't get over it

 **Memethew:** that's not what I meant, Shiro

 **Shirt:** I know

 **Shirt:** but,

 **Shirt:** you want me to scream on the roof about how much I love you? I'll fucking do it. Want me to shave your name into my hair? Just say the words baby

 **Memethew:** you're adorable

 **Shirt:** and you're outstandingly gorgeous

 **Shirt:** now before I boot scoot and boogie

 **Memethew:** screenshotted

 **Shirt:** sigh

 **Shirt:** Romelle wants to meet you too, she's forcing me and I can't say no to her

 **Memethew:** awww, I would love to meet her

 **Memethew:** she sounds so important to you, I hope she'll like me

 **Shirt:** she'll love you, I promise

 **Memethew:** ye

 **Shirt:** sigh

 **Shirt:** now lay down, we're about to start.

 **Memethew:** have fun with your nerd stuff

 **Shirt:** I Will

 **Shirt:** I love you baby boy

 **Memethew:** I love you my love

 

**_Acka - > Keefers_ **

 

 **Acka:** what r u doing rn

 **Keefers:** tryna take a nap

 **Acka:** were you the bitch that told Romelle that Ezor and I were together?

 **Keefers:** sister, I'm in the same boat, Romelle is insisting on meeting Lance.

 **Acka:** does she also wanna meet Matt?

 **Keefers:** idk probably

 **Acka:** she's gonna notice

 **Keefers:** notice what?

 **Acka:** that the whole Kogane family has a type

 **Keefers:**....ohmygod

 **Acka:** loud, flirtatious, tall, nerdy, memes, way to hyper for their own good.

 **Keefers:** OHMYGOD

 **Acka:** All of them like space and the ocean, plus we're all gay.

 **Keefers:** this is when dad finds out that Shiro and Matt are dating

 **Acka:** I can't wait.

 **Keefers:** I'm gonna ask Shay if she has a dress that would fit Shiro

 **Acka:** his tits will probably be too big

 **Keefers:** HA

 

**_We Love The Kogays_ **

 

 **Ezroar:** are y'all meeting this Romelle gal as well

 **Memethew:** yes

 **Long:** ye

 **Ezroar:** us three in the same place * _never*_ works out.

 **Memethew:** let's not forget why I was kicked off of the swim team

 **Long:** I thought we agreed to never talk about that again.

 **Memethew:** I saw so much

 **Ezroar:** I still have nightmares

 **Long:** are you guys nervous?

 **Ezroar:** yesss omg yes

 **Memethew:** very much so

 **Long:** Ezor and I will be meeting Acxas and Keith's _real mom_

 **Long:** Matt will be meeting Shiro’s fav sibling

 **Memethew:** don't remind me

 **Ezroar:** I'm sure we'll be fine….right?

 **Long:** yeah...totally?

 **Memethew:** we're gonna die

 **Ezroar:** yup

 **Long:** oh for sure.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexa, play the full Shrek the musical soundtrack 
> 
> Ezor, Matt, and Lance have a gc together where they make memes about the Kogays and also talk about random shit


	15. HAP BURTH LONG

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S LANCES BIRTHDAY NYALL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEFORE THIS CHAPTER STARTS A PSA AND SOME SPOILS!!!! I just wanna say, yes, I know about Shadam/Adashi. Yes I stan. Yes Shiro is canon gay. Fuck yeah. But, I feel like I have to say this? The Shatt in this fic is not stopping. This is a different universe, a universe in which Shiro is gay for Matt. I am working on another chat fic, and another High School Au. I already started them both. I'm planning to stop this fic at 20 or 25 chapters, so prepare your asses for that. This fic was kinda like trial and error? I know what I like and I know what y'all like, so the next fics I'm coming out with should be pretty rad. But ye, that's all. ENJOY LANCE DAY!!!!

**_Keefers - > Long_ **

 

 **Keefers:** SUP

 **Keefers:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED, GORGEOUS, FUNNY, CARING, PRETTY, SMART, AMAZING BOY EVER TO LIVE!!!

 **Keefers:** YOU WERE BORN TODAY, BLESS

 **Keefers:** MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY FOR MY FAVORITE BOY

 **Long:** Keeeeeeeeith

 **Long:** stooooop it

 **Keefers:** never

 **Keefers:** what are your plans for today?

 **Long:** hide from the family

 **Keefers:**...why?

 **Long:** 2 reasons

 **Long:** 1\. I don't want my ass slapped 18 times. Let's not forget the pinch to grow an inch

 **Long:** pls Hunk always teams up with my siblings and they shove cake in my face.

 **Keefers:** I wanna see all of this happen.

 **Long:** hunk has videos, he started recording them on my 9th.

 **Keefers:**....

 **Long:** _sigh_

 

**_Keefers - > Hunkey_ **

 

 **Keefers:** Hunkinton, I have a request

 **Hunkey:** what do you wish for, Keithburt?

 **Keefers:** I've heard you have some records

 **Hunkey:**...are you talking about the videos?

 **Keefers:** I Want Them All

 **Hunkey:** your wish is my command, my bro

**_Hunkey sent 21 files_ **

**Keefers:** bless

 **Keefers:** thank you, my lord

 **Hunkey:** you're welcome son

  


**_Hunkey - > Long _ **

 

 **Hunkey:** BRO!!!! THE EARTH WAS BLESSED ON THIS DAY. LANCE DAY!!! THE BEST DAY, THE MOST BLESSED DAY. CHRISTMAS? IDK HER, I ONLY KNOW JULY 28TH.

 **Long:** H U N K

 **Hunkey:** I made you the chocolate cake with whipped raspberry frosting

 **Long:** I can wait to have it smashed in my face

 **Hunkey:** hehhehehe

 **Long:** are you going to tell me what time you're coming?

 **Hunkey:** do I ever?

 **Long:** _sigh_

 **Long:** no

 **Hunkey** : that's what I thought

 **Hunkey:** I LOVE YOU BRO

 **Long:** LOVE YOU TOO BRO

  


**_Lura - > Long _ **

 

 **Lura:** Happy birthday my sweet Prince

 **Lura:** on this magical day, Lance Charles McClain was birthed. On this day, the world changed.

 **Lura:** an amazing boy was born. A boy that would change many people's lives. A boy who would touch so many people's hearts. A kind, caring, loving, and loveable boy.

 **Lura:** I Love You Lance

 **Lura:** can't wait to see hunk smash cake in your face

 **Long:** luuuura

 **Long:** I love you too, princess

 **Long:** Imma give You A Big Ole Cheek Kiss

 **Lura:** it wouldn't be tradition if you didn't

 **Long:** <:3

 **Lura:**?

 **Long:** _it wearing a birthday hat_

 **Lura:** never change

 **Long:** not planning on it

 **Lura:** <333

 **Long:** <333

  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Long:** GUYS!!!

 **Long:** IT'S THE EMOJI MOVIES BIRTHDAY!!!!

 **Podge:** its...also your birth day

 **Long:** WHO CARES ABOUT THAT?

 **Keefers:** I do

 **Long:** this is such a blessed day

 **Shirt:** that it is

 **Shirt:** lance day

 **Podge:** the day the most beautiful boy was born

 **Long:** woah woah, it's not Hunks bday

 **Podge:** no. It's yours. Hunk is the most perfect boy

 **Shirt:** get it right

 **Long:** psssh

 **Plaxtic:** SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR A BEAUTIFUL BOY

 **Mermania:** AAAAAAA BLESSED DAY

 **Mermania:** BEST DAY

 **Shayaway:** lance,

 **Long:** lance

 **Shayaway:** ….

 **Shayaway:** I Love You

 **Long:** _GASP_

 **Long:** everyone go home, Shay won

 **Keefers:** guess you're not getting my gift then

 **Long:** bicth

 **Mermania:** or mine

 **Plaxtic:** guess I'm getting my money back

 **Memethew:** idgaf, Lance is gonna love my gift

 **Shirt:** it's amazing

 **Shirt:** but not as amazing as mine

 **Hunkey:**....im sorry but I'm winning this year

 **Shayaway:** fUcK

 **Shayaway:** he is

 **Podge:** omg I forgot, he's gonna win

 **Lura:** HUNK ALWAYS WINS

 **Lura:** plus ya gotta remember

 **Lura:** hunk and I _both_ got this gift

 **Hunkey:** I was gonna point that out

 **Lura:** sure you were

 **Hunkey:** :/

 **Long:**....

 **Lura:** no

 **Hunkey:** oh no

 **Lura:** _Hunk No_

 **Hunkey:** HE'S GONNA USE THE PUPPY EYES LURA

 **Lura:** THAT'S WHEN YOU SHOVE CAKE IN HIS FACE

 **Hunkey:** _EEEEEEEEEEEE_

 **Long:** hunk always caves

 **Long:** I'm his weakness

 **Shayaway:** I hate how true that is

 **Shayaway:** he always breaks for Lance

 **Keefers:** and lance always breaks for hunk

 **Shayaway:** smh

 **Keefers:** smh

 

**_Memethew - > Long_ **

 

 **Memethew:** hap burth son

 **Long:** thanks father

 **Memethew:** guess what I got you

 **Long:** hmmmm

 **Long:** idk

 **Memethew:** y'know that flag you made a while ago, the one with your memey face on it?

 **Memethew:** it said “winner” on it?

 **Long:** matt,,,what did you do

 **Memethew:** I

 **Memethew:** I made you a lounge suit

 **Long:** YOU

 **Memethew:** a hoodie and matching sweats

 **Memethew:** with your meme face all over it

 **Long:** FOR REAL??

 **Memethew:** ye

 **Long:** I love you

 **Memethew:** you haven't even seen it

 **Long:** idc I Love it

 **Memethew:** Owo

 **Long:** uwu

 **Long:**...what did Shiro get me?

 **Memethew:** A shirt with baby Keith on it

 **Long:** _no way_

 **Memethew:** pigtails, missing front teeth, overalls, bandaid on his cheek.

 **Long:** _holy fuck_

 **Long:** I can't wait

 **Long:** thanks Matt

 **Memethew:** you deserve it bud

 **Long:** <:3

 **Memethew:** IT HAS A HAT

 **Long:** Y E A H

 

**_Hunkey - > Lura_ **

 

 **Hunkey:** he's gonna like them,,,right?

 **Lura:** we spent hundreds of dollars on these tickets

 **Lura:** he better

 **Lura:** and he will

 **Hunkey:** we're in the pit,,,,

 **Hunkey:** _at a Shawn Mendes concert_

 **Lura:** he's gonna cry

 **Lura:** I can't wait

 

**_Podge - > Memethew_ **

 

 **Podge:** do you think he'll like it

 **Memethew:** Y E s

 **Memethew:** you made him a robot shark

 **Memethew:** it's tiny and cute

 **Memethew:** he'll love it

 **Memethew:** I can already picture him going “monch monch cronch cronch”

 **Podge:** Jsnennene

 **Podge:** yeah he'll love it

 

**_Keefers - > Shirt_ **

 

 **Keefers:** I GOT HIM THAT GIANT SHARK PILLOW THAT YOU CAN GO INSIDE

 **Shirt:** Keith omg

 **Keefers:** AND

 **Keefers:** I GOT MATCHING HEART LOCKETS, I PUT A PICTURE OF ME IN ONE SIDE AND A PICTURE OF US TOGETHER IN THE OTHER IN HIS

 **Keefers:** MINES THE SAME THING BUT WITH HIS FACE

 **Shirt:** that's really cute

 **Keefers:** I ALSO GOT HIM A MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS AND SHAKIRA SHIRT.

 **Shirt:** he's gonna love them Keith

 **Shirt:** save the locket for last?

 **Keefers:** I'm gonna wait until we're alone

 **Keefers:** that way I can kiss his hot face

 **Shirt:** ew

 **Keefers:** hue

 

**_Klance????_ **

 

 **Shirt:** Keith's got a gift to give lance in private so if they sneak off, leave them be

 **Podge:** bummer

 **Lura:** pidge,

 **Podge:** B u m m e r

 **Memethew:** leaf them alone

 **Shayaway:** let them touch dicks in peace

 **Plaxtic:** ….do you think..

 **Shirt:** No.

 **Memethew:** oh most def

 **Lura:** nah

 **Hunkey:** nope

 **Hunkey:** lance and I made a pact when we were younger

 **Hunkey:** can't bone someone without telling the other

 **Shayaway:** WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FRIENDSHIP

 **Hunkey:** art

 **Hunkey:** anywho

 **Hunkey:** I'm gonna dash over to lances and start planning his death by cake

 **Lura:** I'll be over shortly!!

 **Hunkey:** yeet

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, would ya look at that
> 
> EDIT: this is my favorite chapter so far. I forgot I wrote the "monch monch cronch cronch" part and I had to put my phone down for a hot second. I'm hilarious


	16. tonhongerekoogers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just random group chat shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be uploaded two days ago but I forgot about it lol

**_Long - > Hunkey_ **

 

 **Long:** bro

 **Long:** can you come over today?

 **Hunkey:** yeah, I'm not doing anything

 **Long:** cool cuz the kids are at camp and mama and papa are visiting nana

 **Long:** ,,,,sooo

 **Hunkey:** are you saying what I think you're saying

 **Long:** I think I am

 **Hunkey:** I'll pack my fuzzy socks

 **Long:** I'll win this time

 **Hunkey:** lance you never win the sliding race

 **Long:** I've been practicing

 **Hunkey:** PFFFT

 **Hunkey:** yeah ok bud

 **Long:** r00d

 **Hunkey:** :P

 **Long:** just hurry up and get here I'm lonely

 **Hunkey:** why not ask Keith to hang?

 **Long:** because I miss bro time

 **Long:** also it's not really healthy to spend every day with your s/o.

 **Long:** gotta live different lives ya know?

 **Hunkey:** wow, since when are you wise?

 **Long:** since always, slut

 **Hunkey:** listen here ya wench

 **Long:** whatcha want, you hoe

 **Hunkey:** nothing from a skank like you

 **Long:** you wanna fight you cunt?

 **Hunkey:** bet, bend over you whore

 **Long:** SHIT, YOU WIN, I GIVE

 **Hunkey:** HAHAH

 **Hunkey:** anywhosem

 **Hunkey:** I'm stopping at the store to get us snacks, I'll be there in 15

 **Long:** Coolio my doolio

 **Hunkey:** (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

 **Long:** (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

  
  


**_Lura - > Manhands_ **

 

 **Lura:** Get your pretty butt outside before Beezer sees my car and interrogates me.

 **Manhands:** PFFF

 **Manhands:** I'll be right there, honey

 **Lura:** ,,,,honey?

 **Manhands:** yeah?

 **Lura:** ngl I just choked on my gum

 **Manhands:** mk, so “honey” breaks you

 **Manhands:** nice to know

 **Lura:** :O

 **Lura:** evil.

 **Manhands:** _hue_

 **Manhands:** I'm coming now, baby doll

 **Lura:** baby girl, you're killing me

 **Manhands:**...baby girl?

 **Lura:** H A

 **Lura:** wait holy shit you're hot

 **Manhands:** :3

  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**_Lura sent 8 images_ **

**Lura:** hi, my name in Allura and I'm gay

 **Long:**!!!!!!

 **Long:** hot

 **Keefers:** id smash

 **Plaxtic:** ,,,which one

 **Keefers:** both.

 **Lura:** ,,,keith,,,,marry me

 **Keefers:** _GAYSP_

 **Mermania:** was that a

 **Mermania:** _gay gasp?_

 **Keefers:** jes

 **Long:** say jes to the jress

 **Keefers:** discourse: who has the best tits in the squad

 **Mermania:** Keith just said squad

 **Mermania:** _who are you_

 **Keefers:** keef

 **Shirt:** keeeeef

 **Keefers:** that me

**Hunkey:** _what_

**Keefers:** ye

 **Keefers:** ANYWAY

 **Keefers:** WHO HAS THE BEST BADONKADONKS

 **Long:** Keith, baby

 **Keefers:** _who has the biggest dohoonkabhankoloos_

 **Plaxtic:** r u high?

 **Keefers:** _no I just want someone to answer me_

 **Podge:** shay obvi

 **Shayaway:** are we talking about my tits?

 **Keefers:** shay do you have a dress that could fit Shiro’s _tonhongerekoogers_

 **Shirt:** Keith wtf

 **Keefers:** shhhhhhh

 **Shayaway:** I mean, yeah, probably

 **Keefers:** sweet, I'm gonna need that

 **Shayaway:** 10 bucks

 **Keefers:** how about not?

 **Shayaway:** sounds like a deal

 **Keefers:** sweet, I need it by next Sunday

 **Shirt:** ,,,,why?

 **Keefers:** you'll see

 **Keefers:** anyway, I'm going to the old folks home, I promised Kenny I would play chess with him

 **Long:** I love you

 **Keefers:** I love you too

 **Podge:** Keith can I come along? I miss Beatrice

 **Keefers:** yeah sure

 **Podge:** sweet.

 **Memethew:** ,,,,I wake up to Keith talking about tits and hot girls

 **Memethew:** what universe is this one?

 **Shiro:** the one the gods abandoned

 **Hunkey:** makes sense

  


**_Mermania - > Plaxtic_ **

 

 **Mermania:** you didn't tell them, did you?

 **Plaxtic:** lol

 **Mermania:** plax,,,

 **Plaxtic:** I wanna see their faces when they see me at the front desk

 **Mermania:** you're so chaotic

 **Plaxtic:** you love it

 **Mermania:** fuck yeah I do

 **Plaxtic:** hue

 **Plaxtic:** Keith's gonna be upset that I get to work here and he doesn't

 **Plaxtic:** he'll probably deck me

 **Mermania:** have Pidge record it

 **Plaxtic:** lol ok bet

 

* * *

 

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Keefers:** plaxum is a little bitch

 **Podge:** big bitch

 **Keefers:** the biggest of the bitches

 **Plaxtic:** lol

 **Memethew:** ,,,,what?

 **Keefers:** this bitch works at the home and didn't tell me

 **Keefers:** I'm heartbroken

 **Podge:** he tried fighting her

 **Keefers:** she's lucky Eileen stopped me

 **Podge:** “stopped” meaning she walked up to him, linked their arms and started talking about whales

 **Keefers:** I thought you were my friend

 **Podge:** lol, why would you think that

 **Keefers:** _you're wearing the friendship bracelet_

 **Podge:** _I thought we agreed not to talk about them_

 **Keefers:** _I'm sorry, you were being mean_

 **Podge:** _fair enough_

 **Shayaway:** ….what the fuck

 **Shirt:** Keith gets like this when he visits the home

 **Shirt:** the old people strip him from his armor

 **Podge:** if you think that this is bad, you should see him when he's with the kids

 **Keefers:** I LOVE THOSE KIDS

 **Keefers:** I would kill for all of them

 **Shirt:** he tried to take Mach home once

 **Keefers:** he's my favorite

 **Keefers:** his mom just laughed it off tho, so we good

 **Long:** my heart is filled to the brim with love for you

 **Keefers:** kdkdiekwkddh _Lance_

 **Shirt:** he sometimes babysits them

 **Keefers:** I love kids, ok don't fight me

 **Long:** this is so soft I'm gonna cry

 **Keefers:** nooo don't cry

 **Podge:** and they love Keith

 **Podge:** every baby that has ever met Keith,,,loves him

 **Shirt:** it's honestly scary

 **Keefers:** :3

 **Keefers:** shit, Pidge and I need to go

 **Long:** have fun with your old people!

 **Keefers:** thanks babe! I will! I love you!

 **Long:** I love you too!!

 **Podge:** gross

  


**_Hunkey- > Long_ **

 

 **Hunkey:** do you want cookie dough or chocolate caramel coconut crunch?

 **Long:** I'm gonna munch

 **Long:** I'm gonna crunch

 **Hunkey:** knew it

 **Hunkey:** I'll be there in a hot minute

 **Long:** sounds groovy

 **Long:** y'know we're just gonna be watching vines and playing Halo

 **Hunkey:** I'm wearing my Halo3 boxers. I'm ready

 **Long:** sweet, we're taking off our pants

 **Hunkey:** would it be a Hunk and Lance Hang Out if we were wearing pants?

 **Long:** truuuuue

 **Long:** I'm also taking off my shirt

 **Hunkey:** you always do, then you get cold and I have to give you my sweater

 **Long:** it's tradition hunk!

 **Hunkey:** I'm not complaining, bro

 **Hunkey:** I love our bro dates

 **Long:**!!! Me too bro!

 **Hunkey:** no Mario kart tho

 **Long:** bicth

  


**_Cryptdicks_**

 

 **Keefers:** plaxum we have a question

 **Podge:** we do?

 **Keefers:** yes, now shut up

 **Keefers:** _ahem_ , please excuse my friend, she doesn't know where she is

 **Podge:** _bitch_

 **Plaxtic:** lol, what's up?

 **Keefers:** 1\. You're a bitch.

  1. When do you get out because we wanna go into the woods and summon some shit



**Podge:** hail the dark lord Satan

 **Podge:** ooga booga

 **Plaxtic:** I get out at 6

 **Podge:** we're leaving at 4 to get our equipment, we'll come back for you

 **Plaxtic:** you better

 **Keefers:** ,,,,do I bring the board

 **Podge:**....Don't tell Shiro?

 **Plaxtic:** don't tell shiro.

 **Keefers:** _don't tell shiro._

  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Lura:** wtf did I come back to?

 **Keefers:** bonkhanagahoogs

 **Shayaway:** _sigh_

 **Shayaway:** Keith why do you want Shiro in a dress?

 **Keefers:** because

 **Memethew:** _it's 10 year old Keith all over again_

 **Shirt:** keith, I am not wearing a dress.

 **Keefers:** oh yes you are

 **Shirt:** you can't make me

 **Keefers:** _you wanna bet?_

 **Shayaway:** Shiro I will forcefully put you in the dress

 **Lura:** as will I

 **Shirt:** ,,,,well shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T I T S


	17. Lozers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group hangs out
> 
> ,,,,unexpected visitor's??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 7? I'm dead? I was OK with it. It wasn't the best but aaaaaaaa. Also, Matt got hot, has an alien gf. ADAM IS FUCKING DEAD. Hunay is canon king. Also? Wtf is up with Acxa and Keef? Hello? And OMG HUNK WAS AMAZING THIS SEASON. some prime heith content, that hug? I cried. I also hate james. Like a lot. Lol my whole fic is wrong. Ezor and Zethrid? The F U C K. ALSO, BOB? FUCK YOU, LANCE IS VERY SMART YOU BITCH. Okok I'm just screaming. My next fic *is* gonna be more canon rep. SAAAAAAA THAT'S ALL ENJOY THE CHAPTER, OR DONT, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Lura:** so,,,,what's the plan for today

 **Keefers:** everyone show up at my house, shay bring a dress.

 **Shayaway:** bet

 **Shirt:** I'm locking myself in my room

 **Hunkey:** lance is bringing his makeup

 **Shirt:** ok, no

 **Memethew:** if Shiro doesn't wanna get glammed up, then sign me the fuck up

 **Memethew:** make me beautiful, the fuck

 **Shiro:** you're already beautiful, Matthew

 **Memethew:** whatever you say darling

 **Long:** ,,,,Matt can I play with your hair

 **Memethew:** Y E S

 **Long:** YEET

 **Keefers:** :(

 **Long:** and by play i mean straighten

 **Memethew:** I'm down for anything

 **Lura:** lance,,,

 **Long:** YEYE

 **Lura:** I WANNA CURL HIS HAIR

 **Long:** LET'S SEE HOW IT LOOKS STRAIGHTENED FIRST

 **Lura:** BET OK

 **Mermania:** hunk are you making food

 **Hunkey:** of course

 **Mermania:** I'll be in the living room watching the SyFy channel while you guys are being dorks

 **Shirt:** can I join you?

 **Keefers:** no

 **Shirt:** sigh

 **Podge:** ...hey lance?

 **Long:** lance?

 **Podge:** ,,,,can I also get glammed?

 **Long:** GASP

 **Hunkey:** he did just gasp

 **Long:** I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY

 **Long:** JEFFREE PREPARED ME FOR THIS MOMENT

 **Lura:** I'll get the stuff

 **Podge:** ,,,,what stuff?

 **Plaxtic:** ive learned not to ask questions

 **Podge:** smh, you and Flor are the best lurkers

 **Plaxtic:** I want a trophy

 **Mermania:** I want a monument

  


**_Long - > Keefers_ **

 

 **Long:** I mean,,,,if you want

 **Keefers:** idk yet, but I don't want you to straighten my hair

 **Long:** oh worm?

 **Keefers:** I look like Joe Jonas from Camp Rock

 **Long:** PFFF

 **Keefers:** _it's true_

 **Long:** okok, but I do kinda wanna at least have you wear lipstick

 **Long:** preferably a dark red

 **Keefers:** oh?

 **Long:**...yeah

 **Keefers:** _oh_

 **Long:** _yeah_

 **Keefers:** well shit then

 **Keefers:** put as much lipstick as you want on me

 **Long:** you're gonna be the death of me

 **Keefers:** you love it

 **Long:** fuck yeah I do

 **Keefers:** when are you getting here?

 **Long:** hunk is packing the food rn, we should be outta here in 5

 **Keefers:** mmmmgood

 **Keefers:** I wanna kiss your cute face

 **Long:** dkjsjdhdhdir

 **Long:** you can't just say things like _that_ , Keith

 **Keefers:** i just did, bitch

 **Long:** _sigh_

 **Long:** I love you

 **Keefers:** I love you too

  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

  


**Podge:** meme and I are already here, where are you lozers

 **Plaxtic:** lozers

 **Podge:** yes, because the z makes it cool

 **Plaxtic:** can't argue with that

 **Plaxtic:** Flor and I are already here as well

 **Long:** hunk won't drive faster, I wanna see my baby

 **Lura:** ive already cleared a section on the table for the makeup, shay is trying her best to get Shiro out of the bathroom. Acxa is filming

 **Lura:** Keith is waiting by the door looking like a puppy waiting for its owners to come home

 **Podge:** whihipped

 **Long:** leave! Him! Alone!

 **Long:** I love my baby boy

 **Long:** I also love hunk but IF HE DOESN'T DRIVE FASTER I'M GONNA SLAP HIM CUZ HE'S NOW PURPOSELY GOING SLOW! WE'RE ON THE FUCKING STREET

 **Shayaway:** lay a finger on him and I'll snap your neck

 **Keefers:** even think about hurting lance and I'll give you a Columbian necktie

 **Hunkey:** I stg, Keith

 **Hunkey:** please don't cut my gfs neck open

 **Keefers:** hmph

 **Keefers:** waIT HUNK YOU'RE TEXTING

 **Long:** :3

 **Keefers:** YEET

 

* * *

 

 

Keith threw open the front door, ignoring the laughter of his friends inside, and ran towards Lance, jumping at his boyfriend. Lance caught him with ease, bracing himself against Hunks van, his hands holding Keith's thighs. Keith giggled and wrapped his arms around Lances shoulders, nuzzling his nose against Lances jaw. Lance chuckled and kissed Keith's head.

“heya Keithy” he said, laughter lacing his voice. Keith grunted in response, nuzzling deeper into Lance.

“are you gonna say “hi”? Or are you just gonna use me as your personal heater?”

Lance stood straighter before leaning comfortably against the van.

Keith sighed and reluctantly lifted his head, his hair going in several  different directions as he stared at Lance. He had a slight pout, but Lance could see the beginnings of a smile curling his lips.

It looked like Keith was finally going to speak and Lance smiled, anticipating what would come out of his boyfriend's mouth.

Instead of speaking, Keith smiled, and leaned in meeting Lances lips. Lance laughed into Keith's mouth, moving one of his hands into Keiths hair, messing it up even more.

Keith pulled back with closed eyes and a wide smile, resting his forehead against Lances.

“hello, sharpshooter” he spoke fondly, his hands moving up Lances neck to tangle into his brown locks.

“hey, samurai” Lance giggled going in for another kiss-

“hey homos! Let's go! Shay finally got Shiro outta the bathtub!” Pidge shouted, hanging from the doorway, a shit-eating grin painted on her face.

“yeesh! Ok, we're coming!” Lance shouted back, flipping Pidge off in the process.

“you can put me down now, Lance” Keith said as Lance began walking towards the house.

“But consider this… I don't wanna.” Lance tightened his grip on Keith and hiked him higher up.

“Laaaaaance,” Keith whined, squirming in Lances arms.

“I'm gonna baby my baby boy as long I can”

“this is unfaaaaaair,” Keith slumped, resting his cheek against Lances shoulder.

Lance laughed and kissed Keith's temple, they could hear their friends laughter from outside. Could hear Shiros squeals of protest….Keith could hear a car pull into the driveway. He lifted his head to see a black Cadillac slowly pull in. He pushed himself out of Lances arms and stared questionably at the car. Lance pouted but settled for an arm around Keith's waist.

Then, the front doors opened. From the front seat stepped out a women, tall, purple hair styled in a low ponytail, and a pair of black sunglasses resting on the bridge of her nose. From the passenger side stepped out a younger girl, her blonde hair pulled into braided pigtails, she smiled brightly as she spotted Keith on the lawn.

Keith froze.

“Holy shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept forgetting to write this. I started it like 3 days ago and only just finished it.
> 
> Edit: I FUCKING FORGOT TO INSERT THE LINE SO IT JUST SAID *insert line here" LOL WTF I'M SUCH A MESS


	18. Yes, we talk about Shiros tits again.  I'm not sorry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Mess. That's it, that's all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is early because I knew I would forget about this, y'all should thank me. 
> 
> Also if you see any out of place words or any misspelled junk, listen my phone is whack. Writing writing is haaaaard on such a tiny screen, my poor thumbs are in pain.

"Lance, please go inside.” Keith spoke, trying his best to seem calm as the two women walked towards them with teasing grins.

“but ba-”

“please,” Keith turned to Lance, cutting him off and shoving him slightly, “just go in and tell Shiro that I need him, and that it's urgent, ok?” his voice was soft when he spoke to Lance, his eyes pleading. Lance pouted but went inside nonetheless.

Keith sighed as he watched Lance walk away, tensing when he felt a pair of arms hug him. Keith yelped, trying his best to stay upright and not tumble backwards onto the grass. The pair of arms squeezed him and squealed.

“Keith! I missed you so so so much!” she screamed, letting go of Keith and giving him a thoughtful look.

“I see you still have that awful hair,” her face morphed into false disgust, her eyes still bright and bubbly.

“Hey! I-”

“Leave him alone, it's suits him” the older lady remarked, her arms crossed and a smirk on her lips.

“Thanks,” Keith mumbled, self consciously running his fingers through his hair. The older lady chuckled and threw an arm over Keith's shoulder, bringing him close and giving him a hug.

“It's nice to see you again, darling” The lady said, kissing the top of Keith's head.

“It's nice to see you too, mom,” Keith smiled, leaning into his mother's embrace.

“wow, ok. What am I? A roach?” The pigtail girl teased,

“Last time I checked, yeah, yeah you are.” Shiro said from the doorway, some of his hair tied up, lipstick smeared on his chin, and, most importantly, he was wearing a blue dress.

“AH HA!” Keith shouted, throwing his hands up in victory, almost hitting his mom in the face. “THEY GOT YOU INTO IT! HAAAA!” Keith laughed, taking in the view of his older brother,

“yeah, yeah, Allura threatened to beat me if I didn't” Shiro smiled, walking over to the small group.

“you look ravishing, sweety” the girl spoke, smiling widely at Shiro.

“ah, Romelle…” Shiro looked like He was thinking of what to say next, but instead he rushed towards her, lifting her up and spinning her. She squealed, giggling and trying to wiggle out of Shiro's arms. Shiro laughed, kissing her cheek before setting her gently on the ground.

“Look at you! You're so beautiful!” Shiro exclaimed, expecting Romelle, she giggled and smiled at her “brother” 

“And you!” Shiro's attention now on the older women, “damn Krolia, you didn't age a bit!” He grinned when she rolled her eyes.

“Shiro, always the charmer.” she smirked, “now, where's my daughter?” Krolia took off her sunglasses, raising an eyebrow at the two boys.

“Oh she's….inside.” Shiro spoke hesitantly, his smile faltering.

“well then, let's go inside!” Krolia began walking toward the house and the Broganes started panicking. 

“no-”

“um that's not the best id-”

“Takashiiiii, what's taking you so lon-” Matt froze in the doorway, staring at the group in front of him with confused eyes. “uh...whats going on here?” 

Shiro opened his mouth to answer, but-

“what's going on where? Is Keith alright? I swear to god if someone hurt him ill-” Lance also froze, his eyebrows raised, his face twisted in confusion. Romelle giggled at his concern.

“Lance-” Keith started,

“Did the party get moved outside, what's going on?” Pidge popped her head through Matt's arm, hanging onto her brothers waist. “ _ holy shit, it's like shes Keith but Better”  _ Pidge whispered, staring at Krolia in awe.

 

Matt slapped her head.

 

“Hehe, well, we didn't want you guys to meet like this...hehe,” Shiro nervously rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes not meetings Matt’s.

“Oh ho ho?” Romelle wiggled her eyebrows at Shiro, looking him dead in the eyes as she walked towards the small group at the door. 

“Romelle, I swear to god-”

“Shiro you never let me have any fun!” she pouted, crossing her arms and huffing.

Realization washed over Matt and Lance,,,Pidge too, but she just started laughing.

“ _ Oh my god, that's Keith's mom” _ Lance whispered to Matt while Shiro and Romelle bickered.

Matt nodded.

“ _ Matt I wasn't ready for this...IM NOT READY FOR THIS!” _

_ “Dude, calm your tits.” _

_ “what tits!” _

_ Suddenly Pidge got an idea, wasn't a good one, but whatever. _

“Hey Shiro!” Pidge yelled, that shit eating grin back on her face. “Matt said you have nice tits!” Pidge booked it before Matt could register what she just said,,,when he  _ did _ , his face paled. 

“KATIE” He shouted, running back into the house to chase after his sister.

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Podge:** Y'ALL KEITH'S MOM IS HERE AND SO IS THAT ROMELLE CHICK

**Hunkey:** whaaaaaaat

**Shayaway:** OH WORM?

**Memethew:** kill me bls

**Mermania:** oh sugars

**Plaxtic:** Pidge, what did you do

**Podge:** _ hue _

**Memethew:** SHE SAID THAT I SAID SOMETHING ABOUT SHIROS TITS

**Mermania:** oh we know, we all heard it

**Mermania:** just wanted you to say it

**Memethew:** where are you thot, I'll fight you

**Mermania:** square up binch

**Shayaway:** Ladies please.

**Long:** y'all I'm scared 

**Long:** Romelle is frightening 

**Long:** I'm

**Long:** can I run

**Lura:** do you want me to come save you?

**Long:** p l e a s e

**Lura:** bet.

 

The small group on the lawn began walking towards the door, Lance was frozen in his spot, his eyes nervously staring at Keith. Keith mouthed a quick sorry.

“Ah! Lance! There you are!” Allura rushed out of the house, her arm looping around Lance’s. “I need your assistance inside! Shay and I are getting ready to wrangle Matthew's horrendous hair,” an offended squawk sounded from inside the house,

“IT'S NOT THAT BAD!” Matt shouted in protest.

“you look like a lion!” Hunk teased back,

“LIONS ARE COOL!”

“Yeah, but you're not!” Plax responded with a laugh.

“I'm surrounded by idiots.” Pidge groaned.

“yeah, and you're the biggest one.” Florona remarked.

“EXCUSE ME!”

Shiro sighed.

“I leave them alone for 3 minutes. Just 3. And this happens.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose, another sigh escaping him.

“You're one to talk, you look like Britney Spears when she had a breakdown.” Allura smirked while Lance cackled next to her.

Shiro gasped loudly, his hand to his chest,

“SHE'S AN ICON, ALLURA!” 

Just then an excited shout was heard and Lance and Allura were shoved out of the way. Acxa came running out, jumping into Krolias arms and going Koala Mode. Her mother laughed and spinned her daughter around, they both smiled, happy to see each other again.

“thank god you're here mom, these idiots are driving me crazy!” Acxa smiled smugly, saying it loud enough for everyone to hear.

 

What followed was an orchestra of offended “HEY”s. 

Acxa and Krolia laughed at them all, soon moving to other topics.

Romelle beamed, pulling on Shiro's hair, asking too many questions at once. Shiro looked like he wanted death. And Keith could hear a crash from inside the house.  He sighed, 

_ “this is gonna be a long day,” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt's also a furry and his furrsona is a lion so thats why his hair looks like that, I only spit the truth my good dudes.


	19. mcdicks, but part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow, another new character. 
> 
> Some squad adventures. 
> 
> The good kush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHAT, LONGER(ish) CHAPTER BECAUSE THIS IS ENDING AT 22 OR 25, HAVEN'T DECIDED YET, BUT PREPARE YOUR ASSES.

**_The Rad Sad_ **

**Podge:** so,,,,,

**Podge:**  that was..... inch resting 

**Memethew:** I crave death

**Long:** i

**Long:** mom, I wanna go home

**Lura:** I know, son

**Hunkey:** _ my pie _

**Plaxtic** : Hunk, I said I was sorry

**Hunkey:** I can't hear you, too busy crying over my chocolate raspberry pie

**shayaway:** ALL THIS FIGHTING IS TEARING THIS FAMILY APART 

**Long:** mooooms

**Lura:** yes my son

**shayaway:** whats up baby boy?

**Podge:** since when is shay ur mom too?

**shayaway:** since now, bitch

**Long:** I love my moms

**Hunkey:** mom, I wanna go home too

**Lura:** soon my sons, right after I beat Shiro's whole ass. 

**Memethew:** can I watch?

**Memethew:** wait no, I love him. Don't hurt him

**Memethew:** ALLURA WHY DID HE JUST SCREAM

**Keefers:** she

**Keefers:** she has a spatula and is chasing him with it

**Keefers:** he's only in his undies

**Long:** babe, did you just say "undies"

**Keefers:** lissen

**Podge:** Liestn

**shayaway:** Leesn

**Lura:** this is what he gets for being a doo-doo head

**shayaway:** what reality is this?

**Hunkey:** the one the gods abanded 

**shayaway:** makes sense. Allura is saying shit like "doo-doo head". Lance is cuddling Red in the corner while eating Oreo ice cream. Florona is actually sleeping....but on the coffee table. Shiro was in quick drag. Keith is being soft without a struggle.  _ And Hunk is being negative _

**Hunkey:** maybe if you came over here I wouldn't be so gloomy

**shayaway:** o

**shayaway:** oh

**Hunkey:** please

**shayaway:** bet

**Podge:** nasty

**Shirt:** IM HIDING IN A CLOSET

**Lura:** THIS PUSSY IS HIDING IN A CLOSET

**Lura:** Romelle is trying to get him out with me

**Lura:** I like this one

**Podge:** is it because she's British too?

**Lura:** leaf me alone. 

**Shirt:** if I come out of the closet

**Podge:** heh, that's pretty g-

**Shirt:** PIDGE, SHUT

**Podge:** SHUT WHAT SHIRO?

**Keefers:** the goddamn door 

**Long:** oh no 

**Long:** emo Keith, somethings wrong

**Keefers:** can we get out of the house for a little bit?

**Keefers:** go to McDonald's. Get some fries and mcflurries 

**Podge:** I'm so platonically in love with you

**Memethew:** one of the last mcdick runs

**Lura:** Matthew, bls

**Memethew:** I don't wanna adult, Lura

**Shirt:** SHUT UP, LETS NOT, WE LEAVE IN TWO WEEKS, LEAVE ME ALONE

**Keefers:** oh shit, that's right

**Podge:** I'm sad now

**Mermania:** did someone say McDonald's 

**Hunkey:** she has awoken!

**Mermania:** Keith, Shiro, there are now drool stains on your coffee table

**Lura:** ok, damn we'll go to McDicks and cry into our fries

**Long:** I want a Big Mac

**Lura:** _sigh_

**Keefers:** can we please go, I just wanna get out for a bit

**Memethew:** yeah, we can go once you answer why you wanted Shiro in a dress

**Keefers:** payback

**Long:** wh- ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Long:** I'm gonna go home and put that shirt on

**Keefers:** nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Keefers:** anyway, Matt your bday present is a shirt with Shiro looking like a hot mess on it

**Shirt:** oh fuck off

**Keefers:** no

**Keefers:** you can't leave the Keith

**Long:** I don't wanna leave the Keith

**shayaway:** and I don't wanna leave The Hunk, he's warm

**Hunkey:** I'm so in love

**Podge:** gross. 

**Lura:** anyway, the house  _ is _ getting hectic. Everyone, get into my van, let's go

**Keefers:** yeet

 

**_Long - > Keefers_ **

 

**Long:** why do you wanna leave?

**Keefers:** too much going on at once. 

**Keefers:** I wanted you to feel comfortable when you met them. I wanted to be prepared and not have everyone fighting and screaming and running around the house

**Keefers:** I just wanna get away for a bit. Today was supposed to be a day for me and my friends. I wanna keep it that way

**Long:** Baby,

**Keefers:** I just know that you were feeling awkward and uncomfy and I hated that because I couldn't do anything to help you

**Long:** Baby, I'm fine

**Long:** calm down, ok

**Keefers:** ok, yeah

**Long:** I know you worry, but everything is fine

**Long:** yes, I was a little overwhelmed, but I'm fine

**Keefers:** hhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggg

**Keefers:** okokok

**Long:** mhm, now get in the van, I saved the back seat for us

**Keefers:** ooooooooooooooooooo

**Keefers:** pumped

**Long:** should be

  
  


**_romEllen - > Keefers_ **

 

**romEllen:** where'd you disappear to?

**Keefers:** somewhere

**romEllen:** is everyone else with you?

**Keefers:** jes

**romEllen:** oh

**Keefers:** I'll be home in an hour or two

**Keefers:** Shiro might stay the night at Matt's

**Keefers:** Pidge and Lance might stay the night at our place

**romEllen:** groovy

**Keefers:** totally tubular 

**Keefers:** can you please tell Mom?

**romEllen:** ye

**Keefers:** sweet, thanks

**romEllen:** np

  
  


**_Lura - > Manhands_ **

 

**Lura:** hello darling dearest 

**Manhands:**  hey babe

**Lura:** we’re all heading to McDonald’s then to the park

**Lura:** would you like to join us?

**Manhands:** yes!! I miss you guys!

**Manhands:** but

**Lura:** oh no

**Manhands:** can Beezer come?

**Lura:** oh yes!!!

**Manhands:** cool! I wanna eat fries while also kissing my girlfriend 

**Lura:** utirjeknfkj fuck off

**Manhands:** >;3

  
  


**_Manhands - > Beeez_ **

 

**Manhands:** get dressed and downstairs 

**Beeez:** excuse me?

**Manhands:** we’re going to McDonalds, Pidge will be there, lets gooooo

**Beeez:** Bird?

**Manhands:** yes, your bird

**Beeez:** you make a compelling argument 

**Beeez:** I will join you on your venture

**Beeez:** but first, my hand is stuck in a jar

**Manhands:** oh my god

**Beeez:** help. 

  
  


**_Manhands - > Lura_ **

 

**Manhands:** Beezer got their hand stuck in a jar

**Lura:** GYUHJIKJLGTHF

**Lura:** are they gucci?

**Manhands:** yes, we’re buttering it up rn

**Lura:** pssssh

**Manhands:** should be there in 15

**Lura:** yaaaaay

**Lura:** Pidge is also very pumped

**Lura:** hasn’t seen Bee all summer

**Manhands:** both too busy with their nerd junk

**Lura:** smh, chilren

**Manhands:** chilren are the worst

**Lura:** no, preteens are the worst, 

**Lura:** 11-13, sucks ass. They think they’re so cool and that everything revolves around them

**Lura:** pidge was a fiesty 11 year old. 

**Manhands:** I can only imagine 

**Lura:** i still get nightmares. 

**Manhands:** oof

**Manhands:** Beezer was really moody. Snapped at everyone and cried over spaghetti 

**Lura:** ok but that’s a mood. 

**Manhands:** truly

**Lura:** honestly. 

**Manhands:** OK YEET WE GOT THE JAR OFF, WE HEADING OUT

**Lura:** YEEEEEET

**Lura:** ok, gotta yeet myself, Flor is getting moody

**Manhands:** gfuhdij

**Manhands:** see you in a hot minute

**Lura:** :33333

  
  


**_Beeez - > Podge_ **

 

**Beeez:** Bird

**Podge:** robot. 

**Beeez:** I’m going to see you soon

**Podge:** I’m aware. 

**Podge:** I’m thinking of a competition 

**Beeez:** please enlighten me

**Podge:** who ever can shove the most nuggs in their mouth wins

**Beeez:** bet. 

**Beeez:** ok but seriously, I missed you so much

**Podge:** oh

**Podge:** I missed you too, Bee

**Beeez:** I can’t wait to see you

**Podge:** same

  
  


**_Podge - > Keefers_ **

 

**Podge:** I Have A Problem

**Keefers:** I’m sitting right across from you

**Podge:** I HAVE A PROBLEM, KEITH

**Keefers:** SHIT OK DAMN, NO NEED TO THROW FRIES AT ME

**Podge:** WELL THEN LISTEN TO ME

**Keefers:** OK OK

**Podge:** ok ok

**Podge:** so

**Podge:** ithinkilikeBeezerandithinki’velikedthemsincefreshmanyearandnowthefeelingsareresurfacingandi’mscarehelpme. 

**Keefers:** omg

**Keefers:** _omg_

**Keefers:** OMG

**Podge:** STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU’RE RAISING SUSPICION 

**Keefers:** I’M SORRY BUT

**Podge:** STOP GAPING AT ME, SHIRO’S LOOKING AT US WEIRDLY

**Keefers:** FUCK

**Keefers:** ok ok

**Keefers:** so, 

**Podge:** nope, we’re not doing this

**Podge:** forget I said anything, stop looking at me, don’t hug me I’m scared. 

**Keefers:** ,’:)

**Podge:** YOU AND LANCE NEED TO STOP SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER

**Keefers:** no, fuck off

**Keefers:** I love my lance

**Podge:** gag

**Keefers:** ok but, are you gonna make a move

**Podge:** who do you take me for?

**Podge:** of course I’m not

**Keefers:** _Katie_

**Podge:** OWO

**Keefers:** omg, you did not

**Podge:** I’m sorry I’m getting weird. 

**Keefers:** yes you are

**Podge:** o h

**Podge:** OH SHIT THEY’RE HERE

**Keefers:** STAY CALM

**Podge:** FUCK YOU

**Keefers:** NO

  
  


**_Klance???_ **

 

**Shirt:** ...do you think-?

**Memethew:** shut up, no

**Memethew:** please, no

**Shayaway:** omg yes

**Memethew:** refuse to believe anything you guys are thinking

**Hunkey:** IF YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE THINKING, YOU’RE THINKING IT TOO

**Memethew:** SHUT THE FUCK UP HUNKETH

**Lura:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Lura:** I DONT WANNA GROW UP

**Shirt:** IF PIDGE LIKES SOMEONE

**Lura:** THAT MEANS WE’RE OLD. 

**Shirt:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Memethew:** lissen, she doesn't like them

**Memethew:** ,,,,,right?

**Plaxtic:** well,,,,

**Plaxtic:** she most def does

**Mermania:** yes

**Memethew:** N O

**Plaxtic:** it’s obvious. 

**Plaxic:** Beezer def likes her too

**Hunkey:** oh yeah, most def

**Shayaway:** totally. 

**Lura:** shiro stop crying

**Shirt:** N O

**Memethew:** STOP CRYING YOU’RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY

  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Podge:** Matt, Shiro, why are you crying?

**Keefers:** good question

**Long:** what’s up you funky little gays. 

**Shirt:** I DONT WANNA GROW UP

**Shirt:** PIDGE STOP GROWING

**Memethew:** KATIE HOLT, IF YOU GET A DATE MATE, THAT MAKES ME OLD

**Podge:** WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU HOES

**Lura:** BEEZER, YOU LIKE THEM, THAT MAKES UP OLD. I DON’T WANNA BE OLD KATIE. 

**Podge:** .... _ Keith _

**Keefers:** I DIDN’T SAY SHIT

**Plaxtic:** wait,,,,does that mean-

**Podge:** no, shut up

**Hunkey:** OMG

**shayaway:** ha, I was right

**Memethew:** well, Shallura, looks like we’re old

**Shirt:** I’m gonna order a milkshake and chug it

**Lura:** order me an apple pie. 

**Shirt:** bout to eat my feelings away

**Podge:** ITS NOT A BIG DEAL

**Lura:** I’m so proud of my daughter

**Podge:** Oh my god

* * *

**Long:** WAIT, PIDGE LIKES BEEZER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after I finish this, I'm gonna make a small fic for Beezer and Pidge.


	20. Lissen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance. 
> 
> Pidge and Beezer?
> 
> ooooooooo
> 
> A huge meme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [whips] sup, this is a little overdue but I've been busy with school. Sorry my bros

 

**_Cuntasaurus Rex_ **

 

 **Long:** do ya ever say something really sad without knowing that it’s sad?

 **Hunkey:** ,,,what did you say and to whom did you say it to?

 **Long:** Lissen

 **Lura:** oh boy

 **Long:** I was talking to my sister, Rachel.

 **Long:** and she was talking about going to college

 **Long:** and I just laughed and go “Lol I say I only wanna go to college to prove to everyone that I’m better than them, but in reality I’m going because everyone thinks I’m stupid and I’m fueled by spite”

 **Mermania:** omg Lance,

 **Long;** she stared at me for a good 5 minutes but I was playing flappy bird so I didn’t notice

 **Hunkey:** Lance,

 **Long:** she tried bringing it up and said I would do great things and junk but I then started talking about pies

 **Shayaway:** what the fuck Lance

 **Long:** we got into an argument cuz she kept trying to bring it back to the thing but I kept talking over her

 **Long:** ,,,,about pies

 **Mermania:** oh hunny

 **Long:** we’re gucci tho

 **Long:** but I have a feeling she’s gonna lock me in my room until I spill thy beans

 **Lura:** Baby boy, why are you like this

 **Long:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Long:** I just wanna graduate college with a bachelors in marine biology and then spend the rest of my adult life working at an aquarium

 **Long:** shark boys

 **Long:** seal boys

 **Long:** WALRUS BOYS

 **Long:** dolphins are assholes but I guess, whatever

 **Long:** also school starts soon

 **Long:** can’t wait to perish

 **Shayaway:** sounds like you need Hunk cuddles

 **Hunkey:** Sounds like-

 **Hunkey:** shay wtf

 **Shayaway:** magic bitch

 **Hunkey:** my gf is a witch

 **Shayaway:** heh

 **Lura:** Lance, my baby boy, you’ll do great things

 **Long:** My favorite kind of pie is cherry.

 **Mermania:** Oh my god

 **Shayaway:** why say this in the cunt chat?

 **Long:** because I don’t wanna worry Keiiiiiiiith

 **Long:** he's sibling bonding today and I don’t wanna disturb them

 **Long:** So I bother you

 **Hunkey:** we should be bothering Pidge

 **Long:** _GASP_

 **Long:** still upset that no one told me

 **Lura:** awww muffin

 **Long:** I want new friends

 **Hunkey:** yall ready for senior year

 **Shayaway:** I’m always ready.

 **Long:** n O

 **Lura:** I’m so ready for senior year

 **Long:** SHUT YOUR PRETTY MOUTH

 **Mermania:** LETS NOT TALK ABOUT SCHOOL

 **Mermania:** not yet at least

 **Long:** so,,,, _pie_

 **Shayaway:** lance, have I told you that I love you?

 **Long:** it’s always nice to hear, Shay

 **Shayaway:** <3

 **Shayaway:** well, I need to help mom clean out the attic today so

 **Shayaway:** goodbye my loves!

 **Hunkey:** Bye babe! Don't die! I love you!

 **Lura:** have fun! stay safe!

 **Long:** anyway, I’m gonna go listen to the Mean Girls Soundtrack

 **Hunkey:** have fun, Lance

 **Long:** OH I WILL HUNKETH

 **Long:** ta-ta you groovy little gays

 **Lura:** _we love him, we love him, we love h-_

 **Lura:**  Flor and I are going shopping now, don't disrupt us. 

 **Mermania:** we mean it

 **Hunkey:** AND THEN THERE WAS 1

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Podge:** YALL ARE SO QUIET TODAY

 **Keefers:** _sibling bonding_

 **Keefers:** QUICK, SHIRO ISN’T LOOKING SOMEONE COME SA

 **Keefers:** shiro was indeed looking- Shiro

 **Memethew:** LOOKING FINE AS HELL

 **Shirt:** sig

 **Shirt:** HELLO FRIENDS

 **Podge:** hi Romelle

 **Shirt:** Matthew, you make shiro very flustereguihekjwfdfnkehjru

 **Shirt:** no

 **Memethew:** well, that was a trip

 **Memethew:** Shiro, I love you

 **Shirt:** I love you too

 **Podge:** gag

 **Plaxtic:** YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT ANYMORE

 **Long:** YOU SLUT

 **Hunkey:** no right, not at all

 **Podge:** NOT YOU TOO HUNKEY

 **Hunkey:** :[

 **Podge:** I feel attacked

 **Plaxtic:** as you should

 **Podge:** SMH, I DON’T NEED THIS

 **Long:** she’s gonna go text beezer

 **Podge:** NO I AM NOT

 **Podge:**....ok maybe I am

 **Keefers:** _gag_

 **Memethew:** YGUHIJFKDSKJ

 

**_Podge- > Beeez_ **

 

 **Podge:** I feel attacked rn

 **Beeez:** worm?

 **Podge:** the big kids are making fun of me

 **Beeez:** do you want me to beat them up, son?

 **Podge:** _call me son one more time_

 **Beeez:** ITS QUIET UPTOWN

 **Podge:** OH YOU BITCH

 **Beeez:** my name’s Beezer, I am a robot, I don’t have emotions just to show it

 **Podge:** why am I friends with you?

 **Beeez:** because I’m totally tubular

 **Beeez:** you also love me, sooooo

 **Podge:** damn right I do

 

**_Beeez - > Manhands_ **

 

 **Beeez:** I’m gay

 **Manhands:** nice to meet you gay, I’m Nyma

 **Beeez:** I’M LEAVING

 **Manhands:** NICE TO MEET YOU, I’M LEAVING, I’M NYMA

 **Beeez:** How does Allura put up with you?

 **Manhands:** I ask myself that question a lot

 **Manhands:** she’s only in it for the looks

 **Beeez:** what looks?

 **Manhands:** BITCH

 **Beeez:** ok but

 **Beeez:** _gay_

 **Beeez:** hlp

 **Manhands:** what tis up my sibling?

 **Beeez:** _pidge_

 **Manhands:** Pidge isn’t up, she’s so small if anything she’s do-

 **Manhands:** OOOOOH

 **Beeez:** I hate you

 **Manhands:** I hate me too

 **Beeez:** NYMA NO

 **Manhands:** HUE HUE HUE

 **Manhands:** anyway, back to your gay

 **Beeez:** I can’t believe you

 **Manhands:** :3

 **Beeez:** sigh

 **Beeez:** she’s just so,,,, _aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa_

 **Manhands:** I feel that bro

 **Manhands:** I feel that real deep

 **Beeez:** AT LEAST YOU GOT THE GIRL

 **Manhands:** YOU COULD TOO

 **Beeez:** sounds scary

 **Manhands:** pussy

 **Beeez:** you’re not gonna bully me into it, nope, not this time

 **Beeez:** I have a nice friendship with Pidge and I’d rather not lose it

 **Beeez:** or risk it

 **Beeez:** or worse

 **Manhands:** _expel it_

 **Beeez:** I’m done talking to you

 **Manhands:** Hi, I’m done talking to you, I’m Nyma and you love me and just need to think over the pros and cons

 **Beeez:** _sigh_

 **Beeez:** alright, I do love making lists

 **Manhands:** THATS THE RIGHT WAY TO THINK

 **Manhands:** _positivity_

 **Beeez:** “I hate you” “me too”

 **Manhands:** touche

 

**_Beeez - > Podge_ **

 

 **Beeez:** sorry, Nyma texted me

 **Podge:** it’s chill

 **Beeez:** I was wondering if you wanted to hang out before school started?

 **Beeez:** like, have a long sleepover and do stupid shit

 **Podge:** the best kinda shit

 **Podge:** and I would love to

 **Beeez:** coolio

 **Podge:** yeet

 **Beeez:**....

 **Podge:**....

 **Beeez:** omg, we’re awful

 **Podge:** I hate us.

 

**_Long - > Keefers_ **

 

 **Long:** when are you free?

 **Keefers:** two more hours, Romelle is making us do paintball

 **Long:** sounds dope

 **Long:** wa- how is that sibling bonding

 **Keefers:** don’t ask me, babe

 **Long:** yguhijkl

 **Long:** just, text me when you’re done so I can pick you up and we can go to a drive-in-movie and cuddle in my car

 **Keefers:** that sounds like paradise

 **Long:** _anywhere with you is paradise_

 **Keefers:** LANCE, YOU CHEESY FUCK, I’M BLUSHING

 **Long:** g o o d

 **Long:** gotta remind you

 **Long:** that I love you

 **Long:** and that you’re beautiful

 **Long:** also I’m lowkey anxious because of school and I just wanna get out of the house

 **Keefers:** aww, babe, why didn’t you tell me sooner?

 **Long:** I didn’t wanna bother youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

 **Keefers:** >:(

 **Long:** dont do that face at me

 **Keefers:** fine, but we’re gonna have a Talk before the movie

 **Long:** hhhhhhhhhhhnnnngg fine

 **Keefers:** I worry about you because I love you, babe

 **Long:** I know

 **Long:** I love you too

 **Keefers:** I know

 **Keefers:** I gotta go now, we’re at the place, I’ll text you when I get out

 **Keefers:** tbh, would be lovely to have my sharpshooter here

 **Long:** gbjfd, I believe in you Samurai

 **Keefers:** a quick, “I love you Keith” for the road?

 **Long:** I love you Keith

 **Long:** more than anything ever

 **Long:** and i always will

 **Keefers:** I’m gonna cry, stop that

 **Long:** YOU ASKED FOR IT

 **Keefers:** shit, you right

 **Long:** when am I ever not right?

 **Keefers:** take a nap

 **Long:** :[

 **Keefers:** I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

 **Long:** I love you too, be safe

 **Keefers:** of course

 **Keefers:** try not to think of Things too much, baby

 **Long:** I’ll try

 **Long:** Have fun!

 **Keefers:** I’m gonna kick Shiro’s ass

 **Long:** you better.

 

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Podge:** you're right

 **Podge:** ....i don't have the right anymore

 **Plaxtic:** HA

 **Memethew:** ah, young, gay love

 **Podge:** shut it before I show them what's in your "special file"

 **Hunkey:** WHATS IN THE SPECIAL FILE

 **Plaxtic:** GIMME GIMME

 **Memthew:**   _Katie_

 **Podge:** lol, 

 **Hunkey:** I WANT

 **Plaxtic:**   _ **GIMME**_

 **Podge:** would you believe me if I said that Matt drew the whole squad as furries

 **Memethew:** dead to me

 **Plaxtic:** YGFUHDIJSKFEH

 **Hunkey:** this tea is hot but nasty

 **Podge:** GEFYUHFIJHGUIFEJKGH

 **Memethew:** oh god, I hope Shio doesn't see this

 **Shirt:** too late bitch

 **Memethew:** kill me

 **Long:** this has nothing to do with the plot, wtf

 **Podge:** doesn't matter, it's funny. 

 **Long:** fair enough

 **Keefers:** [stares at the camera like I'm on the Office]

 **Long:** classic

 **Keefers:** y'know it bb

 **Hunkey:** dear God, please come back to this timeline. I understand why you left us, but please, I can't do this alone. 

 **Memethew:** #HunkisJesus2kforever

 **Hunkey:** I wish I could Thanos you all

 **Hunkey:** just,,,, _snap_

 **Podge:** congrats

 **Podge:** we broke Hunk

 **Memethew:** [insert: Air Horn Sad Violin Full here]

 **Shirt:** I want a refund on you all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry if this seems kinda half-assed


	21. daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some stupid junk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS A SHORT CHAPTER I'M SORRY SCHOOL IS BEING A SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Long:** WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THE MEAN GIRLS MUSICAL

 **Long:** MY BUSSY IS BOPPING NONSTOP

 **Shirt:** Lance,,,,it’s 2 in the morning

 **Long:** AND MY BUSSY IS BOPPING

 **Shirt:** why are you up

 **Long:** I’m writing an essay about how much I love Keith

 **Long:** currently 17 pages

 **Long:** also thinking I broke my neck headbanging to “Sexy”

 **Shirt:** omg, Lance you can’t be serious

**_Long sent an attachment_ **

 

 **Shirt:** why are you like this?

 **Long:** because i love your brother

 **Shirt:** pls sleep

 **Long:** no, I’m gonna play moviestarplanet

 **Shirt:** LANCE PLEASE

 **Long:** ROBLOX

 **Shirt:** OH MY GOD

 **Long:** shiro, play roblox with me

 **Shirt:** ,,,,,fine

 

* * *

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Podge:** what the fucm

 **Long:** WOOOOO

 **Shirt:** WE DIDN’T GET A N Y SLEEP

 **Podge:** what the

 **Long:** WE STARTED OFF WITH ROBLOX BUT THEN WE PLAYED FORTNITE AND LEAGUE OF LEGENDS AND THEN MINECRAFT AND THEN OVERWATCH AND NOW WE’RE RABIT-ING VINES

 **Shirt:** I love Lance

 **Keefers:** no

 **Long:**  BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HI

 **Keefers:** hi, Lance

 **Keefers:** how much caffeine did you consume?

 **Long:** all of it

 **Keefers:** shiro, this is all your fault

 **Long:** Baby, lissen

 **Long:** My essay is now 48 pages long. I think i’m gonna make it into a short book

 **Keefers:** Lance omg

 **Long:** well, two pages are just “Your ass is hot” over and over

 **Keefers:** L A N C E

 **Long:** ur ass is hot

 **Keefers:** Babe, please get some sleep

 **Long:** mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmno

 **Hunkey:** oh boyo

 **Hunkey:** this will be fun

 

**_Keefers - > Long_ **

 

 **Keefers:** if I come over and cuddle you, will you take a nap

 **Long:** y e s

 **Long:** do I get to touch ur butt

 **Keefers:** sigh

 **Keefers:** yes, you can touch my ass

 **Long:** sweet

 **Long:** bring me a sweater

 **Keefers:** what, why?

 **Long:** I want it, that's why

 **Keefers:** smh fine

 **Long:** also come in your pj’s so we can be comfy together

 **Keefers:** was just gonna take your sweatpants, but ok

 **Long:** ,,,,wait I like you wearing my clothes,,,,don’t come in your pj’s

 **Keefers:** you’re such a sap

 **Long:** only for you

 **Keefers:** I would sure hope so

 **Long:** you know what I mean

 **Keefers:** yeah, I do

 **Long:** hurry up

 **Long:** and get your pretty butt over here

 **Keefers:** smh, you only love me for my looks

 **Long:** FAKE NEWS

 **Keefers:** guhijo I’m on my way rn, getting in the car

 **Long:** put the phone down and vroom

 **Keefers:** PFF

 **Long:** I mean it, phone down

 **Keefers:** I know, just sitting here rn

 **Long:** I love you, now get going

 **Keefers:** I love you too, omw

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Memethew:** Lance, what did you do to my boyfriend?

 **Long:** I helped him reach his final form

 **Shirt:** I’m in love with Lance

 **Keefers:** no

 **Hunkey:** God, please. I beg of you

 **Hunkey:** Come back or smite me, just fix this shit

 **Podge:** HUNK IS JESUS 2KFOREVER

**Hunkey: :/**

**Plaxtic:** Shiro acts like an 11 year old when he’s sleep deprived

 **Plaxtic:** he’s also sups stupid

 **Shirt:** proof

 **Plaxtic:** you put a spoon in my microwave and then ran towards it screaming “RED ALERT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL BOYS”

 **Shirt:** that doesn’t smell like proof to me, senior

 **Memethew:** did

 **Memethew:** was that an IT quote but not

 **Shirt:** idk, was it

 **Shayaway:** wtf is happening

 **Shirt:** Hunk might be Jesus,,,but I’m god

 **Hunkey:** ,,,,dad? Is that you

 **Shirt:** son, it’s been years

 **Hunkey:** Omg dad, I missed you so much

 **Shirt:** lissen, I was fucking nymphs, doing god shit

 **Hunkey:** D A D

 **Mermania:** I HATE THIS FUCKING FAMILY

 **Lura:** get on top of the fridge, right now.

 **Shirt:** Lura

 **Shirt:** Lauren

 **Shirt:** Lauderdale

 **Lura:** omg, what

 **Shirt:** go suck Nyma’s dick

 **Lura:** SOMEONE PUT HIM TO BED RIGHT NOW

 **Shirt:** put me to bed, daddy

 **Memethew:** did someone say dad-

 **Memethew:** _I’m on my way_

 **Podge:** nope. Not happening. You’re staying here and I’m texting romelle

 **Shirt:** you wouldn’t dare

 **Podge:** watch me bitch

 

**_Podge - > romEllen_ **

 

 **Podge:** shiro is sleep deprived and making daddy jokes, please put him to bed before Allura kills him

 **romEllen:** why, hello to you too

 **romEllen:** and yeah, i’ll go put that little bitch to bed

 **Podge:** thanks, ur awesome

 **romEllen:** tell me something I don’t know.

 **Podge:** ….. _how many inches in a mile?_

 **Podge:** …. _what it takes to see you smile?_

 **romEllen:** NO

 

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Shirt:** pidge, you’re dead to me

 **Podge:** ;P

 **Shirt:** Hi all! tis me! I'm taking Shiro's phone and making him sleep!

 **Shirt:** this is gonna be a living hell for me!

 **Shirt:** Lance! You're dead to me!

 **Keefers:** no.

 **Hunkey:** speaking of,,,where is the boy?

 **Keefers:** asleep

 **Keefers:** in my arms

 **Podge:** GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

 **Plaxtic:** YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT ANYMORE

 **Mermania:** I hate this fucking family. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu


	22. vore owo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge is having a crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING ANYMORE

 

**_Podge - > Beeez_ **

 

**Podge:** bro

**Podge:** brother

**Podge:** broski

**Podge:** Brethren

**Podge:** Brotatochip

**Beeez:** ITS 3 IN THE MORNING WHAT DO YOU W A N T

**Podge:** Oh hush up child, I knew you were awake and probably watching anime

**Beeez:** _ [slowly exes out of netflix while Ouran High is playing] _

**Podge:** you’re such a weeb

**Beeez:** you don’t know me, bitch

**Podge:** you probably have your blankets wrapped around you and then you have the hood of your hoodie on and tied so you can only see a portion of your face,

**_Beeez sent a photo_ **

**Beeez:** damn, maybe you do know me, bitch

**Podge:** thats my new wallpaper

**Beeez:** GVHGFDJKS

**Podge:** u look cute in it so I need to show it off. 

**Beeez:** oh wo r m

**Podge:** smh

**Podge:** stop it you tumblr speaking hooman

**Beeez:**  who said I was a hooman?

**Podge:** me bitch

**Beeez:** fair enough

**Podge:** anyway, back to why I texted you

**Beeez:** oh yeah lol. 

**Podge:** wanna sneak out and go to McDonalds

**Podge:** I’ll pay

**Podge:** just b o r e d

**Podge:** and I want fries and I kinda wanna hold your hand rn

**Beeez:** oh worm

**Podge:** yeah,,,,I’ll meet you there?

**Beeez:** sounds lit

**Beeez:** why do you wanna hold my hand?

**Podge:** I crave physical affection

**Beeez:** i dig it

**Podge:** plusyourecute

**Beeez:** tgeuhrij    
  


 

**_Podge - > Keefers_ **

 

**Podge:** I’M MAKING A MOVE

**Podge;** WAKE UP

**Keefers:** Pidge, this is Lance, what the fuck it’s like 3 am 

**Podge:** _wake him up_

**Keefers:** wtf no?

**Keefers:** what's going on?

**Podge:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, _ beezer _

**Keefers:** OH WORM

**Podge:** LISSEN, I’M SLEEP DEPRIVED AND I WANTED FRIES

**Podge:** SO I TEXTED THEM AND WAS LIKE “YO YOU WANT SOME MCDICKS AND MAYBE ALSO WANNA HOLD MY HAND?”

**Keefers:** YOU DID N O T

**Podge:** I D I D

**Keefers:** dudE THATS HOW I FIRST ASKED KEITH OUT

**Podge:** WHAT

**Keefers:** well I brought him to McD’s then to a field to stargaze 

**Podge:** I Am Not Doing That

**Podge:** I’ll just hold hand and eat fry

**Keefers:** hold fry eat hand

**Podge:** no

**Keefers:** vore owo

**Podge:** BLOCKED

**Podge:** oh and I totally called them cute and made them my wallpaper

**Keefers:** WHAT HAPPENED TO NOT MAKING A MOVE?

**Podge:** IDK

**Keefers:** also, this is Keith, I woke up because Lance was laughing. 

**Podge:** SMH

**Keefers:** disowning my bf because he said “vore owo”

**Keefers:** BUT ANYWAY

**Keefers:** STOP TEXTING ME AND GO GET YOUR P E R S O N

**Podge:** smh

**Keefers:** STOP “SMH” ING

**Podge** I DO IT WHEN IM NERVOUS

**Keefers:** g O

**Podge:** SMH

**Keefers:** K A T I E

**Podge:** S M H HHHHHHHHHHHHH   
  


 

**_Memethew - > Podge_ **

 

**Memethew:** darling sister dearest doll

**Memethew:** wherest the fuckest are youest

**Memethew:** You better not be in the woods, how many times do I have to tell you?

**Memethew:** Bigfoots not out there, I would know, I lived out there for 2 months

**Podge:** I’m not in the woods, brother doll dearest darling

**Memethew:** THEN WHEREST THE FUCKEST ARE YOUEST

**Podge:** Thats None Of Your Concern 

**Memethew:** hmmmm,,,,

 

 

**_Memethew - > Keefers_ **

 

**Memethew:** wherest the fuckest is she est

**Keefers:** mcd’s with Bee

**Memethew:** snitches get stitches 

**Keefers:** sNiTchEs gET StiTchES

**Memethew:** I should have known, keith would never give her location away.

**Memethew:** can’t believe you fooled me, McClain

**Keefers:** lozer

**Memethew:** oh shove it up your ass

**Keefers:** g l a d l y

**Memethew:** LANCE

**Keefers:** huhuehueheu

**Keefers:** keith is gonna disown me owo

**Memethew:** good. 

 

 

**_Memethew - > Podge_ **

 

**Memethew:** i cant believe you, not telling your own brother when you’re on a date

**Podge:** Lance is dead to me

**Memethew:** how did you-

**Podge:** Keith would never snitch

**Memethew:** THATS WHAT I SAID

**Memethew:** anyway,,,,,

**Memethew:** bitch

**Podge:** blocked

**Memethew:** wait! Unblock me, I need to tell you something important

**Podge:** …..

**Podge:** ….unblocked 

**Memethew:** bitch

**Podge:** can’t believe this slander

**Memethew:** get used to it

**Podge:** no

**Memethew:** gaysp

**Podge:** now if you excuse me, I have a totally Not Date to go on

**Memethew:** I want you home before 10

**Podge:** Matt, its 3 in the morning

**Memethew:** oh shit really? Haven’t left the house in three days

**Podge:** smh, I’ll bring you back a pie

**Memethew:** I WANT YOU HOME BEFORE 5

**Podge** : get ouT OF MY ROOM MOM

 

 

**_Podge - > Shirt_ **

 

**Podge:** take my brother out on a date before he forgets where he is

**Shirt:** ITS 3 IN THE M O R N I N G

**Podge:** then why are you awake?

**Shirt:** ,,,,,,,fine, what do you want?

**Podge:** I know Matts getting sad about leaving for college, you’re his boyf, get over here tomorrow and take him on a date. He hasn’t seen the sun for 3 days

**Shirt:** :(((( my baby boy

**Podge:** sigh

**Shirt:** my poor baby boy is sad and that makes me sad

**Shirt:** is your door unlocked?

**Podge:** nope, and I’m at mcd’s with bee so I can’t open

**Shirt:** ,,,,we’ll talk about that after

**Shirt:** do you think matt would like it if threw rocks at his window while Africa played?

**Podge:** omfg, just marry him already

**Shirt:** I’M THINKING ABOUT IT

**Podge:** what

**Shirt:** what

**Podge:** _shiro_

**Shirt:** w h a t, of course I fantasize about marrying Matt

**Shirt:** but of course I'm not gonna propose until we’re done with school and stable in life

**Podge:** lol, so never

**Shirt:** P I D GE, I WILL NOT TAKE THIS SLANDER

**Podge:** I wish I could say that I’m sorry

**Shirt:** at least tell me that you love me?

**Podge:** ,,,,I DON’T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH THIS, I’LL TEXT YOU LATER

**Shirt:**  :(((

**Podge:** sigh

**Podge:** Shiro, I love you

**Shirt:** :))) ily2

**Podge:** SIGH

 

**_Beeez - > Podge_ **

 

**Beeez:** where are youuuuuuuu

**Beeez:** its dark and I’m Cold

**Podge:** shhhh, I’m almost there

**Podge:** I’ll give you my hoodie

**Beeez:** oh

**Beeez:** that sounds,

**Beeez:** nice

**Podge:** it does?

**Beeez:** yeah,,, really nice

**Podge:** oh ok

**Podge:** thats,,,,good

**Podge:** really nice and good

**Beeez:** yeah

**Podge:** yeah

**Beeez:** OH I SEE YOU

**Podge:** huh

**Beeez:** I’d notice that beautiful mess of a hair anywhere

**Podge:** rude

**Beeez:** :3

**Beeez:** just get over here and gimme your hoodie and your hand

**Beeez:** and let’s go spend all of your money on over processed fries

  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

  
**Podge:** I’m so fucked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry for anything


	23. fridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pidge? Beezer? yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Podge:** I'm so fucked

 

* * *

 

**Hunkey:** excuse?

**Podge:** nothing, everything is fine

**Shirt:** how did your date with Beezer go?

**Podge:** SNITCHES ARE BITCHES WHO END UP IN DITCHES, TAKASHI

**Plaxtic:** TELL ME EVERYTHING

**Podge:** NO

  
  


**_Hunkey - > Shayaway_ **

 

 **Hunkey:** all this young love is making me miss you

**Hunkey:** date night?

**Shayaway:** date night. 

**Hunkey:** good, we’ll go out to dinner and gossip

**Shayaway:** spilling tea and loving my boy

**Shayaway:** best way to spend my wednesday

**Hunkey:** You’re evil

**Shayaway:** so are you

**Hunkey:** fair enough

**Shayaway:** ;)

**Hunkey:** <3

**Shayaway:** <33

  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Podge:** nothing happened

**Podge:** _thatyouneedtoknowabout_

**Plaxtic:** SPILL SPILL SPILL SPILL SPILL SPILL SPOLLL SPOLN N SPOLL

**Lura:** DID SOMEONE SAY T E A

**Mermania:** get your filthy Britain ass out of here

**Lura:** My Britain ass is very clean, thank you 

**Mermania:** smh

**Podge:** i need new friends

**Memethew:** you need a life

**Memethew:** AND TO TELL US HOW THE D A T E WENT

**Podge:** smh

**Keefers:** STOP WITH THE SMH

**Podge:** nO SMH

  
  


**_Long - > Beeez_ **

 

**Long:** hey buddy

**Beeez:** hey lance! Whats up

**Long:** I have a question

**Beeez:** _you’re not getting anything out of me_

**Long:** I’ll give you 10 bucks

**Beeez:** ,,,,,,,,ok so

**Beeez:** multiple things happened 

**Long:** I need the hottest tea

**Beeez:** okok so

**Beeez:** she held my hand

**Long:** old news

**Beeez:** uh

**Beeez:** we

**Beeez:** we went stargazing

**Long:** ,,,,please hold

  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Long:** pidge, you’re dead to me

**Podge:** ,,,,,,ohno

**Long:** miss “ I Am Not Doing That” Holt

**Podge:** lissen

**Long:** I Will Not

**Keefers:** omg pidge

**Keefers:** you did n o t

**Long:** smh

  
  


**_Long - > Beeez_ **

 

**Long:** continue 

**Beeez:** we uh

**Beeez:** hung out for a while

**Beeez:** and uh

**Beeez:** said some

**Beeez:** things

**Long:** say no more

**Long:** ship name? Bridge

**Long:** Bradleigh + Katie

 **Beeez:** _never say my true name again, McClain_

**Long:** bridge

  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Long:** bridge

**Podge:** nO

**Hunkey:** CANON?

**Long:** YUP

  
  


**_Podge - > Beeez_ **

 

**Podge:** :[

**Beeez:** he bribed me

**Podge:** with what

**Beeez:** ten bucks

**Podge:** ,,,,, _ you’re so cheap _

**Beeez:** ;P

**Beeez:** are we hanging out today?

**Podge:** yeah, gonna get our put put on

**Beeez:** get ready to lose

**Podge:** to you? Never. 

  
  


**_Long - > Keefers_ **

 

**Long:** mmmm where’d you go

**Keefers:** talking to Rachel 

**Long:** that's never good 

**Keefers:** whats up with you being all sad and shit about your future?

**Long:** _dammit_

**Long:** it’s just

**Long:** nothing big really

**Keefers:** nope, nuh uh, talk to me babe

**Long:** its just

**Long:** everyone expects me to be super successful, and not for what  _ I _ want, they think that I’ll be some famous singer, but I don’t want that. I wanna be a marine biologist and study sharks and work with animals and all that jazz

**Keefers:** Baby, you’re in charge of your future, no one else but you

**Keefers:** you wanna be one with the sharks, bet, do it

**Keefers:** I’ll fist fight anyone who tells you you can’t

**Long:** you wanna fight my dad?

**Keefers:** actually, yes

**Long:** yguhij

**Keefers:** I’ll be up in a minute, Rachel is talking about her hair products. 

**Long:** smh, I’ll come save you

**Keefers:** please

  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Mermania:** pidge, you’re no longer the only single one

**Podge:** I have evolved 

**Long:** bridge

**Keefers:** hottake: **I’m in love with Lance McClain and I will fist fight anyone for him**

**Long:** ftyguhij stop that

**Shayaway:** being soft? Not in my christian minecraft server.    
**Long:** smh, shut up, you and Hunk are going on date night tonight

**Shayaway:** I hate this fucking family

**Podge:** there’s room on the fridge for you. 

**Shayaway:** schooch over, my hips are huge

**Long:** Hunk’s a lucky man

**Hunkey:** I JUST CHOKED

**Hunkey:** THIS IS NOT HOW YOU SHOULD BE TREATING JESUS

**Shayaway:** you aren’t denying anything

**Hunkey:** of course not, your hips are a blessing

**Mermania:** we need a bigger fridge. 

**Lura:** yes, yes we do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


	24. tentacles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yall, this shit whild
> 
> Nymallura
> 
> Some main groupchat shit
> 
> fluff? kinda?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I was the dancing queen
> 
> ALSO GO READ MY PALS FIC, THEYRE AMAZING AND I LOVE THEM AND THE FIC IS ALSO AMAZING READ IT. THEIR @ IS G0lden_trash CHECK THEM OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Keefers:** thursdays are such good days

**Keefers:** my favorite day

**Plaxtic:** stop being soft in my christian minecraft server

**Podge:** excuse me, I made this chat

**Plaxtic:** slander

**Keefers:** chilren

**Keefers:** I get to see the Chilren

**Plaxtic:** the softness has already corrupted him

**Long:** I’m being brought on this adventure today!

**Shirt:** wow, Keith must really love you, he hasn’t even taken me to see the kids

**Keefers:** I’m Love Him

**Shirt:** wow, ,you don’t lo v e me?

**Keefers:** it's different, I don’t make out with you

**Shirt:** fair

**Memethew:** ew

**Long:** I hate that ew ew ew

**Keefers:** anyway, I’m taking Lance to see the chilren with me and he’s bringing his guitar and we’re gonna have a blast

**Podge:** you can play music in the library?

**Keefers:** ITS THE KIDS SECTION PIDGE, ITS GONNA BE OK

**Keefers:**  that was aggressive, thanks capslock

**Podge:** I thought i was being yelled at :(

**Keefers:** g _ asp _

**Keefers:** Pidgey, no, I would never

**Podge:** :(

**Keefers:** _stop it_

**Podge:** :,(

**Keefers:** Katie, I’m so sorry

**Plaxtic:** wow, Lance looks like Keith’s not just whipped for you

**Long:** I

**Long:** _I_

**Long:** mom

**Lura:** yes, my son

**Long:** do you love me mom?

**Lura:** yes, my son

**Long:** more than pidge?   
**Lura:** yes, my son

**Keefers:** that makes one of us

**_Podge sent image:_ ** **_get got.PNG_ **

**Mermania:** ,,,,,is that a Dolan Twin

**Podge:** uhhhhhhhh

**Podge:** oh look, can you smell that? Matt lit his socks on fire again, gotta blast. 

**Memethew:** what

**Podge** : MATT COME HELP ME PUT OUT THE SOCK FIRE

**Memethew:** what socDRFTYGUHIJ

**Memethew:** oH NO THE SOCK FIRE

**Hunkey:** Pidge overpowered him

**Shirt:** yup.

**Plaxtic:** Matt, you’re a fucking twink. 

**Plaxtic:** and Pidge, 

**Plaxtic** : who’s your favorite Dolan twin?

**Podge:** whomst’ve?

**Memethew:** Grayson

**Podge:** …..

**Podge:** oh no, the fire has spread and Matt has perished. 

**Keefers:** rest in penises. 

**Shirt:** sigh

**Podge:** Shiro, come get your twinky

**Shayaway:** he’s well roasted

**Hunkey:** ftqygahtjklfkdn

**Long:** YGEUHDWYHISUEGDHFJDSJIK

**Keefers:** [ _ gay keysmashing] _

**Mermania:** oh my GOD

**Plaxtic:** I hate all of you

**Shayaway:** JOIN THE FRIDGE 

**Podge:** WE HAVE SUNNY-D

**Shayaway:** I get enough sunshine dick

**Hunkey:**  S H A Y

**Shirt:** so, my Wednesday was great, thanks for asking

**Keefers:** enough of that bullshit, the chilren are calling

**Long:** BEEP BEEP, GET IN LOSER WE’RE GOING SHOPPING

**Plaxtic:** who let them date?

**Memethew:** none of us, they did it behind our backs

**Plaxtic:** fucking rats. 

**Mermania:** pussy ass bitches

**Lura:** FLOR OMGHDJSO

**Podge:** As much as I love this topic

**Podge:** we have more Pressing matters to deal with

**Shirt:** like?

**Podge:** YOUTUBE IS D O W N

**Lura:** awww, and didn’t the Dolan twins post a video two days ago?

**Podge:** I will kill you. 

**Podge:** BUT SERIOUSLY ITS DOWN

**Shayaway:** NYALL

**Long:** and  _ I’m  _ the furry

**Shayaway:** YOUTUBE IS DOWN BITCHES

**Shayaway:** THIS AINT NO PUSSY DRILL

**Shayaway:** How will I survive without vine comps

**Shirt:** Lance once sent me a video over sc of him saying “As soon as I woke up I started watching a five hour vine compilation and eating watermelon. Living the life, get on my level.”

**Long:** sigh

**Long:** I’m a comedic genius

**Shirt:** no, you’re just sad

**Long:** that too. 

**Keefers:** Omg, Lance please

**Keefers:** he’s just sitting in the car

**Long:** texting and driving is a bad, Keefums

**Keefers:** THE CHILDREN ARE W A I T I N G FOR ME

**Long:** SMH FINE STOP YELLING AT ME

**Long:** this is an abusive relationship. 

**Long:** Keith hit me

**Keefers:** I will murk you, FUCKING DRIVE

**Keefers:** and I didn’t actually hit him, I lightly pushed him. 

**Shirt:** thats what they all say. 

**Keefers:** I’m gonna murk all of you except Matt and Shay

**Memethew:** omg, someone actually loves me. 

**Keefers:** twinkies are my favorite snack. 

**Lura:** VGHYUHIJ I CAN N O T

**Shayaway:** I love my princesses 

**Memethew:** owo my princess parts

**Shirt:** NOT THIS AGAIN

**Shirt:** LANCE, START FUCKING DRIVING AND TAKE KEITHS PHONE. 

**Shirt:** PIDGE. BEAT MATTS ASS. 

**Podge:** with pleasure. 

**Memethew:** this is homophobia

**Shirt:** I’m? Gay?

**Memethew:** AND?

**Shirt:** wh

**Memethew:** you can be gay and still hate the gays

**Shirt:** n

**Memethew:** for example, I hate myself. 

**Shirt:** MATTHEW SAMUEL HOLT I STG

**Podge:** I’m gonna whomp your ass

**Hunkey:** I want a refund on all of you

**Mermania:** too bad you lost the receipt, bitch

**Hunkey:** I keep everything

**Shayaway:** he does

**Plaxtic:** I hate you all. 

**Plaxtic:** also, a very special day is tomorrow which is a day that's also special. 

**Mermania:** _yes_

**Mermania:** tomorrow is indeed a day that's special but is also a special day. 

**Memethew:** I hate when you guys do this

**Shirt:** it's their anniversary 

**Plaxtic:** Shiro is the only bitch I fuck with

**Shirt:** really? Come fuck with me then

**Plaxtic:** I’ll fuck with you on a nice soft and warm bed

**Shirt:** is it freshly made?

**Plaxtic:** you know it bitch. 

**Shirt:** nice, come pick me up and fuck with me

**Mermania:** I’m gonna walk in on them fucking with eachother

**Hunay:** PFFFT

**Shayaway:** they’re just gonna cuddle and cry because Shiro is leaving next week

**Podge:** shut up. 

**Lura:** why you gotta bring that up? You fucking slut. 

**Memethew:** bicth

**Hunkey:** shay, I can’t believe you. 

**Podge:** someone get the fire and stones ready

**Lura:** if she dies she's not a witch

**Mermania:** flawless logic. 

**Shayaway:** nah, you gotta tie me up and throw me in the water

**Shayaway:** if I drown I’m innocent 

**Hunkey:** if she floats she's a witch

**Mermania:** once again, flawless

  
  


**_Lura - > Manhands_ **

 

**Lura:** I leave in a week

**Manhands:** shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Lura:** Nyma,,

**Manhands:** _sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_

**Lura:** Nyma, I swear to god

**Manhands:** this is what I get for dating an older women

**Lura:** omg, fuck off

**Lura:**  the campus is only an hour and half away. 

**Manhands:** but baby, consider this, I’m lazy. 

**Lura:** but if you spend those almost 2 hours to come and see me, we can be lazy together

**Manhands:** you make a good point. 

**Lura:** _Nyma_

**Manhands:** I don’t want you to leave

**Manhands:** I don’t know how I would feel not seeing you at least 4 times a week

**Manhands:** and the cuddles!!

**Manhands:** but let's be real, I’m gonna miss your boobs the most

**Lura:** NYMA OMG

**Lura:** you were doing so well until then

**Manhands:** idk what you mean, I think that was the most romantic thing I have ever said to you.

**Manhands:** def top ten

**Lura:** :[

**Lura:** are you gonna come spend all next week with me?

**Manhands:** uhhh duh

**Manhands:** I’m gonna love the shit outta you

**Lura:** ,,,,love?   
**Manhands:** ,,,,,yes

**Manhands:** gonna- OH

**Manhands:** I see now

**Manhands:** I did the thing

**Lura:** omg I can’t believe this

**Manhands:** ,,,,,,,

**Manhands:** _I love you bitch_

**Lura:** Nyma,,,,why

**Manhands:** I AINT NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU

**Lura:** omg i love you too

**Manhands:** groovy

**Lura:** SIGH

  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Lura:** Nyma just said she loved me

**Shirt:** exCUSE

**Memethew:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Hunkey:** how’d she do it?

**Lura:** ,,,,,, _ I love you bitch _

**Podge:** HHAHSHAHHWGFYGDSUHASUFE4TGUIHKIGGIGFJ

**Plaxtic:** HHSHGIUWFHEASJJ NO FUCKING WAY I STAN A QUEEN

**Mermania:** those were the most aggressive key smashes I have ever seen

**Long:** DID SOMEONE SAY L O VE 

**Shayaway:** here we go

**Long:** such a beautiful thing, 

**Long:** BUT NOT AS BEAUTIFUL AS KEITH WITH THESE FUCKING KIDS

**Shayaway:** there it is

**Lura:** I get the spotlight rn bitch, step aside. 

**Long:** smh, I’ll just wait to send these 45 pictures

**Mermania:** oh my god

**Shirt:** I wish we could have stopped the powerhouse that is Klance

**Long:** no u don’t

**Shirt:** you’re right, Keith is happiest when with you

**Long:**  i

**Long:** _I_

**Keefers:** WHY IS LANCE CRYING

**Keefers:** awww, wait

**Podge:** shiro, look what you did

**Shirt:** Am Proud. 

**Keefers:** I love Lance

**Keefers:** but I must get back to the kiddies, they wanna hear Twinkle Twinkle and I Shall Not Disappoint. 

**Keefers:** Lance fell in love with this one little girl who calls herself “gato” because it’s spanish for cat and he’s just hgfbjnkmd

**Keefers:** she’s sitting in his lap omg cuties

**Keefers:** then there’s a little boy who wants to be called “Blue” because its his favorite color and he’s leaning against Lance. 

**Keefers:** I have Sam on my leg rn, they’re all so cute

**Plaxtic:** take your fluff outta here, 

**Keefers:** gotta blast anyway, you slut

**Plaxtic:** ;*

**Keefers:** >:[

**Shirt:** well, anyway

**Shirt:** Matt and Lance are both twinks

**Lura:** also Plax

**Shirt:** yeah

**Plaxtic:** EX?CU?SE?M?E

**Hunkey:** you’re excused

**Plaxtic:** BINCH

**Shayaway:** all my thicc thots, were u at

**Lura:** AYYYYE

**Shirt:** AAAAYYYYE

**Mermania:** ,,,,do I coun’t as thicc

**Shayaway:** yes

**Mermania:** AYYYYYE

**Hunkey:** AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYE

**Podge:** ,,,,what am I?

**Lura:** a fucking twig

**Podge:** I don’t deserve this slander. 

**Podge:** god, I wish I was the dancing queen

**Memethew:** that was so random wtf

**Lura:** everyday we stray further from God’s light

**Shirt:** idk what you’re talking about I’m right here

**Hunkey:** this fucking family can choke. 

**Shayaway:** choke on what?

**Hunkey:** tentacles 

**Podge:** fucking scaley

**Hunkey:** look who’s talking

**Podge:** I GOOGLED IT ONCE, HUNK

**Podge:** O N C E

**Lura:** _are you there god, its me, allura?_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I was the dancing queen.
> 
> ALSO I WROTE THIS WHEN YOUTUBE WAS DOWN AND THAT WAS LIKE, LAST TUESDAY TGBJRNEDK


	25. high there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think you can guess whats happening from the title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL IM SO SORRY ABOUT THE LATE UPDATE. I'VE BEEN MEANING TO WRITE THIS BUT I HONESTLY KEPT FORGETTING(also I have a new fic bghjfdk) BUT SERIOUSLY, IM SO SO SORRY, BLS ENJOY THIS CHAPTER, I PULLED IT OUT OF MY ASS. sorry this is kinda short, as well, ,I know, I suck

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Podge:** I’m listening to Hamilton with Keith while he’s high and it’s the best thing to ever happen to me

**Podge:** he gave me a lap dance

**Long:** he also gave me a lap dance and I cried

**Podge:** he did.

**Keefers:** piffe thre money at me, I had to shake it

**Shirt:** HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT

**Shirt:** DONT LET KEITH GET HIGH

**Shirt:** HE MAKES BAD DECISIONS 

**Keefers:** _I am a bad decision_

**Shirt:** YOU WERE A PLANNED PREGNANCY

**Keefers:** yeah, but I’m also a twin. I was the one unplanned. 

**Podge:** just bc it was planned doesn't mean it was a good plan

**Keefers:** thanks pidge. 

**Podge:** I gottchu bb

**Shirt:** i stg, I will murk you

**Keefers:** do it

**Keefers:** I dare you

**Keefers:** bet you won’t. 

**Keefers:** pussy. 

**Memethew:** Pidge is also high, don’t let her fool you

**Shirt:** GASP, KATIE

**Memethew:** lmao, beezer is also here, this is lit

**Long:** I, too, am the high

**Shirt:** L A N CE

**Keefers:** takashit, don’t act like you’ve never gotten high, i have a video of you trying to surf on old lady Chelsea’s car

**Shayaway:** isn’t she like,,,,23?

**Keefers:** she calls herself ancient, its wack

**Long:** keith just said wack, I love my man

**Podge:** no, ,you and beezer will probably burn down the house

**Plaxtic:** shiro, there was also that time where you thought you were an eagel and you t-posed for a good 3 hours

**Memethew:** that was some dank kush

**Lura:** only a stoner talks like this folks,,,

**Memethew:** slander

**Keefers:** Lance, come cuddle with me, Nyma wont

**Long:** bet

**Lura:** hold the fuck up

**Podge:** holding

**Mermania:** hrfedjk

**Lura:** Nyma is there?????????????

**Keefers:** uhh,,,no?

**Lura:** BITCH

**Lura:** smh, I’m on my way

**Shayaway:** Hunkey, i wanna go get high with our friends

**Hunkey:** ,,,,, _ get ready _

**Shayaway:** Marry me?

**Hunkey:** yes. 

**Mermania:** Shiro, plax, I’m picking you guys up

**Shirt:** I didn’t sign up for this

**Mermania:** I’m not getting high, so you don’t have to, just,,,,lets go hang out,,,,y’know,,,,,all of us

**Podge:** Keith and Matt are crying now

**Podge:** IM ALSO CRYING NOW

**Long:** nyall

**Long:** bring the lights down low, it bout to get real up in here

**Hunkey:** this can only be good

**Long:** this summer has been one of the best summers of my entire life. I got closer to shiro, matt, pidge, plax, my wonderful boyfriend. I made so many good memories and most of them I’m making out with keith. I just wanna say that you guys are like a family to me and I lvoe you all so much and I would probably be dead without you guys. You all ground me and support me in ways that my actual family never has. You are all so amazing and beautiful and I love you all. I’m sad that summer is ending, Matt, Allura, Shiro, you guys are going to college to be a cool egg. I’ll miss you guys but I know that nothing will change. Shiro and Allura will still parent us and Matt will still fuck with us. As for everyone else (except pidge) we’re gonna be seniors!!! It’s our last year to fuck shit up so we better get cracking and do some stupid shit. AND PIDGE YOU BETTER FOLLOW US IN OUR FOOTSTEPS. I just love you guys so much and I couldn’t ask for a better family  <3

**Memethew:** bitch

**Shirt:** I didn’t ask for these tears, my eyeliner is smudging. 

**Podge:** where are you, you bitch, I need to hug you

**Long:** Bathtub with keefems

**Memethew:** GET OUT HERE SO WE CAN GROUP CUDDLE

**Lura:** IM ON MY WAY, I WANNA GROUP CUDDLE

**Hunkey:** buddy,,,,i lvoe you too

**Shayaway:** l v o e

**Plaxtic:** l v o e

**Mermania:** lvoe

**Keefers:** maybe lvoe will be our always

**Long:** KEITH, YOU’RE KILLING ME HERE

**Long:** also, let me up, they want group cuddles

**Keefers:** Lance is mine, back off

**Long:** ftyguhijok babe

**Podge:** smh, I’ll just come in there with you

**Memethew:** or nyma will carry them out

**Podge:** I like that one better

**Keefers:** bls no

**Shirt:** we’re almost there, I can help

**Lura:** bls, my gf is buff af

**Lura:** also, I’m here lol, let me in you cunts

**Podge:** your “buff gf” just squealed because she saw you through the window

**Lura:** she’s a disaster gay, leave her be. 

**Podge:** no

**Lura:** fair enough

**Memethew:** lol, beezer is sitting on the tv

**Memethew:** what the fuck

**Shirt:** omg, we’re here

**Shayaway:** lol, we pulled in at the same time, look at us, bff goals

**Shirt:** vrhfegdij

**Keefers:** yall ever just think about beans

**Hunkey:** ,,,,what

**Podge:** we’re trying to open the bathroom door and I can hear them mumbling about beans

**Keefers:** beans

**Keefers:** booens

**Hunkey:** god has left us

**Shirt:** idk what you’re talking about I’m right here. 

**Plaxtic:** we should buy another fridge

**Shayaway:** i think thats a great idea

**Hunkey:** her hips are too big for 1

**Hunkey:** they only tell the truth and the truth is that shay is one thiqq mamacita 

**Memethew:** we broke hunk

**Shayaway:** no, he’s just in love with my thiqqness

**Hunkey:** heccity hecc yeah I am

**Long:** Keith just tried eating soap

**Mermania:** ,,,,plax get in the car we’re going back home. 

**Plaxtic:** but mommy

**Memethew:** kinky

**Shirt:** matt, where are you

**Memethew:** idk, but its p dark in here

**Podge:** he’s under the bed. 

**Hunkey:** Shay and I are in the closet, leave us be

**Long:** they be smooching

**Shayaway:** and what are  _ you _ doing, Lance?

**Long:** trying to stop Keith from eating soap

**Shirt:** how is he the top of his class?

**Plaxtic:** he’s a good guesser

**Keefers:** I have a lucky brain

**Shirt:** how many hits did he take?

**Podge:** he drank the bong water. 

**Shirt:** I

**Lura:** HHAHAHAHGFYUAHIUDJTGOKHDFJ

**Plaxtic:** OMG  NO WYA WHAT A LEGOND GRHIEFJDSK

**Shayaway:**  IM CHOKING HYDGUSDHJ

**Memethews:** on what? Hunks sunshine dick?

**Shayaway:** HEY NOW, 

**Podge:** YOU’RE AN ALLSTAR

**Long:** THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF

**Mermania:** 2 different types of people, folks

**Long:** lizzie mcguire is iconic, quote me on it

**Podge:** I suddenly can’t read, idk how

**Keefers:** yall Lance won’t let me eat a fucking cough-drop cuz he thinks its soap

**Long:** ,,,,, _ wait _

**Long:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THATS A COUGH-DROP

**Long:** I SAW YOU TAKE IT OFF THE SHELF

**Long:** WHY IS IT SO LARGe

**Shayaway:** thats what she said

**Memethew:** thats what he said

**Shayaway:** I have incredible respect for you. 

**Memethew:** owo

**Podge:** blocked

**Keefers:** Lance is trying to take my cough-drop

**Mermania:** it’s not a cough-drop, is it?

**Keefers:** ,,,,no

**Shirt:** ,,,wait, where are nyma and allura?

**Podge:** on the roof.

**Podge:** being gay and shit. 

**Podge:** I hope our conservative neighbors appreciate it

**Shayaway:** they can go fuck each other in a McDonalds bathroom

**Shayaway:** they suck

**Long:** I ate the soap

**Podge:** Beezer and I are under the bed now with matthew

**Shirt:** omg, nope, thats it. I came here for cuddles and thats what I’m gonna Get. 

**Shirt:** everyone. Out of your hiding spots and onto the bed, I’m tired and I wanna hold my friends. 

**Keefers:** thats so sweet

**Keefers:** i lvoe you shereo

**Shirt:** fghudij I lvoe you too keith

**Long:** brother bonding

**Memethew:** How sweet

**Shirt:** sure is

**Shirt:** NOW CUDDLES

**Hunkey:** damn ok ok, we’re coming out of the closet. 

**Podge:** heh

**Podge:** bee, Matt, and I are rolling out from under the bed. 

**Plaxtic:** Flor and I were already on the bed, you losers

**Lura:** I’M COMING

**Long:** bet

**Shirt:** thank you

**Shirt:** I’m a tired boy and I want all of my pals to nap with me

**Shayaway:** this is the good shit

**Hunkey:** I love you all so much

**Long:** YEAH

**Plaxtic:** I would kill for all of you

**Lura:** I would give away my family fortune for you all

**Podge:** i would literally do anything for you guys, I love you so much

**Memethew:** look at us, a big happy family

**Mermania:** How many of us do you think we can fit onto a fridge?

**Shirt:** ….

**Shirt:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

* * *

 

 

**Keefers:** k, but seriously,,,,,

**Keefers** :  _ beans _

**Shirt:** _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> young and sweet, only 17


	26. lissen, there is a huge time skip here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FALL BREAK OWO
> 
> general group chat bullshit
> 
> A LOT OF OWO TALK, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN  
> (a lot of love stuff)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **BLS READ ITS LIKE IMPORTANT TO THE STORY OR WHATEVER**
> 
>  
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS A HUUUUGE TIME SKIP, ITS NO LONGER SUMMER BUT ITS NOVEMBER AND THEY'RE ON BREAK. I STARTED THIS FIC IN LIKE, MAY IDK HOW ITS STILL SUMMER, THATS ALL ON ME. BUT NOW ITS FALL, MATT, ALLURA, AND SHIRO ARE IN COLLEGE, THE GANG IS BACK IN HS, ITS JUST GENERAL SHIT OK? OK GROOVY BEANS.
> 
> also sorry for such a long wait, I've been really sick recently plus I have a bunch of school work, I also wasnt really motivated to write for this story, I did update my other fic, (go read it) and I really wanted to update this but had no inspiration. It took me a while but I finally got in A Mood. So here she is, the chapter,,,,,enjoy

 

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Long:** yall,its fall break

**Shirt:** MATT ALLURA AND I ARE COMING HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME

**Lura:** HELL YE BOIIIII

**Memethew:** MY LONGEST YEAH BOI EVER

**Keefers:** oh great

**Podge:** i am filled with joy

**Long:** Keith may be acting like he’s not excited but he misses you all very much

**Keefers:** I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS SLANDER

**Memethew:** I can’t wait to see my stoner babies

**Lura:** I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE MY PRINCE AND MY LOYAL KNIIIIIGHT

**Shirt:** I GET TO SEE MY GIRLFRIEND 

**Plaxtic:** BABY I AM SO EGGCITED TO SEE YOU

**Hunkey:** since we’re all gonna be together again we should do something fun

**Shayaway:** group sleepover and winter photoshoot since THE SNOW DECIDED TO FUCKING COME EARLY

**Mermania:** I love it, let’s do it

**Podge:** I’LL BRING MY FANCY CAMERA SO WE CAN PRINT THEM OUT AND MAKE THEM LOOK SNAZZY

**Lura:** I miss all my babies so much

**Keefers:** tragic

**Lura:** gasp

**Memethew:** i can’t wait to get high with you, keith

**Keefers:** same, babe

**Lura:** wow, ok so you can be nice to him but not me, I see how it is

**Keefers:** yes

**Memethew:** keef, ily

**Keefers:** ilym

**Long:** I can’t believe this fucking slander

**Long:** keith, who do you love more, me or matt

**Keefers:** matt

**Long:** well shit, guess you’re single now

**Keefers:** BABY I TAKE IT BACK I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE ANYTHING ELSE, PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME

**Long:** I LOVE YOU TOO BABY, I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU

**Mermania:** don’t worry guys, I hired a hitman, we won’t have to deal with Klance anymore

**Shirt:** thank god

**Podge:** our lord and savior 

**Shayaway:** my prayers have been answered 

**Hunkey:** bls,,,no they’re good boys, i promise

**Keefers:** I’m blocking all of you

**Long:** i’m leaving

**Keefers:** hunks the only person here that I stan

**Long:** gotta love that beautiful man

**Hunkey:** I will fight for you both

**Keefers:** see, Hunks not homophobic like the rest of you

**Shirt:** IM IN A GAY RELATIONSHIP

**Keefers:** and????????

**Shirt:** _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_

  
  


 

**_Keefers - > Long_ **

 

**Keefers:** you do know that i’m joking when I say stuff like that, right?

**Long:** of course!!

**Keefers:** ghfj ok, I just wanted to make sure

**Long:** keith, I would say something if it bothered me

**Keefers:** …

**Long:** ok, maybe I wouldn’t. 

**Long:** but, its fine! Really, its like what I do with Hunk

**Long:** I know that you’re just having fun and joking around. 

**Long:** i also know that you love me and i love you

**Long:** I know my limits, and I’m p sure you do too

**Keefers:** I’m so glad we can spend this week being lazy together

**Long:** same!!

**Keefers:** it feels like its been forever since the last time we were just,,,,y’know,,,, _ with each other _

**Long:** yeah, schools been,,,,hectic 

**Long:** BUT THIS WEEK WE GET TO HANG OUT TOGETHER, BE IDIOTS, CUDDLE ALL WE WANT, AND DO WHATEVER WE WANT

**Keefers:** I’m pumped

**Long:** saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame

**Keefers:** I really just wanna,,,nap with you

**Keefers:** is that weird? I feel like that’s weird

**Long:** hrfeijd baby, no, not at all

**Long:** I like napping with you

**Long:** I like it because you’re so cute and warm and so clingy

**Keefers:** gyuhrijfeu stop that

**Long:** no!!

**Long:** I love my soft boyfriend!!!!  
 **Keefers:** _wanna take the dogs out and film them playing in the snow?_

**Long:** BET

**Long:** YOU SHOULD MAKE THEM SWEATERS

**Keefers:** idk

**Long:** _you should make them sweaters_

**Keefers:** what if

**Keefers:** I don’t wanna

**Long:** touche

  
  
  


**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

**Podge:** i can sense keith and lance being gay

**Shirt:** your klance radar is amazing omg

**Podge:** _wait really_  
 **Shirt:** lol, yeah, they’re fucking around in the snow rn

**Podge:** I AM MAGIC

**Podge:** also, fucking around in the snow sounds fun

**Podge:** I’m gonna call my boo

**Plaxtic:** YOU DID NOT JUST SAYY BOO

**Hunkey:** we did it 

**Hunkey:** we broke pidge

**Mermania:** no, shes just in looooooooooooooooooooove

**Podge:** TOO SOON

**Mermania:** TFYGUHIJ

**Lura:** I wanna hang out with my boo in the snow

**Memethew:** THEN TELL CORAN TO DRIVE FASTER WE’RE SO CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE

**Lura:** why won’t you? You’re in the car too

**Memethew:** coran scares me. 

**Lura:** fair enough

**Shirt:** plus Matty is cuddling me

**Shayaway:** _matty_

**Podge:** MATTY B RAPS

**Shirt:** LET ME BE CUTE WITH MY BOYFRIEND WITHOUT GETTING SLANDERED

**Memethew:** YEAH

**Lura:** let the men be gay in peace

**Long:** wow, but when we get slandered, you all agree, I See How It Is

**Keefers:** BLOCKED

**Long:** come on Keith, lets go knit the dogs some sweaters

**Keefers:** _I told you I didn’t want to_

 **Long:** _god dammit Keith, just play along_

**Hunkey:** Sometimes I love them

**Hunkey:** sometimes

**Long:** I love keith all times

**Keefers:** what time is it? Oh, its Loving Lance O'clock, wait, its always Loving Lance O’clock? Sounds about right

**Mermania:** Allura, we had the power to stop them

**Lura:** _omg we did_

**Keefers:** BUTCHA DIDN’T

**Long:** IM GONNA MARRY THE SHIT OUTTA THIS BOY ONE DAY

**Shirt:** whos gonna wear the dress?

**Long:** you.

**Shirt:** I take back my blessing.

**Keefers:** too late, you signed a contract

**Shirt:** _shit, i forgot about that_

**Shayaway:** there,,,,was an actual contract?

**Hunkey:** sometimes.

**Hunkey:** _ sometimes I wonder why I’m friends with you all.  _

  
  


**_Podge - > Beeez_ **

 

**Podge:** hey bb beez

**Beeez:** yes pookie p

**Podge:** wanna go be gay in the snow?

**Beeez:** _gasp_

**Beeez:** I thought you’d never ask

**Podge:** TFGYHUIJ

**Podge:** I’ll meet you at your place

**Beeez:** sounds groovy

**Podge:** _I’m bringing the sleds_

**Beeez:** BET

  
  


**_Lura - > Manhands_ **

 

**Lura:** hey bb guess what

**Manhands:** chicken butt

**Lura:** omg, why do I love you?

**Manhands:** chicken feet. 

**Lura:** omg, i cant believe this

**Manhands:** uwu

**Lura:** sigh

**Lura:** just

**Lura:** come outside

**Manhands:** but why, its cold and-

**Manhands:** BITCH

**Lura:** YEAH BITCH, COME LOVE ME

**Manhands:** BET

 

**_Shayaway - > Hunkey_ **

 

**Shayaway:** wanna come over and watch hallmark movies while sipping some coco

**Hunkey:** better yet, we can watch Coco while sipping some coco

**Shayaway:** but baby, you always cry

**Hunkey:** so do you!

**Shayaway:** smh, we can cry together

**Hunkey:** I love that

**Shayaway:** and I love  _ you _

**Hunkey:** BABE

**Hunkey:** SUNSHINE

**Hunkey:** MY BEAUTIFUL GEM

**Shayaway:** grfhueij what

**Hunkey:** I Love You Too

**Shayaway:** god, you’re so extra

**Hunkey:** only for you baby, only for you. 

  
  


**_Mermania - > Plaxtic_ **

 

**Mermania:** I know you can’t come over rn

**Plaxtic:** sadly

**Mermania:** but do you wanna skype? Maybe rabbit a movie or two?

**Mermania:** all the other couples are being couple-y and I wanna do something cute with you

**Plaxtic:** OF COURSE BABE

**Mermania:** good!!

**Plaxtic:** hey,

**Plaxtic:** I love you a lot, you know that right?

**Mermania:** of course I do, baby

**Plaxtic:** good, I just sometimes worry that because we’ve been together for so long,,,y’know, the magic will wear off. 

**Mermania:** oh baby, god no

**Mermania:** I’m still madly in love with you

**Mermania:** yes, we might have our dull/bad days, but that doesn’t compare to the good ones

**Mermania:** I love you and you love me

**Mermania:** we’re gonna be the Lesbian power couple CEO’s and we’re gonna kick so many asses

**Plaxtic:** sounds amazing, babe

**Mermania:** I love you so much, Plaxum

**Plaxtic:** I love you too, Florona

  
  


**_Shirt - > Keefers_ **

**Shirt:** I would like to spend some time with my brother, y’know, since I Am Home

**Keefers:** awww, you softie

**Shirt:** college is breaking me

**Keefers:** wump

**Shirt:** :(

**Keefers:** come outside! Bring Matt so him and Lance can fuck around with each other, and we can hang?

**Shirt:** gasp

**Shirt:** _double date?_

**Keefers:** I take it back, don’t come outside

**Shirt:** WE’LL BE RIGHT OUT

**Keefers:** dear god, its me, Fionna

**Shirt:** you forget

**Shirt:** I Am God

**Keefers:** I hope red bites your arm off

**Shirt:** love you too

**Keefers:** <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, outta of all of them, I would wanna date Hunk the most. Like yes, Lance is my #1 boy and I would die for him,,,,but H U N K. wait no, I can't choose. I take it back, don't look at me, go away.


	27. click the link

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a whole lot of fuckery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow ok so,,,its been,,,,2 months?.  
> I'm so fucking sorry guys, when I first started this fic I was in a really good place with myself and with my friends, thats actually why I started this whole thing. I wanted to share the stupid things me and my pals did, but over time me and those pals,,,,grew apart? Idk, i just dont feel right with them anymore, y'know? And thats why I started my other fic (voretron legndairy defendoor but better) because it's a lot more about things I see or hear, not personal experiences. And its really fun to write! Dont get me wrong, I love this fic, its my baby, but it kinda makes me sad. 
> 
> BUT ENOUGH OF THAT BULLSHIT, READ THE CHAPTER, butlikeonlyifyouwantto
> 
> also sorry if the chapter is kinda short, I just did whatever my brain willed me to fart out :P

**_The Rad Sad_ **

 

 **Podge:** what if I’m the mONSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Podge:** thatsbeenhereallalong

 **Long:** I hate you

 **Keefers:** what if i’m the mON-[kahoot music plays]

 **Mermania:** keep this up and I’ll kashoot myself

 **Plaxtic:** BABE NO

 **Podge:** @ yt rewind,

 **Shirt:** don’t ever say that name again in my home

 **Memethew:** the only good part in that was the tryguys and they didn't even talk

 **Shayaway:** that and the sister squad

 **Shayaway:** they were iconic

 **Podge:** so shay can talk about the kitty girls but when I do it, i get slandered?

 **Keefers:** yup

 **Keefers:** also she just called it the sister squad and you just called it kitty girls

 **Memethew:** uhhuh

 **Podge:** I’m running away from home, you’ll never see me again

 **Memethew:** Oh thank god.

 **Memethew:** I can finally set up a computer system in your room

 **Hunkey:** no pidge pls

 **Podge:** fine, but only because you begged.

 **Long:** The only kind of begging I will ever do is when Ke

 **Lura:** oh my fucking god hefucking dead

 **Keefers:** i hAVE DEFEATED THE EVIL

 **Lura:** 20 bucks he's just sitting on lance and lance aint even struggling

 **Keefers:** I DONT DESERVE THIS DISRESPECT

 **Long:** _wanna know what you do deserve_

 **Podge:** AAAAAAAAA GOD NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, GOD

 **Long:** chillax, I kid i kid

 **Long:** twas just a joke

 **Long:** we’re too young to bang, don’t wanna follow in shatts footsteps

 **Long:** Look what happened to them, Shiro’s perganant now

 **Hunkey:** omg he’s pregerants

 **Plaxtic:** Pomegranate

 **Shirt:** I hate you all.

 **Plaxtic:** no you dont

 **Shirt:** no i dont

 **Keeferrs:** when is the baby due

 **Shirt:** keith i swear to god

 **Keefers:** is it gonna come out ur bum

 **Memethew:** why is shiro the pregernadst one?

 **Podge:** cuz he has the tits

 **Keefers:** badankalooweedoos

 **Long:** tities

 **Hunkey:** boobz

 **Shayaway:** boobies

 **Plaxtic:** tatas

 **Mermania:** breasts.

 **Shirt:** I can’t believe you guys

 **Keefers:** you should do a pregnancy shoot.

 **Shirt:** I’m gonna _shoot_ you if you don't shut the fuck up

 **Keefers:** you have to wear a dress for the photos

 **Keeferrs:** Matt has to wear his shrek suit

 **Memethew:** YUP, OK, WE’RE MAKING THIS HAPPEN.

 **Memethew:** Babe pls, our real future children need to see this

 **Shirt:** no one’s gonna see it cuz it aint gonna happen

 **Lura:** Oh its happening alright

 **Shayaway:** yes It Is

 **Shirt:** well, I’m moving to Cuba, Lance, you gotta any family I can stay with?

 **Long:** yes but if you stay there you’ll be fat in 0.4 seconds

 **Long:** they wont stop feeding you

 **Shirt:** anything is better than this

 **Long:** that's what you say now, but you’ll regret it when Tia Carmen is shoving the 17th torta down your throat

 **Shirt:** BRING IT ON

 **Keefers:** should also get the dogs in on the shoot, since they’re getting married soon

 **Shirt:** FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU ARE NOT MARRYING OUR DOG TO LANCES DOG

 **Long:** THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SHIRO

 **Shirt:** THEY’RE DOGS LANCE

 **Long:** HOW DARE YOU SLANDER MY SON LIKE THIS

 **Keefers:** shiro name the baby Mayonnaise

 **Shirt:** kei

 **Shirt:** Keith, what

 **Shirt:** n

 **Memethew:** MAY FOR SHORT BECAUSE MAY ISNT SHORT FOR ANYTHING

 **Keefers:** SO NO ONE WILL ASK QUESTIONS

 **Memethew:** but our child will have to live with the knowledge that her name is Mayonnaise

 **Keefers:** gimme my braincell back

 **Memethew:** FINDERS KEEPERS

 **Keefers:** BITCH

 **Memethew:** huehueheueh

 **Lura:** all of you suck

 **Lura:** but when are we gonna hang out!!! I miss all my babies

 **Shayaway:** if we’re all your babies, then there's A Lot Of Incest  

 **Mermania:** cursed

 **Plaxtic:** Khursed

 **Mermania:** choke

 **Plaxtic:** _gladly_

 **Lura:** THERE WILL BE NO SINNING IN MY HOUSEHOLD

 **Podge:** I thought that said singing

 **Lura:** I’M NOT THE LADY FROM COCO

 **Long:** GHUIJ

 **Keefers:** tears just came to my seeing holes

 **Keefers:** my holes are wet

 **Plaxtic:** whet

 **Hunkey:**  NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN

 **Memethew:** SAY IT AGAIN SAY IT AGAIN SAY IT AGAIN SAYG SINFG

 **Shirt:** Matthew, I want a divorce

 **Long:** do u really want May to grow up in a broken home?

 **Shirt:** sigh

 **Shirt:** I refuse to believe my hair is grey because I dyed it

 **Shirt:** you all did this to me

 **Podge:** I thought you said you were gonna dye it black again

 **Shirt:** too lazy

 **Plaxtic:** he doesnt wanna redye it because it fits his old man aesthetic

 **Shirt:** I DONT DESERVE THIS SLANDER

 **Shirt:** I. _AM_ . **_GOD_ **

**Keefers:** good thing I’m an atheist.

 **Long:** GYUHIJG

 **Long:** GOD I LOVE YOU WTF

 **Shirt:** THATS IT, IM GONNA SEND YOUR BABY PICTURES

 **Keefers:** DO YOUR _WORST_

 **Keefers:** I HAVE PICTURES OF YOU BEFORE PUBERTY WITH ACNE AND BRACES, AT LEAST I WAS A BEAUTIFUL CHILD

 **Shirt:** how _dare_ you

 **Memethew:** he brought out the big guns

 **Long:** pew pew

 **Podge** ok guys but look what I found of matt

 **Podge:** [baby matt](http://goo.gl/vRyfMi)

 **Keefers:** I HATE YOU WITH A BURNING PASSION

 **Long:** I CANT  BERATH

 **Lura:** wow

 **Lura:** i

 **Lura:** I hate you

 **Memethew:** MY SISTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER

 **Hunkey:** hey google, how do I kill someone without getting in trouble for it?

 **Shayaway:** smh, pidge ily

 **Plaxtic:** HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Mermania:** im getting to old and gay for this shit

 **Plaxtic:** youve always been gay

 **Mermania:** point proven

 **Hunkey:** I can’t believe you would betray us like that pidge

 **Memethew:** im so fucking proud

 **Memethew:** im gonna cry

 **Podge:** its good to know that some people appreciate classic art

 **Lura:** someone will come to your house later this evening, you wont know that they’re there. No one will. No one will know where you went. No one will find you.

 **Podge:** is allura planning to hire someone to kill me

 **Shirt:** I

 **Shirt:** I can’t with you children

 **Keefers:** chilren

 **Keefers:** chicken

 **Hunkey:** Chicken tender

Chicken tender  
Crispy contender  
Texture of splendor  
Put these children  
in the blender

 **Lura:** well, jesus has left the chat

 **Long:** oh my fucking god he fucking dead

 **Shayaway:** what did we do to my boyfriend

 **Podge:** oh my god

 **Shirt:** oh my me

 **Keefers:** oh my hayley kiyoko

 **Memethew:** oh my my

 **Memethew:** whata wonderful pizza pie

 **Mermania:** can we like, pick a plot and stay with it?

 **Plaxtic:** wheres the fun in that?

 **Hunkey:** all hail the blender

 **Lura:** seriously, is he ok

 **Hunkey:** _someone has turned on the blender_ **bzzzz**

 **Long:** [sobbing] we need jesus

 **Shayaway:** HUNK WAS JESUS

 **Long:** WELL WE NEED A NEW ONe

 **Keefers:** i volunteer as tr-

 **Plaxtic:** just not keith

 **Keefers:** homophobia

 **Lura:** DIBS

 **Mermania:** God is a gay man and jesus is a pansexual women

 **Long:** wow, I love 20-bi-teen

 **Keefers:** 20-bite-en

 **Long:** baby no

 **Keefers:** baby yes

 **Podge:** baby shark

 **Podge:** GUYS UNBLOCK ME

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :]


End file.
